Each week Dr. Hanks coaches a real person through a common life challenge. Listen to Ask Dr. Julie Hanks for healing conversations that educate and empower women to prioritize their needs, revolutionize their families, and personalize their faith.
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Differentiation of Self: The Key to Wise Decision Making Regarding the LDS Church with Valerie Hamaker Episode
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This bonus episode is for anyone who is looking to better understand their personal relationship with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Listen as Ask Dr. Julie Hanks combines with the Latter-day Struggles podcast for a special episode all about moving forward with the LDS Church in the healthiest way for you. If you aren’t sure how t…
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How do I support my 13-year-old daughter who wants to stay in the LDS Church when I have left?
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In today's episode I talk with Saren and answer the question “How do I support my 13-year-old daughter who wants to stay in the LDS Church when I have left?” Saren is trying to reconcile letting her child be a part of something that she has chosen to leave behind while also respecting her daughter’s agency. To top it off, her daughter has had a dif…
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How do I decide on a career that I won’t later regret or wish I had taken a different path?
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In this episode I meet with Kellice and answer the question “How do I decide on a career that I won’t later regret or wish I had taken a different path?” Kellice wants to choose a sustainable career to support herself and her boys, but she isn’t sure where to start. How can she be sure she isn’t going to make the wrong decision? I challenge Kellice…
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Bonus Episode: Stepping back from the LDS Church? How to do so in a Psychologically Healthy Way with Valerie Hamaker
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This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to step back from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to leave the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop …
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How do I heal from a patriarchal marriage and let go of resentment I’m carrying towards the LDS Church?
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Listen as I chat with Alyssa and answer the question “How do I heal from a patriarchal marriage and let go of resentment I’m carrying towards the LDS Church?” Alyssa and her husband reevaluated the lessons they were taught about marriage and have worked to move toward a partnership model. She feels angry when she thinks about the time she lost livi…
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How do I pursue a high-powered career and still show up as the mom I want to be?
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In this podcast episode I sit down with Mallory and answer the question “How do I pursue a high-powered career and still show up as the mom I want to be?” Mallory recently went back to work part-time and is feeling immense guilt. It feels like she can’t win: When she is at work, she feels like she should be staying home with her children (and feel …
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How can I better communicate to my husband that I’m not comfortable letting our child sleep at my in-laws’ house?
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In this episode I talk with Diana and answer the question “How can I better communicate to my husband that I’m not comfortable letting our child sleep at my in-laws’ house?” Diana is not okay with either herself or her child sleeping there because years ago, her father-in-law was arrested for child molestation. Her husband has struggled to respect …
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How should I approach my daughter’s upcoming baptism when I don’t believe 8-year-olds are capable of making this choice?
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In this episode, I chat with Christine and answer the question “How should I approach my daughter’s upcoming baptism when I don’t believe 8-year-olds are capable of making this choice?” Christine and her husband have several valid hesitations about their daughter getting baptized when they aren't sure that she really understands what she would be c…
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How can I stay engaged and active in the LDS Church as a working mom and a feminist?
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In this episode I talk with Sylvia and answer the question “How can I stay engaged and active in the LDS Church as a working mom and a feminist?” Sylvia shares the story of a painful experience at Church that has left her wondering if she sustains her leaders. In fact, she has chosen not to renew her temple recommend because she isn’t sure if she c…
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How do I know if I want kids because I genuinely want them or because it’s always been expected of me?
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In today’s episode, I talk with Nicole and answer the question “How do I know if I want kids because I genuinely want them or because it’s always been expected of me?” After a recent break up caused by her partner not wanting to have children, Nicole is hoping to gain some clarity as to what she wants for her future and why. Nicole and I talk about…
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How can I talk about boundaries with my narcissistic mother-in-law who turns everything into my fault?
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In today’s episode I chat with Morgan and answer the question “How can I talk about boundaries with my narcissistic mother-in-law who turns everything into my fault?” Morgan describes what interactions with her mother-in-law are typically like, and from what I hear it sounds like Morgan is doing a good job interacting with her. From my perspective,…
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How do I learn to trust myself when I feel a disconnect between what I learn in therapy and what I hear at Church?
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In today’s episode, I talk with Kelly and answer the question “How do I learn to trust myself when I feel a disconnect between what I learn in therapy and what I hear at Church?” I know that a lot of listeners are going to relate to our discussion. Kelly shares that she feels two parts of her life—therapy and the Church—have been influential and he…
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How can I be present when grief is always reminding me of what could have been?
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Listen as I talk with Jennifer and answer the question “How can I be present when grief is always reminding me of what could have been?“ Jennifer shares the story of her relationship, her husband’s cancer diagnosis, and her experience of being a new mom of twins while navigating the grief of losing her husband. Now, five years later, she feels spli…
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Bonus Episode: How to Stay Connected to the LDS Church in a Psychologically Healthy Way with Valerie Hamaker
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This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to stay in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to stay in the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the c…
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Has my Latter-day Saint upbringing impacted my sexuality?
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In this podcast episode I talk with Mary and answer the question “Has my Latter-day Saint (LDS) upbringing impacted my sexuality?” I tell Mary that her LDS upbringing most likely has impacted her sexuality—but that is true for any person. During our time together we explore the specific ways that LDS culture may have influenced her development. Mar…
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What can I do to stop comparing myself to others and start fostering a growth mindset?
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In this episode I talk with Sarah and answer the question, “In the classroom, what techniques can I use to stop comparing myself to others and start fostering a growth mindset?” Sarah just started attending school after a 5-year break, and she has found herself worrying that she isn’t smart enough to be there. Having mixed feelings about trying som…
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How can I help my LGBTQ+ friends who are in pain because they feel like they don’t belong in the LDS Church?
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In this episode I talk with Ben Schilaty and answer the question “How can I help my LGBTQ+ friends who are in pain because they feel like they don’t belong in the LDS Church?” Ben’s question stems from his own experience of being a gay member of the LDS Church and from seeing loved ones in the LGBTQ+ community struggle to feel like they have a plac…
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How do I have conversations with my husband about expectations for behavior at Church and contributing at home?
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In this episode, I sit down with Amanda and answer the question, “How do I talk with my husband about expectations for behavior at Church and contributing at home?” Amanda’s husband often has his phone out during Church and doesn’t like singing along to the hymns. She recognizes that as an adult, he gets to choose how to worship. But she still wish…
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How can I talk about modesty to my tween step-daughter without undermining the contradictory thoughts of her mother?
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In this episode, I sit down with Emma and answer the question, “How can I talk about modesty to my tween step-daughter without undermining the contradictory thoughts of her mother?” Emma views modesty as a broad topic that covers how we think and behave, while her step-daughter’s mom ascribes to stricter dress code rules. They have different opinio…
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Should I try and save a friendship that’s ending because my family left the Church?
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In this episode, I talk with Beth and answer the question, “Should I try and save a friendship that’s ending because my family left the Church?” Beth’s family has a group of friends that get together several times a year for fun trips. After the news came out that Beth’s family is leaving the Church, it’s felt like these friends want nothing to do …
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Bonus: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard Counting the Costs Pt 2.
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This is part 2 of a 2-part interview with Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard. If you haven’t listened to part 1, I recommend starting there.. In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, we’re doing things a little differently. Instead of hosting a guest and answering their questions, I am honored to be joined by two special gues…
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Bonus: Interview with Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard - On 'Counting the Cost' and Living Life in the Public Eye
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In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, we’re doing things a little different. Instead of hosting a guest and answering their questions, I am honored to be joined by two special guests who I get to interview: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard. You may be familiar with Jill from her time on the hit reality tv show 19 Kids an…
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How do I cope with the disappointment that motherhood is not what I expected it to be?
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In this episode I meet with Molly and answer the question, “How do I cope with the disappointment that motherhood is not what I expected it to be?” Molly recently finished her graduate studies and was planning on starting a new job, but has instead found herself as a full-time caregiver to her son who was born with health challenges. On the one han…
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Bonus: Empowering children to develop their own spirituality with Valerie Hamaker
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In this episode, I’m joined by Valerie Hamaker from Latter Day Struggles Podcast. We discuss the importance of open dialogue with children, the case-by-case approach to parenting, and the significance of considering a child's well-being and spiritual growth. We also explore the complexities of navigating religion and belief systems within the famil…
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How can I accept that I would have chosen differently in the past if I knew what I know now?
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In this episode I meet with Lianne and answer the question, “How can I accept that I would have chosen differently in the past if I knew what I know now?” Lianne is getting ready to re-enter the workforce now that her youngest is in daycare, and she wishes that she had gotten her master’s degree before becoming a full-time mom. I advise Lianne to f…
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How do I deal with fear of judgment in the Church?
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In this episode I talk with Jess and answer the question, “How do I deal with fear of judgment in the Church?” Jess especially worries about what others think of her clothing choices. This has impeded her from fully enjoying activities ranging from attending Church to going to the beach with her family. I ask Jess to do the following when she notic…
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How do I prevent burnout as a working mom?
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In this episode I talk with DJ and answer the question, “How do I prevent burnout as a working mom?” DJ is finishing up her maternity leave, and she feels nervous about going back to work. There is so much on her plate, and it feels like something needs to be deprioritized as she re-enters the workspace. The only problem is, there isn’t anything th…
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How can I fall in love with my life again as a new mother?
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In this episode I talk with Angie and answer the question, “How can I fall in love with my life again as a new mother?” Angie sometimes feels grief when she thinks of how her life used to be. It almost feels like she missed out on being young by getting married and having children in her early 20s. Overall, she wants to learn how to live this stage…
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How can I recognize a healthy romantic connection when I have one?
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In this episode I talk with Hannah and answer the question, “How can I recognize a healthy romantic connection when I have one?” Hannah describes a theme from her past relationships where she’s often felt like she has to be perfect in order to receive love. This pattern dates back to her childhood relationship with her father. I tell Hannah that we…
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Bonus: The lasting impact of Benson's "To the Mothers in Zion" with Valerie Hamaker
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For this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, I sat down with Valerie Hamaker of the Latter Day Struggles podcast and discussed the talk “To the Mothers in Zion” by President Ezra Taft Benson. This talk played a significant role in shaping our development and faith—and we had a lot to share. Valerie and I discussed how as a result of…
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How can I find support for myself as my husband heals from a traumatic childhood?
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In this episode I talk with Cassie and answer the question “How can I find support for myself as my husband heals from a traumatic childhood?” Cassie’s husband is actively working on healing from this trauma, but there are times when she feels like her wants and needs have to take a back seat until he is better. The story that Cassie has to put eve…
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How do I validate myself in my struggles with secondary infertility?
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In this episode, I talk with Moriah and answer the question “How do I validate myself in my struggles with secondary infertility?” Moriah has two children from a previous relationship, but she and her husband of four years have been unable to have a child of their own. She is in a unique position where she belongs to the infertility community but f…
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How do I share my doubts about the LDS Church with my family?
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In this episode I talk with Michelle and answer the question “How do I share my doubts about the LDS Church with my family?” Michelle’s parents are both very religious, and she is unsure how to share the news of her faith journey with them. Part of being honest about where you are on a faith journey is often disappointing your parents. This is espe…
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How do I come to terms with my last baby entering toddlerhood?
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In this episode I talk with Kelsey and answer the question, “How do I come to terms with my last baby entering toddlerhood?” She is feeling a sense of loss as her third child leaves the baby stage behind. Instead she wants to be able to feel more joy as her child grows and develops. I tell Kelsey that the emotions she is experiencing are totally no…
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How can I step away from a friendship without hurting my friend’s feelings?
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In this episode I talk with Sarah and answer the question “How can I step away from a friendship without hurting my friend’s feelings?” Sarah feels like it is time to distance herself from both a group of friends and an individual friend because the relationships are no longer helpful in her life. It’s hard to break up with a friend without hurting…
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Bonus: “How do I claim my sexuality?” with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife and Dr. Julie Hanks
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In this podcast episode, I talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. She answered the question, “How do I claim my sexuality?” Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a relationship and sexuality educator and coach as well as a licensed clinical professional counselor. She has resources on her website to help you achieve greater satisfaction and passion within your emo…
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Bonus: Frequently Asked Questions Pt. 4
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This week Richie joins me as I answer more of your most frequently asked questions. Listen to hear answers to questions like: Is my grief over infertility related to the teaching that the most important thing for me to be is a mother? Does your husband agree with everything you post? Is lasting change possible? How do I overcome imposter syndrome? …
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Do I have to end my friendship with a family member’s ex now that they are divorced?
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In this episode I talk with Heidi and answer the question “Do I have to end my friendship with a family member’s ex now that they are divorced?” Heidi grew very close with the person who married into her family, and after that marriage ended Heidi’s family member asked her to cut contact with their ex. Heidi wants to be respectful, but she also rea…
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What do I do when my friends and family won’t acknowledge my vulnerable faith deconstruction work?
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In this episode, I talk with Valerie and answer the question “What do I do when my friends and family won’t acknowledge my vulnerable faith deconstruction work?” Valerie is a fellow therapist and podcaster. She has been struggling with negative feedback from strangers about her podcast about faith deconstruction and a lack of feedback from friends …
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How can I build confidence and not let self-doubt hold me back from achieving my goals?
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In this episode, I talk with Stacy and answer the question “How can I build confidence and not let self-doubt hold me back from achieving my goals?” Stacy is studying to become a therapist, and she wants to build up her confidence so that it doesn’t fluctuate based on feedback from other people like her supervisor or family. Stacy tells me that som…
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Bonus: Frequently Asked Questions Pt. 3
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I’m excited to bring you another FAQ podcast episode! Join me as I sit down with Richie and answer more of your frequently asked questions. Tune in to hear answers to questions like: How do I stand up for myself with in-laws who want me to be traditional and politically conservative when I am neither of those things? How can I help my daughters kno…
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Bonus: How Do I Stop Seeking Others’ Approval with Dr. Jen (March theme)
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In this bonus podcast episode I talk with Dr. Jennifer Douglas about March’s theme in the Dr. Julie Hanks Group Coaching Membership: How do I stop seeking others’ approval? In this dynamic conversation we uncover the roots of perfectionism, share phrases and mantras that help battle perfectionist thinking, talk about how overfunctioning at home is …
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Bonus: Overcoming Shame and Cultivating Body Love with Dr. Morgan Francis
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In this bonus podcast episode, I talk with Dr. Morgan Francis about overcoming body shame and cultivating body love. Dr. Francis is a licensed therapist who offers courses and therapy services on her website that can help you stop hating your body. During our time together we talk about how we develop body shame, the different ways body shame can s…
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Is putting my spouse before my kids the best way to manage my parent/spouse relationships?
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Jennifer is a mother of 1 and a widow who recently remarried. Growing up, she always felt that her parents had a great relationship because they put each other first. Now that she is remarried, she wants to know if this approach is the best way to make sure everyone in her home is taken care of. Instead of always setting one person before another, …
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Bonus: Frequently Asked Questions
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In this bonus podcast episode, I sit down with my podcast editor Richie and answer another round of your frequently asked questions. Listen to find answers to questions like When do I know if I am depressed or just in a rut? How can I respect members of the LDS Church when I don’t respect the Church’s actions? How can I have respectful dialogue abo…
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When my parents don’t respect my boundaries, how can I find a middle ground between putting up with it and shutting them out?
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In this episode, I talk with Cyd and address the question “When my parents don’t respect my boundaries, how can I find a middle ground between putting up with it and shutting them out?” Cyd expresses frustration at her parents’ inability to accept her for who she is without trying to manipulate the choices she makes. Cyd is doing a great job settin…
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Why do I have such a hard time when I tell my kids no?
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In this episode I talk with Tamee and answer the question “Why do I have such a hard time when I tell my kids no?” Tamee shares that even though she knows she isn’t responsible for making sure her children are always happy, she feels responsible whenever they have a negative response to hearing no. Tamee grew up in a house where she felt unsafe, un…
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Bonus: Self Love vs Selfishness with Chrissy Powers
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In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Chrissy Powers about the difference between self care and selfishness. Chrissy is an LMFT, creative coach, writer, therapist, and mother of three. Her work focuses on encouraging others to live their fullest lives through unfreezing patterns of trauma. Taking care of yourself and being selfish are t…
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How can I find healing from the challenges of being a quadruplet?
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In this podcast episode, I talk with Natalie and address the question “How can I find healing from the challenges of being a quadruplet?” One of Natalie’s biggest challenges is comparison, both in comparing herself to her quadruplet siblings and to those around her. Natalie seems to have somehow decided that she doesn’t measure up. I ask her to tur…
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Bonus Episode: FAQ Series
10:19
10:19
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10:19
In this bonus podcast episode, I sit down and answer eight of your most frequently asked questions. Listen to see how I answer questions like: I want another child, but my husband does not. How do we navigate this? How do I keep a good relationship with my parents while pursuing my authentic life’s path, even if that path may hurt them? How do my p…
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