The world's biggest and most ridiculous War and Peace podcast. British comedians Will and Steve do battle with the greatest book of all time.
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A Tabletop War Gaming Podcast!
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Just the Facts, Commissar is a Warhammer 40K podcast dedicated to the competitive scene. JTFC, is hosted by Christopher Botkin, a Warhammer 40K enthusiast, and lover of all, (okay most) table top games. Find episodes weekly, or bi-weekly about the latest 40K tournaments where the top performing and favorite lists are reviewed and discussed. Check out interviews with players from the ITC circuit. And last just enjoy listening about your favorite Warhammer army being played at the highest level.
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S9E12. Special - Beowulf
1:00:09
1:00:09
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1:00:09It's time to take a short break from the world of War and Peace and dive even further back in time... What happens when a local family run establishment refuses to engage with repeated noise complaints from a blood thirsty daemon? You very much *will* believe the answer. /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money! wapin7.com/rate 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟-…
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S9E11. Surf's Up - Book 9 Finale!
1:11:01
1:11:01
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1:11:01Take that, Curse! We did it!! Book 9 of War and Peace is officially finished! It's time to open your favourite box of biscuits, pour yourself a delicious cup of beef tea and sit back and enjoy the mayhem. /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money! wapin7.com/rate 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟- Rate us, the curse would hate that! instagram.com/wapin7podcast - …
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S9E10. The Prophecy of Eggbag
39:59
39:59
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39:59Pierre's giant red hands quivered as he held aloft the parchment. He read the words again and again and even double checked his addition. There was no mistake. A bead of sweat fell from his forehead and splashed onto his baseball-glove sized hand. He leant back in his chair and began to rock back and forth repeating the same phrase over and over ag…
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S9E9. St Peter's Bread
41:48
41:48
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41:48Bready or not, it's Peter's week! It's time to pop on your favourite Peter jumper, roll out of bread, and head on downstairs to see what baked treats St Peter has bestowed upon you. So raise a loaf and toast with us, "Merry Crustmas one and all!" It'll all make sense in the end - it always does... Dough-ho-ho! /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the cur…
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Pour yourself a final cup of mud and saddle up your favourite pig, cow or even perhaps horse, because it's time to continue forwards, onwards, in the direction of travel! That way! Go! It's a good day to die (finally!) - the sun is shining, the orders are ready, and the enemy is present. We've got everything we need for a traumatic, poorly executed…
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Tournament Talk: Sheffield Super Major, WAAAAGH! of the Week, and More Exciting Warhammer 40k News.
1:00:36
1:00:36
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1:00:36This week on Just the Facts Commissar; I review multiple Warhammer 40k competitive tournaments that took place over the weekend. I discuss Warhammer 40,000 tactics, lists and armies and go over the top performing lists of the week. Lists like Space Marines; Blood Angels, Imperial Guard, Chaos Space Marines; World Eaters, and more.…
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S9E7. Retreat for a Treat
55:36
55:36
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55:36It's raining; it's pouring. The old, potentially dead man, is snoring. Nick went to war and found a pub, When exactly will we be warring?! /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money! wapin7.com/rate 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟- Rate us, the curse would hate that! instagram.com/wapin7podcast - See us, free us! (from the curse) [email protected] - Humble emai…
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S9E6. Péas de résistance
54:23
54:23
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54:23Bags. We thought we knew everything there was to know about them. We thought we'd been inside them all. But what if I told you there was one more bag, one special bag no one had ever seen before - let alone opened. What if this bag held the power to change everything? Designed by Russia's only human pea this bag could change the war, Andy Pandy, ma…
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S9E5. Bald, Bold & Bagged
1:00:01
1:00:01
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1:00:01Ok, so there's one giant bag and inside that bag there are 9 sub-bags. Each of these 9 sub-bags, apart from bag 9, has other smaller bags inside them - think of them as sub-sub-bags. Oh, and these bags are filled with people and each bag, including sub-bags and maybe sub-sub-bags, are in competition with each other. What are the bags and their many…
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Napoleon, we've seen him wild with anger, we've seen him quiver with rage, we've seen him snuff with impunity. Now it's time to see Napoleon calm as a clam - a clam that also happens to control one of the world's most significant military forces. Fresh from a light ride, and with his full-bodied narcissistic fury bottled safely and healthily inside…
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Tournament Talk: Rocky Mountain Open 2024, an Interview with Zaak Kerstetter, Winner of the RMO. New WAAAGH of the Week, and More.
1:03:43
1:03:43
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1:03:43A new episode that includes discussion around a Blood Angels win in 10th edition at the Rocky Mountain Open. An in depth interview with Zaak Kerstetter who played the army, and the WAAGH of the Week.
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S9E3. E'snuff's E'snuff!
50:42
50:42
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50:42We start with three noble Barry’s: Barry the Bugler, Barry the Bodyguard and Barry the Burger (horse). Will the Barry’s successfully escort their leader, who might also be called Barry, along the yellow brick road to find out who’s behind the curtain? Will they succeed? Will they successfully stop the war? Or will they each get a faceful of snuff? …
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I'm Back! Tournament Talk 2024, WAAAGH OF THE WEEK, with TWO army analysis.
45:01
45:01
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45:01Hi everyone, I am back. My first podcast episode of the year. In this episode, I am brushing off the cobwebs and just doing a brief catch up for the Warhammer Competitive Season of 2024. I talk about the the winners of the biggest events, catch everyone up on current army win rates, and do a breakdown of two armies from this week. I am just getting…
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S9E2. Fate at the Fête
52:45
52:45
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52:45Don't be coconut shy, come on down to the WAPIN7 Fête! We've got dodgems, teacup rides and a coconut shy! Plus an area to sell secondhand goods. It must be fate. Fancy some candy floss?! Well, the machine is broken so you can't have any. Oh, and we're off to war... Again. /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Emerge from the shadows and support the podcast! wap…
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S9E1. The Bad Shadows Are A Comin'
57:40
57:40
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57:40We're back for Book 9 and boy is this going to be bad! Not the podcast, cross our saucy little fingers, but the world of War and Peace. It's been way too long since we heard from that Napoleon chap and we really got the feeling that he wasn't quite finished last time. Plus we've had quite a bit of peace recently, which makes the title of the book q…
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S8E12. Special: Winnie-the-Pooh And Some Bees
43:26
43:26
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43:26What do you get when you mix the 'wrong type' of bees, a sentient half-dressed bear with a penchant for honey and a child with a gun and a really really nice balloon? Why, you get the Season 8 special book episode of WAPIN7, is what you get! And probably an extremely serious concussion which would require immediate medical attention. Onwards! To As…
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S8E11. Book 8 Catch-up Quiz!
1:09:31
1:09:31
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1:09:31It's time for the Season 8 Catch-Up Quiz and boy do we have some questions for you! There are pictures of comets, AI-generated nightmare art, varying degrees of slug speed accuracy and of course a question about the Smurfs. How does this all link to book 8 of War and Peace? There's only one way to find out... Onwards! *Cue Gameshow Music /// Full l…
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Tournament Talk: New Data Slate, Ratcon 2023, Drukhari First Place Army Analysis, and Grey Knights Analysis.
1:13:54
1:13:54
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1:13:54Hi everyone, A new episode that includes discussion around the first Drukhari win of 10th edition. An in depth look at the Drukhari as a whole and the army brought to the tournament. Special guest Cameron was on the show to talk about Grey Knights at a second place win as well. Find my reddit account here for more information. https://linktr.ee/jus…
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Tyranids Codex, Data Slate 2, 10th Edition Tournaments This Weekend, and an Interview About the Norn Emissary
1:55:10
1:55:10
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1:55:10In this episode I talk about Tyranids, and the new data slate, especially the Norn Emissary. Make sure you follow my socials, especially my Reddit and Twitter for updates on my tournament analysis and posts as the tournaments happen. Enjoy! https://linktr.ee/justthefactscommissar
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Tournament Talk: NOVA Open, Midtccon GT, Corsair Open, Games of Westeros, Iberian Open, Tabletop Republic Eternal Wrath, EA Slam Warhammer, Grand Onslaught 6, Goonhammer Open and more Warhammer 40k!
46:26
46:26
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46:26A weekend of epic Warhammer 40k tournaments. Top 10 Ad Mech, CSM, Tsons, DW, Necrons all win some games. What!! In this podcast I go over the standings for these tournaments and talk about stats of all the armies going into the weekend and coming out. I update my tier list a little as well. Make sure you follow my socials, especially my Reddit and …
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Tournament Talk: Warhammer 40k 10th Edition Tier List: Salt Lake City Open, Goonhammer Open, and More.
1:04:09
1:04:09
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1:04:09A weekend of epic Warhammer 40k tournaments. Top 10 Sisters, 1st place Thousand Sons, 2nd Place Orks? What!! In this podcast I go over the standings for these tournaments (and more) and talk about stats of all the armies going into the weekend and coming out. I also go over the Just the Facts, Commissar official 10th edition tier list. Make sure yo…
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Tournament Talk: Texas Open, Iowaaagh! Open, Hammer of Wrath GT, Golden Ticket Event: Warhammer 40k, Saffron Slam, NAUGHTYK GT, and More Warhammer 40k.
1:21:26
1:21:26
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1:21:26A weekend of epic Warhammer 40k tournaments. Top 10 Ad Mech, 1st win for CSM AND Deathwatch?? What!! In this podcast I go over the standings for these tournaments and talk about stats of all the armies going into the weekend and coming out. I also have an interview with Josie, the first place winner of the NAUGHTYK GT. There is a ton of data and st…
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S8E10. Comet-ment Issues - Book 8 Finale!
53:40
53:40
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53:40The time has finally come - the end of another book is upon us. Gather round slugs, worms, maggots and humans young, old and slimy as we seamlessly complete character arcs, wrap up storylines, culminate journeys literal and figurative, and generally tie up loose ends in this decisive season finale. The slug square is positively quivering with antic…
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40k Tournament Talk: Leeds GT, Battle For Alzheimer's Charity Event, an Interview With a Necrons Player, and More.
1:14:27
1:14:27
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1:14:27Aeldari are still murdering everyone, but we got a top 10 Salamanders and Ultramarines at least.. In this podcast I go over the standings for a few tournaments and also hit the win rate and statistics for each faction. I also briefly go over Deathwatch. Way more important than this post, or Warhammer, I reached out to Tables and Towers in Maryland …
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Tournament Talk: Arch City GT, North East Open, Capital Clash, and More Warhammer 40K.
48:10
48:10
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48:10A weekend of epic Warhammer 40k tournaments. Top 10 Sisters, Raven Guard, and Iron Hands?? What!! In this podcast I go over the standings for 6 of those tournaments and talk about stats of all the armies going into the weekend and coming out. I also go over a Sisters of Battle army that took 10th place, and an Iron Hands army that took 6th place. T…
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S8E9. One Side of the Square is a Slug
37:59
37:59
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37:59What happens when you add one more side to a love triangle? What happens when one of those sides is an actual slug? A slug who was hell-bent on abducting one of the sides of the square! We promise you this all makes perfect sense. Maybe pour yourself a long drink a take a good slug... /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podsli…
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Lone Star Open and Palm Springs Open. Aeldari and Genestealers Everywhere. Warhammer 40k Competitive Tournaments
1:04:06
1:04:06
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1:04:06Hi everyone, this is the second episode of Just the Facts Commissar. I interviewed the 3rd place winner from the Lone Star Open who played Genestealers. I also talk about the Lone Star Open as a whole, a Tyranids army, a cheating Tau army, The Palm Springs Open, plus some general discussion about the Warhammer 40k meta as a whole.…
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S8E8. Two Ducks, a Slug, and a Naked Priest
47:23
47:23
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47:23Incredibly attractive as they may be, slugs are typically not known for their speed or for their clever plans. Today that all changes. Prepare to meet the slug who has it all... great looks, sure (like all slugs), but also an incredible mensa level planning intellect, and exclusive access to the fastest transport system this side of Prussia. He's g…
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S8E7. I Kissed a Slug and I Liked It!
38:20
38:20
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38:20I kissed a slug, and I liked it Taste of its slime... surprising I kissed a slug, just to try it I hope my fiance don't mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right Don't mean I'm a gastropod tonight I smooched a slug and I liked it (I liked it) /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podslime! wapin7.com/rate 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟- Slime a quick r…
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S8E6. One Side of the Triangle is a Worm
53:22
53:22
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53:22Slugs: the familiar garden beastie known for their gelatinous trails, unsightly appearance and voracious love of salad. 19th century Russian slugs were a little different - around 6ft tall they were known to roam in pairs, using their incredible influence and good looks to lure unsuspecting victims into questionable slime related situations. Today …
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S8E5. The Devil, Some Cardboard, And His Saucepan Son
47:51
47:51
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47:51Why does the Devil have a saucepan son and why are they dancing? What's wrong with the King's arms? Why is he also dancing? Why is their world made entirely of cardboard? I wish we could answer those questions but unfortunately we just have more: why is the audience slowly getting naked, why is everyone screaming, will Natasha - or for that fact an…
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S8E4. The Sauce of Sadness
45:52
45:52
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45:52If we want to understand why pure, inescapable sadness has descended on what was once a happy, albeit somewhat violent and troubling book, we must go back in time. Way, way, way back, all the way to Book 7 and ask ourselves some hard questions - what went wrong? Is anyone to blame? Could over indulgence of sauce or other condiments possibly be the …
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S8E3. Sad, Marry, Avoid?
45:14
45:14
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45:14Sure, being sad is sad. We can't deny it. It feels bad, it feels really quite sad in fact. But what if the only way to conquer sadness is to be even more sad? What if you could have so much sadness that sadness itself would become sad and spit you out? It's a bold idea, sadness would never expect that. Join us this week as we try once again to vanq…
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S8E2. The Mary Bumper Sadness Special
51:46
51:46
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51:46You thought you knew sad? You know, sad... that feeling you get when you realise you've eaten the last crisp and there won't be any more crisps tonight, or when you have a shower and the hot water runs out, or even when you're on a call and the WiFi drops off and you don't know why. Sad, very sad indeed. But it turns out things can be even sadder t…
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S8E1. Welcome To Club Sadness - Book 8 Begins!
34:43
34:43
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34:43We're back with a sadness bomb and some problems as old as time... Can frivolous spending, clubbing and drinking to excess improve your health, mental wellbeing and outlook on life? What would you do if you had loads of money and lost your joie de vivre? Would you ride an elephant around your town to make your neighbours jealous? Would you cover yo…
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S7E8. Special: Casino Royale
59:44
59:44
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59:44The name's Jimbo, Jimbo Secretan, Her Magesty's Ornothologist and best gambler in Britain. Yes that's right it's time for the final special episode of Season 7 - this time it's a matter of national importance and there's only one man fit for the job. He likes to drink heavily, smoke like a trumpet, and by gosh can he gamble his way out of a corner.…
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S7E7. The Book 7 Catch Up Zoo Quiz Special (Ep. 100!)
1:08:47
1:08:47
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1:08:47Join us for this incredibly special centenary episode of WAPIN7 - an unbelivable milestone for us, you, Tolstoy and surprisingly the animals of London Zoo. Chosen by our Patrons, the Zoo is of course the obvious place to go for this commemorative - likely collectable - episode and it's the natural venue to host a quiz about War and Peace. We've got…
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S7E6. Supernatural Cork Kisses - Book 7 Finale!
58:37
58:37
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58:37GHOSTS, WITCHES, CLOWNS, BEARS as well as the HUMAN BEAN - we've got it all this week, as we descend deep into hell for this final episode of Book 7. You didn't expect it, we certainly didn't expect it, but yes - it's the end (already!) of the Book. But if we're going, we're going in style: dinner - yes, kissing - check, chit chat with other worldl…
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S7E5. The Oats Don't Lie
53:41
53:41
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53:41It is rumoured that Shakira wrote her global smash hit single after being inspired by a perfect bowl of oats. The, now infamous, story goes that Shakira was so moved by the oats that she demanded a harp was bought to the table so she could express her joy and appreciation through music. Upon completion of the song; she triumphantly held her bowl of…
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S7E4. Do You Bala-Like It?
50:45
50:45
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50:45You know the old saying: Hunt hard, play hard. And boy have we hunted hard. Drop your crop, hang your horn, and swap your hunting knife for an eating knife, because the hunt is over and it's time to party like it's 1799 all over again. We've got incredible new food stuffs, so much alcohol it would make Count Rostov blush, as well as some of the cou…
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S7E3. He's Not My Uncle
46:40
46:40
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46:40Since the beginning of time there have been rivalries that have transcended the generations: Cats and dogs Sliced bread and non sliced bread Red or white wine And many more! It's time for a new rivalry. Can any living being catch hares better than Digital Susan? Everything is on the line. *Woof And they're off! /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into a…
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S7E2. How Many Dogs Is Too Many Dogs?
51:42
51:42
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51:42It's an age old question: How many dogs would a good dog dog if a good dog could dog dogs? Is 5 dogs the right answer? 50? Would 5000 dogs be a good number of dogs to involve? Tolstoy wasn't afraid of asking the hard questions, and neither are we. So down a pint of your best brandy, rename your favourite horse and join us this week as we go on the …
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One is the epic and unforgettable adventure of a talking bulldog, a talking golden retriever and presumably a talking cat and the other; a tale of a soldier's rather forgettable journey home to fix his family's financial mess. Which is which?! There's only one way to find out... Onwards to BOOK 7! /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into action and supp…
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S6E10. Book 6 Catch-Up Quiz
1:05:35
1:05:35
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1:05:35We've got questions on hands, talking golden Smurf trees, archaic ultra-complicated temperature scales, bad calendars, pirate ships and somehow even a Jazz pianist. What links them all? Book 6 of War and Peace. Are you ready to put your WAP knowledge to the ultimate test? It's time to end season 6 on a big quiz bang. *CUE GAMESHOW MUSIC /// patreon…
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S6E9. Special: Twilight
1:03:41
1:03:41
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1:03:41Forks, Washington gets 110 inches of rain, on average, per year. The US average is 38 inches of rain per year. A lot of rain to wash away your sins... Perhaps; perhaps indeed. Forks averages 7 inches of snow per year. The US average is 28 inches of snow per year. Why doesn't the rain want to turn into snow? Spooky. Very spooky indeed... On average,…
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S6E8. Pandy's Promise - Book 6 Finale!
55:46
55:46
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55:461, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! Another book down. Take a bow, do a small dance, ask someone to marry you and sit in silence for exactly one year, have a pineapple or simply sit down and listen to the Book 6 Finale. There's only one thing left to say Onwards /// patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast! wapin7.com/rate 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟- Celebrate spr…
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S6E7. Normal People Doing Stuff
43:38
43:38
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43:38Nothing to see here, move along, move along. It's just another standard week in War and Peace this week as the perfectly normal married humans, Vera and Berg, do utterly expected and human-y things with their normal human friends. Join us normal listener as we peer into their completely acceptable and expected lives. What will we find? Just your av…
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S6E6. The Secret Of Happiness
33:44
33:44
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33:44Prince Andy is on the hunt for happiness but in order to find it he simply must experience ambivalence, nihilism and straight up unhappiness first. This episode is sort of like a football match. But instead of two teams playing football, it's actually happiness and sadness sort of fighting each other. The winner gets to be the king of all football.…
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S6E5. The Dance of Destiny
59:16
59:16
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59:16We've been to soirees, parties, even a casual ball or five during our time with War and Peace. We've watched as The King of Sauce set the dance floor on fire, we've seen kids doing backflips to impress other kids, we've applauded out of fear and amazement as the Blunt Dragon devoured people whole. Truly we thought we'd seen everything that high soc…
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S6E4. Will You Money Me?
42:59
42:59
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42:59Some marry for love. Some marry for a protracted negotiation around dowry payments, up front deposits, cash incentives and share options. Some choose not to marry because they don't love someone. Some choose not to marry because the dowry payments, up front deposits, cash incentives and share options aren't optimal in the current economic climate a…
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