Welcome to the podcast no one was waiting for... like, literally no one. Stupid Fat Hobbits involves three friends who get together and talk confidently about topics they know nothing about, all while imbibing the Gaffer's brew. Join us every Monday morning for around the table discussions, absurd hypotheticals, and heated debates over trivial subjects -- all with a tasteful seasoning of LOTR content.
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Season 3 Finale - Part 2
1:22:06
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Remember to leave a 5-star written review on Apple Podcasts for a chance at a free t-shirt (for once this is real, not a bit). We will read all new reviews on the show next season. ---- The revelry continues with five more callers. Break out the ale and enjoy the denouement! Thanks to all who listened to the show. We could not have done it without …
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Season 3 Finale - Part 1
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56:17
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Remember to leave a 5-star written review on Apple Podcasts for a chance at a free t-shirt (for once this is real, not a bit). We will read all new reviews on the show next season. ---- We've made it to the end of another successful season! Thank you all for your ideas, jokes, insults, memes, commentary, feedback, and encouragement. It's been quite…
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S3E19 - The Government Raids Our Studio
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46:06
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Sean Tchackichickh, sender of multiple emails to the lads, joins the show today. Big question of the day: How are you supposed to refer to Gatorade flavors? The lads share a sweet melody. A listener shares additional thoughts on the old people conundrum. Sean sees his moment. Chris calls out government overreach in his bedroom. The guest, under fir…
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S3E18 - Beyonce Sucks, Disney World Doesn't
1:17:39
1:17:39
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Special episode featuring Conor Brown, Disney World expert, travel agent, and host of the WDW Opinion Podcast. The polls are in and the anti-elderly league came out in full force. Conor's Pop Take strikes a resounding blow at a regal cultural icon. Conor is now in Witness Protection. In Around the Table, at what point do we have to press the off sw…
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S3E17 - Old People Shouldn't Drive
44:36
44:36
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44:36
The lads pay homage to the red, white, and berries popsicles. Johnny, quite naturally, trashes the episode that did not include him. Over 80% of you supported Finn's "eat anything at any time" pop take from last week. The lads read a voluminous listener email. Chris hijacks Breaking News From Florida and gives a first-hand account of a curious inci…
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S3E16 - Sushi for Breakfast & Stalin for Dessert
1:08:03
1:08:03
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Guest episode featuring Finn "same family as Chris from Ireland" Mehigan. Chris immediately says a wrong word. The lads explore the sugar argument from last episode in more detail. The conversation steers to the French. Chris refuses to accept the results of the Beloved poll. Finn gives an ancient language test. Finn's Pop Take brings sushi to the …
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S3E15 - The French Are Coming for Your Froot Loops
57:27
57:27
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Guest episode with Michael "Hiney" Heinssen. Should Johnny be "The Beloved" instead of Chris? The lads engage in some baby talk and poetry reading. In Breaking News From Florida, the absence of letters drives a man to fury. Credit card offers validate Pat's existence. Guest, Mr. Hiney, is the first to bring sources to back up his dopamine-filled Po…
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S3E14 - Are Babies Ugly?
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51:13
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Johnny has a clubfoot. The lads wonder what happened to the pandemic baking craze and debate the merits of a good loaf. Almost 1/3 of you guys apparently have heard of Stewart Cink. Johnny starts a listener war over Chic-fil-A sauce. Listener, TheIanDen, redeems himself with an incisive review of Johnny's personality. Breaking News From Florida inv…
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S3E13 - Beyond the Multiverse: A Tale of Clouds, Gambling, and Destruction
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46:35
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Johnny undergoes therapy. Pat can't say caramel. Johnny is responsible and drinks ginger ale. The lads have started gambling; they also know a thing or two about The Bible. Breaking News From Florida sees...surprise, surprise...yet another altercation at a fast food joint. Chris comes to the table with theories of the Beyond. Johnny has a thought a…
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S3E12 - The Two-Way Mirror
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46:07
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Reminder to submit a written review to Apple Podcasts and share the show with your friends! The lads rehash Sully's Pop Takes from the previous week. Johnny has a bubble in his throat. Do you know who Stewart Cink is? Breaking News From Florida sees an esteemed artist scissor kick a polite tourist. Johnny's Pop Take strikes out at the Chic-fil-a ol…
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S3E11 - Art School Bullying ft. The Meat Monster
1:04:31
1:04:31
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Guest episode featuring comedian, Peter Sullivan. Peter Sullivan is a stand-up comedian and comedy writer who has performed at several prestigious venues throughout the US. and has written for several famous comedians. Check out Sully's socials: Instagram: @psullivan27 TikTok: @psullivan27 Twitter: @_ImSully Youtube: Peter Sullivan -- Sully delves …
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S3E10 - The Power of Nostalgia
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45:52
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Chris screams Pat's name in a loud little-boy voice. Does organic alcohol make you feel better in the morning? Pat reminisces about The Mighty Ducks and muses about the pain of nostalgia. Johnny could not care less about his childhood, except for one simple thing that he could easily recapture. Johnny's army of Virginians attack Maryland in a quest…
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S3E9 - The Most Awkward Wednesday
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In an attempt to debate the merits and identity of Michelob Ultra, the lads viciously attack cyclists instead. Pat's Pop Take, "Spirit Airlines is a good airline," is hijacked by the listeners. Pat chews old, sweaty sticks of gum. Chris' LOTR Impersonation rulings have now aligned with the listener vote 5/5 times. Breaking News From Florida brings …
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S3E8 - Idaho: Potatoes or People?
57:17
57:17
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57:17
The lads have one question for you: Are you a potato? Pat aches for a lost love. Willie Brown's second pop take on fat Ryan Reynolds becomes the second take to pop. The lads still can't figure out if they should celebrate if a take gets popped. Betsy Barthelona's take on mullets being hot is not confirmed by the listeners. Moby Dick analogies go aw…
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S3E7 - Grapes, Salt, and Hot Mullets
57:36
57:36
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57:36
Guest episode featuring the esteemed Betsy "Barthelona." The show begins with verbal assaults directed toward Pat. Very original. Johnny sits like a toddler. Chris is weak. Betsy brings forth a challenge of the, uhh, challenging variety. Everyone learns science. His Lordship JP Royals mobilized the voters for his Pop Take, "Pizza from New York is s…
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S3E6 - His Lordship Hath Returned
52:57
52:57
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Let the trumpets blare and the bugles bugle. Let the minstrels go forth and sing the good news: His Lordship hath returned. Wedding stories are hinted at but not told. Previous Pop Takes are analyzed. Chris has issues with vanity. Johnny and Pat are axeholes. Johnny brings a royal family rant of the day to the table. Chris is the media. The lads ba…
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S3E5 - A Story of Sea Mammalians
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44:31
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This one is big on sea mammalians. Starfish selling clam pearls, the last march of the sea turtles, the birthing rates of sea horses, unicorns with unihorns, formal giraffes, and monogamous wolves. Chris continues the time-honored tradition of cracking jokes that don't make sense. Breaking News From Florida continues the animal theme with a massive…
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S3E4 - Napoleon Dynamite's Stunt Double
58:07
58:07
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Longer guest episode ft. Downtown Willie Brown. Nut milk and tree milk. Maple. Sean Astin. Stranger Things. Willie sits on the floor and doesn't like it. Napoleon Dynamite. Willie lays down a threat. Pat ruins everything. Previous Instagram polls are discussed. After an official recount, Chris officially ekes by in the previous LOTR Impersonation C…
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S3E3 - The Tortellini Tragedy
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41:47
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Chris speaks to himself in the night. Johnny has another depressing story concerning food. Pat makes a decent pun. Chris does a post-presidential Trump impression. Johnny gets crowned. Pat becomes half-king. Johnny's expert journalism highlights flapjacks and threats to Obama's life. Chris doesn't know things. Johnny thinks a movie starring a frog …
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S3E2 - Saving Major Funkdu
48:12
48:12
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Best recipe for a good episode: Start out with a little testy, reach into the DM's, and end with a listener sea shanty. Chris pronounces Borat like a buffoon. A listener-submitted Breaking News From Florida delves into the world of police dispatchers, rogue 911 calls, and remarkably accurate tattoos. Pat comes out swinging with a British bowlcut Po…
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S3E1 - Brad Pitt: An Average-Looking Man?
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45:25
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45:25
The beacons have been lit. The lads are back with new life and new segments. The more things change the more they stay the same. The lads introduce their first new segment, Pop Takes, where someone brings up a hot take in pop culture - cue rabid infighting. It's the pitts. As Chris says, the proof will be in the pudding, so let's save the pudding f…
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Season 2 Finale - Part 2
1:25:15
1:25:15
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And that's a wrap! Thank you all so much for listening and being a part of this community! We truly do appreciate each and every one of you. If you want to be eligible for a chance at some SFH goodies, we ask that you do the following two things by October 30: 1) Fill out our Season 2 survey here or in our Instagram bio so we can make the show more…
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Season 2 Finale - Part 1
59:11
59:11
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After a long day of technical difficulties, the lads rose like a collective Phoenix from the ashes and were able to record the first part of the finale...without Johnny. He's not a Phoenix, he's more like an arthritic pigeon. Please fill out our survey in our Instagram bio to make Season 3 amazing: https://forms.gle/BMpaVvZ5wP39rkQD6 And write a re…
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Best of SFH - Outro Montage
24:58
24:58
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This week the Lads are celebrating the first two seasons of the show with a montage of some of their favorite podcast outros! Whether it's petty insults, bad puns, or the countless songs that are sung, this episode has it all. Join us for a look back at our first two seasons!
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S2E16 - Who is the Beloved?
1:08:39
1:08:39
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The lads agree to not insult one another for the entirety of the episode. Naturally, they poke and prod and test the line. Pat describes his close call with a raccoon...and also his close call with a shark in the same week. Johnny and Pat expound on dolphin culture. Breaking News From Florida questions the morality, legality, and economic impact of…
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S2E15 - Forget What You Forgot
44:18
44:18
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The lads discuss the stupid trope in movies and books where characters are reminded they are forgetting something but they can't figure out what they've forgot. Mikey "Doctor" Temple's name is thrown around far too often. Bombshell: The lads like sports. They have mascaraded as full-blown nerds for far too long. The Intellectual explains how resear…
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S2E14 - The USPS-Jackson Hole Conspiracy
54:29
54:29
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Pat believes he was part of the UVA basketball team. The delusions of the Intellectual continue. Chris describes his old bouncing days. Chris makes a pun that Johnny approves. The lads go into the age-old USPS-Jackson Hole conspiracy. Chris is too scared to watch Stranger Things. Johnny and Chris go off on a tangent about another podcast they have …
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S2E13 - The Steward of The Intellectual's Mind Palace
1:12:26
1:12:26
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The lads are back together and dropping some serious shade out of the gate! Pat decides to begin the show by insulting his colleagues with ancient Shakespearean insults. Chris then relives his embarrassing Cap Of Mishap challenge where he drags himself through the sand, all for the sake of comedy and "growth". Around the table then entails Pat posi…
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S2E12 - Tony Hawk Skates Helm's Deep
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42:34
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Well, this was unexpected. Pat shows his commitment by joining the show from the cramped quarters of a closet in Myrtle Beach. Warning: sound quality is a little less crispy due to Pat's toy microphone. In Breaking News From Florida, a wannabe cowboy frolics in the forest and gets the best of himself. His brain addled by the heat and Harry Potter-l…
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S2E11 - Are you Diabetes?
1:09:56
1:09:56
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This one starts out hot. Chris calls himself Daddy. The lads discuss whether their episodes should be scripted. Banter time ventures into both weathering and wuthering heights, Pat's new attitude, and more. Breaking News From Florida involves a couple that finally comes out of the closet at a drug-infused Seaology Convention. The lads discuss wheth…
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S2E10 - The Soggy Sandwich
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53:46
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Johnny has a bad day. A sad day. A soggy sandwich kinda day. Pat tries to help him fix his bleak attitude - this backfires. Breaking News From Florida makes absolutely no sense. It involves narcotics, a hungry man, Coldplay lyrics, family blackmail, pizza, and Nazis. Pat and Chris lead a tangent concerning the famous rapper, Juicebox. Johnny is not…
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S2E9 - Sad Jay Cutler Eats Sadder McMuffin
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1:01:27
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The lads begin with a killer segment: taxes. Please send your legal questions to sfhpodcasts@gmail.com. The lads continue to discuss The Internal Revenue Service despite repeated attempts to steer the conversation away. Johnny jumps in with a fire Breaking News From Florida. This one involves a Taco Bell, a tasty form of identity, and well, fire. C…
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S2E8 - A Declaration of Independence
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1:01:39
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Johnny and Pat declare their independence from Chris and host the show. Pat hasn't seen Hot Rod. Chris demonstrates his manipulative hosting power. Johnny's Corner is just about what you'd expect it to be. Pat, overwhelmed by the moment, reads CNN. The host and the other host ask the ex-host to bring an Around the Table...to the table. Alexa talks …
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S2E7 - Romantic Relations with the Police
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33:38
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T-shirt promo ends today. Code is Shadowfax. This one"s short and sweet. The lads take calls during the show. Pat gets a hole-in-one. A man in Florida attempts to have romantic relations with the entire police force...and wins his case. Around the Table explores the ubiquitous issue of the "middle-seat." Many callers weigh in on the problem. Offend…
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S2E6 - Delicious Potatoes and Distasteful Wind Missiles
1:06:46
1:06:46
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The lads begin as they always do, by complaining about stuff. Johnny and Pat form a quick alliance against Chris who has never seen a certain movie that tickles Johnny and Pat's fancy. Review the Review leads the lads down a path of wonderment, as they speculate the age of their listeners and fall into a rant about the Holy Roman Empire. Pat then s…
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S2E5 - The Great Sauce Debate
1:07:48
1:07:48
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T-shirt promo code in the episode. After a brief and unexplained hiatus, the lads return to determine which baked goods they are. The incomparable Gran Phyllis and her granddaughter read their reviews. Trending Celebs in Shelob's Web brings Donald Glover, Chris Evan's, and NASCAR to Middle-Earth. In Around the Table, Pat throws some sauce into the …
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S2E4 - A Chicken Named Huhn
55:20
55:20
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The Spaniard joins us for a second time. Chris says lol. Another "welcome" debacle ensues. The lads immediately put Johnny on the defensive concerning his poor life choices. Betsy gives her last words. Johnny once again tries to take credit for something he did not actually do. For Review the Review, Pat reads a hand-written letter that listener An…
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S2E3 - This Podcast Is Better Than Cats
48:57
48:57
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Hear ye! Hear ye! Get you t-shirts at the new merch store: teespring.com/stores/sfh-merch. The lads stumble out of the gate over podcast etiquette: Who welcomes who? And how many times? Chris is a greedy miser and talks about selling t-shirts for way too long. The lads read an excellent review from a borderless baker named Michael L, also known as …
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S2E2 - Grilled Cookies: They'll Bring the House Down
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1:00:03
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This one starts out with some baseless accusations concerning lottery tickets. The lads explore the intricacies of the vegetable world. Chris does not seem to understand what squash is. Obviously, this leads to the question of whether chestnuts would be better roasted on a closed fire. Breaking News explores the dangers of baking cookies while nake…
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S2E1 - Trending Celebs in Shelob's Web
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57:14
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Season 2 is nigh. The lads are back with their undeserved second chance and begin by exploring how Twitter was created. Johnny talks about whiskey. Shocker. Listen at 11:44 to hear Pat turn into a dying monster. Review the Review comes back to thunderous applause as Robert of Virginia lavishes Johnny with false praise and flatteries. Breaking News …
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Season 1 Finale! Part 3
1:28:37
1:28:37
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The third and final part of the trilogy. The following guests join the show: Shaun "Blarshe" Pacious, Monica "Spends her parents' hard-earned money at 7-Eleven" Pacious; Ryan "Guest episode bombed" Bartels; and Josh "Ip Man" Clarke. We continue to ask the hard-hitting questions that the world has been clamoring for. As this 4-hour extravaganza come…
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Season 1 Finale! Part 2
1:07:48
1:07:48
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The 2nd installment in the three-part season finale, otherwise known as "The Johnny Gets Roasted Trilogy." Guests include long-time listener Chris Beatty; big corn fan Sarah Meehan; legendary bartender and breadman Michael Loria; Downtown-Hashbrownz Willie Brown, and...Billy Himpler, poop joke enthusiast.…
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Season 1 Finale! Part 1
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59:13
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It's the final episode of Season 1!! We decided to take live calls from our fans to end Season 1 with a bang which turned into a three and a half-hour extravaganza. An occasion of merriment and much gravitas. The gracious peasants who called in did not disappoint in the slightest and gave us many a chuckle. Due to the high demand to be on the show …
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S1E22 - Carole Baskin (Clickbait)
40:28
40:28
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This is the first sponsored episode and probably the last. The lads are beginning to lose it. In an attempt to stay fresh and provide variety, they turned to a free-form episode. No segments -- slam poetry, if you will. There are no rules in quarantine. Johnny gives an important historical anecdote concerning carrots. The lads discuss their various…
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S1E21 - The "Mimes" of Moria
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In this week's episode, Johnny plays the victim almost immediately (as usual, what a loser). The lads again implore the audience for random content and lament the trials and tribulations of quarantine. Puns are afoot. The Intellectual names Johnny the captain of the ship and Chris, the helmsman (still scratching our heads on this). The podcast move…
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S1E20 - Pickles Tickle the Fickle Nickel
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47:40
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47:40
On our first quarantine show, pickles and sickles tickle the fickle nickel in an unbridled trickle. Johnny casts down all those who enjoy their steaks well-done. Does anyone know the difference between myoglobin and hemoglobin? Are puns the lowest form of comedy? Do you enjoy them? Meanwhile, Chris traverses the lonely road to insanity. On the cusp…
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S1E19 - Wheezy's Weezer
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55:07
The lads begin this week's episode on a very polarizing topic: whose laugh is best? It's not Pat's. They then contemplate destroying the podcast altogether (literally destroying). Chris falls through clouds and apparently forces his co-workers to do Winnie the Pooh reenactments. The Intellectual then discovers he is wearing the same socks from epis…
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S1E18 - The Spaniard
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1:11:59
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A guest joins today's show. Her name? Betsy Reig. Her background? Spain. And boyfriends. And Miller Lite. The lads and lass (ladssies?) discuss the very topical Corona beer, which is obviously the catalyst of the virus. Various social interactions and alcohol preferences are discussed which you guys won't care about. Chris is put in his rightful pl…
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S1E17 - Norwegian Pinocchio
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36:43
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36:43
A caller rudely interrupts the show. Do hobbits eat berries? The twitter contest winners are announced. Shout out to Cormac Goodwin for designing the first ever SFH t-shirt. Johnny pauses the show in a desperate gamble to retain his intellectuality from last episode. The Intellectual gives closing ceremony remarks. Johnny's Corner continues the the…
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S1E16 - Assistant to The Intellectual
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Chris likes to stuff socks in his pants. The LOTR Impersonation contest sees Johnny give the worst Gollum impression of all time. Johnny's Corner gives rise to a rather brief but serious look into the failings of the Hobbit--The Intellectual seizes his moment. Chris finds another gem on Amazon concerning hairspray. Emboldened by his comedic discove…
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