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Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen

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A weekly movie podcast hosted by stand up comedians Ryan Cullen and Mark Nelson. Join them as they pick apart their film of the week. They might discuss movies, they might not, it’ll be a laugh anyway. Argumentative, unqualified and very very funny. Cullen and Nelson are Absolute Cuts.
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The Mark Nelson Show

Mark Nelson

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Welcome to Online Marketing Secrets With Mark Nelson. This show is for entrepreneurs and business owners who are looking to learn how to market their products and services to the world. Throughout his episodes Mark will share his struggles and triumphs in his entrepreneurial journey. He also will share the mindset needed in your online business.
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"Not at the table Carlos" Episode 41 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2009, teeth pulling, tiger stealing, hooker marrying classic The Hangover. Mark and Ryan talk about Lady Gaga, treating a cut thumb and of course, VEGAS BABY. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like t…
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"Sometime I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion." Episode 40 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2001, world saving, portal opening, 6ft rabbiting classic Donnie Darko. Mark and Ryan talk about Cullen getting a cat, teenage angst and why you are a bellend if you have an expensive bike. Please get in touch and let…
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"Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds." Episode 39 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989, caped crusading, rhubarb rubbing, pale moonlight dancing classic Batman. Mark and Ryan talk about horny Joker, the Bat Cock and take smelling salts during the record. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast…
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"People look at me and see my brother." Episode 38 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999, kerb stomping, flag waving, shower assaulting classic American History X. Mark and Ryan talk about the Oscars, Edward Furlong and how many books Hitler wrote. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what…
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"Those damn Gideons" Episode 37 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996, mask wearing, disavowing, NOC list stealing classic Mission Impossible. Mark and Ryan talk about peanuts, old email addresses and the worst thing you could steal from the CIA. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what g…
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"I'd suck a fart out her asshole and hold it like a bong hit" Episode 36 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2007, frisbee throwing, breast showing, penguin's ass eating shitshow Good Luck Chuck. Mark and Ryan talk about Cullen being in Australia, red pandas and they struggle to convey how truly truly awful this film…
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"Requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I've ever met" Episode 35 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1998, oil drilling, astronaut training, don't wanna miss a thinging classic Armageddon, Mark and Ryan talk about accidental racism, animal crackers in pubic hair and how mental a b…
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"Wilsonnnnnnnnn" Episode 34 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000, parcel delivering, fire starting, raft building classic Castaway, Mark and Ryan talk about buying a gun, cursed hats and how long it would take us to shag a volleyball. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd…
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"If you're a bird then I'm a bird" Episode 33 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004, emotionally manipulating, care home dying, too many birding film The Notebook. Mark and Ryan talk about Tenerife, Skegness and whether Henry Cavill is better looking than Ryan Gosling. Please get in touch and let us know if you en…
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"Either we heal as a team, or we’re going to crumble, inch by inch, play by play, til we’re finished." Episode 32 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999, quarterbacking, tight ending', inch by inching classic Any Given Sunday. Mark and Ryan talk about Cullen being hit by cars, dodgy NFL team names and Willie, Willi…
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"I have been offered a lot for my work but never everything" Episode 31 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1960, gunslingin', bandit chasin', village savin' The Magnificent Seven. Mark and Ryan talk Nelson's latest injury, cowboy names and Cullen's taxes\. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast…
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"You're my boy Blue" Episode 30 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2003, going streaking, tranquiliser darting, earmuffing classic Old School. Mark and Ryan talk fraternities, rider demands and argue a lot about Saltburn. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on …
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"Can you fly Bobby?" Episode 29 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1987, gun twirling, toxic wasting, dollar buying classic Robocop. Mark and Ryan talk about the Epstein List, what they got up to over Christmas, and why Murphy dying is all his partner's fault. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the pod…
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"I love that word, 'relationship.' Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it?" Episode 28 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2003, spouse betraying, sex obsessed, fat shaming, Christmas classic Love Actually. Mark and Ryan talk about every single thing that is wrong with this absolute bin fire of a film. (Mark actually …
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"Attaboy Clarence" Episode 27 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1946, moon lassoing, wings achieving, Christmas classic, It's A Wonderful Life. Mark and Ryan talk about Christmas gigs, competitive drinking and why life would be better if Ryan had never been born. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the…
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“Let the kids know that from now on, it's El Padre” Episode 25 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2017, Bono singing, telephone pole cutting, Christmas classic, Daddy's Home 2. Mark and Ryan talk about auditions, whether you should say "I love You" to your family, and why John Cena does so much charity work. Please …
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“Keep the change, ya filthy animal.” Episode 25 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990, child abandoning, burglar torturing, Christmas classic Home Alone. Mark and Ryan talk about jumpers, Ryan's first job, and Mark offers up some wild theories about the McAllister family. Please get in touch and let us know if you…
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“When I was a kid, we were so poor that the roaches was on welfare.” Episode 24 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2001, Apollo playing, body inhabiting, comedy classic Down To Earth. Mark and Ryan talk about meeting Stifler’s Mom, John Lewis ads, and where they stand in the pecking order of comedy. Please get in to…
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“Hey, you guys” Episode 23 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1985 treasure hunting, truffle shuffling, adventure classic The Goonies. Mark and Ryan talk about inhaler sex, how to pronounce words, and what exactly happened to Sloth. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like…
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“As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster” Episode 22 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990 shoe shine box getting, garlic slicing, gangster epic Goodfellas. Mark and Ryan talk about Nelson's hatred of people on Instagram, Kit Kats, and whether we could be made men" Please get in touch and le…
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“Your mother’s ass is so hairy…it looks like Don King’s about to pop out and say, “Only in America!” Episode 21 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004 prosthetic, race fest, White Chicks. Mark and Ryan talk about celebrities dying, Terry Crews and some real tough Would You Rather questions. Please get in touch and …
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"Hail Paimon" Episode 20 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2018 grief stricken head spinner, Hereditary, in the second of the Halloween Specials. Mark and Ryan talk about Halloween costumes, seances and the 7 Kings of Hell. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see …
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"It's all for you" Episode 19 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1976 demonic child horror classic, The Omen, in the first of the Halloween Specials. Mark and Ryan talk about first class flying, looking at your arse in the mirror and Cullen's weird dream. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast,…
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"I can't believe I married a leprechaun" Episode 18 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2007 mentally manipulative rom com PS I Love You. Mark and Ryan talk about Belgium, the worst lap dances and how racist this film is towards the Irish. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'…
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"Can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That's crazy" Episode 17 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2007 accidental pregnancy comedy Knocked Up. Mark and Ryan talk about biscuits, condoms and Cullen's wild Catholic Church theory. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what …
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"ヒロキさん、本当にかっこいいですね" Episode 15 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 classroom beat em up film Battle Royale. Mark and Ryan talk about massive balls, the good old days of Limewire and which one of them would be killed first. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to se…
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"I'm drunk right now" Episode 15 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2012 piss head redemption film Flight. Mark and Ryan talk about Eugene attending a Jazz festival, drunken escapades and Cullen's hatred of various actors. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on…
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"Carter, you dick" Episode 14 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 inventive teen death, supernatural film Final Destination. Mark and Ryan talk about drinking sausage juice, Ashton Kutcher and Jihadis v WWE wrestlers. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on …
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"Can everyone please stop getting shot?" Episode 13 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1998 cockney gangster classic Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels. Mark and Ryan talk about Vinnie Jones, cockney rhyming slang and what their criminal nicknames would be. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast…
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"Bag of sand?" Episode 12 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 deflowering comedy The 40 Year Old Virgin. Mark and Ryan talk about Cullen being called ugly, how they lost their virginities and whether Nikola Tesla was a shagger. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like …
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"Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves" Episode 11 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1970 World War 2 heist movie, Kelly's Heroes. Mark and Ryan talk about Ryan's trip to Dubai, the futility of War and whether Saddam Hussein has ever had a night out in Dublin. Please get in touch and let us know if yo…
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"Happy New Year, Sarge" Episode 10 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 siege remake, Assault On Precinct 13. Mark and Ryan talk about SWAT tactics, basic therapy and horny cops. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and to suggest a film…
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"It's Showtime" Episode 9 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1988 horror comedy classic, Beetlejuice. Mark and Ryan talk about ghosts, the Fringe and Alec Baldwin's shooting technique. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and to suggest a f…
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"Your best? Losers whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom Queen" Episode 8 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 action classic The Rock. Mark and Ryan talk about sharing a bed, how cool Sean Connery is and Chinese bears. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests …
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"No sense being a grifter if it's the same as being a citizen" Episode 7 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1973 conman caper The Sting. Mark and Ryan talk about Banksy, scams they have been involved in and which one of them is better looking. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests…
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"My handle's Rat. Call me Rat" Episode 6 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2003 science ignoring disaster film The Core. Mark and Ryan talk about holidays, phallic symbols and exploding Popes. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and to su…
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"Did you kill a cheetah?" Episode 5 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 cross country sex comedy, Road Trip. Mark and Ryan talk about mushrooms, chemical burns and how Tom Green was ever famous. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future episodes and …
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"Papa's got a brand new bag" Episode 3 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 gold twin revolvered action film, Face/Off. Mark and Ryan talk about chopsticks, the origins of Netflix and John Travolta's big head. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future…
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"Answer the question Claire" Episode 3 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1985 quintessential teen movie, The Breakfast Club. Mark and Ryan talk about detention, mobility scooters and mental high school teachers. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd like to see on in future…
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"Now that's what I call a close encounter" Episode 2 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 sci-fi action classic Independence Day. Mark and Ryan talk about anal probes, blackmailing aliens and why Cullen's Dad Eugene owns nunchucks. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests you'd li…
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"Some motherf****** are always trying to ice-skate uphill" Episode 1 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1998 vampire classic Blade, starring Wesley Snipes. Mark and Ryan talk about the Irish undead, things which cost more than they should and which classic movie monster they would sleep with. Please get in touch and…
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