Totino's Portrait Rolls

Sapphic Culture Club

It's time we talked about the most sapphic content SNL has ever aired: the Totino Pizza Roll trilogy, written by and starring Vanessa Bayer, co-written by Sarah Schneider and Chris Kelly with a key guest appearance by Kristen Stewart. We'll also discuss Act III's uncanny parallels with Portrait of a Lady on Fire. What are you hungry for?

Episode transcript: https://docs.google.com/document/d/19ozuSOBPHwzWXVUCmcyXaxV6ba7AG8FU8taB5MqbMu8/edit?usp=sharing

Links from the show

• Every Totino’s Ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izhvfRP4DZo
• Just the KStew Totino’s skit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4kpVO56OBU
• Vulture article and audio interview with CK & SS: https://www.vulture.com/2019/02/snl-totinos-sketches-vanessa-bayer-chris-kelly-sarah-schneider-interview.html

Homemade tonic water recipe

(adapted from Rainbow Grocery Co-op recipe)

1. Simmer, on low heat for 30 min, these things in 3 cups of water:

• 1/4 cup cinchona bark
• 1/4 cup citric acid
• 15 cardamom pods
• 10 allspice berries
• 10 cloves
• 2 tb dried lavender
• 1/4 tsp salt

2. Add the peeled zests of 2 oranges, 2 lemons, 2 limes, 2 grapefruits (or any combo of 2 or more citruses) and 3 chopped stalks of lemongrass to your mixture

3. Store in a sealed glass jar in the fridge for 3 days, shaking once or twice per day

4. Strain using a fine cheese cloth or coffee filter

5. Combine with simple syrup (2:1 cups of sugar to water - adjust to your personal taste)

6. Funnel into a bottle and store in the fridge