I Haven't Had Many Dates In My Life. But I've Had Plenty Of Women And I'm Not Entirely Sure How. Where Should One Go On A Date And How Much Money Should One Expect To Spend. I Didn't Go To Prom Thereby Ruining Myself Altogether As Far As My Future Romantic Endeavors. My High School Career Was Unsettling. Chinese Food Is Difficult To Identify. Why C…

Don't Give Me Cardinal Directions. I Don't Know What It Means. Everyone Now Has Friends They've Never Met. Which Is Nonsensical. The People Whom You Haven't Yet Met Are Strangers. They Are Not Friends. Life On Other Planets? Who Cares. I Tried Calculating Something Having To Do With The Speed Of Light. Please Ignore. What Are Life Forms Exactly? No…

I Want My Wife And I To Stay Together, She Doesn't. I Don't Quite Know Why. She's Very Neat Though. Is It Wholly Unreasonable To Want A Few Words Of Encouragement Every Now And Again. The Acceptance Of Men Expressing Their Feelings Has Yet To Become A Thing. Feeling Good About Oneself Is A Superpower. Why Are Men Required To Be Ok Without Being Ack…

Okay So It Wasn't Actually A Date Date. But We Did Have A Pretty Good Time Doing Our Scene Together In Her Record Breaking Film "The Idea Of You". She Was Smart, Warm, Personable, And Very Very Pretty. She Has Great Teeth Too. I'm Pretty Sure We Eye Kissed. So What Do I Do Now. Or Next. Or Ever.

Hip Hop Beef Used To Be Cool I Guess But I Can't Get Into Beef Of Any Kind Any More. Even With My Wife. Are We In A Time Machine. 30 Years Ago Seems Like It Was Just A Few Years Ago. What Is Friendship. Unless You Somehow Forget About Your Friends' Existence You Should Contact Them Otherwise They Obviously Don't Mean Much To You. All Anyone Really …

I Can't Figure Out How To Make Either Myself Or My Wife HAPPY. I'm Not Sure If I'm Lonely, But To Show And Share Your Emotions And Feelings Is An Act Of BRAVERY. Give Away All Your S.P.L.E.E.N.s. (Sparkling Pristine Love Emotion Energy Nuggets) Kindergarteners Are Pretty Cool Actually Mostly Because They Know That They Don't Know Anything. NY VS LA…

Spiders Are Benign. Mostly. Roaches Are Something Else Altogether. Don't Feel 'Bad'. What Exactly Does Bad Mean Anyway. Packaging Gives Me Fits. I Wish She Were More Curious About Me And My Stuff. Dark Chocolate Over Milk Chocolate Every Day. Codependence Is Your Ruination.

Have You Ever Tried Silence. What Are Dreams. English Muffins Or Bagels. Cold Showers Work.

In This Episode I Discuss The Competition Between MJ AND PRINCE During The 80's. I Also Talk A Little About Monkeys. I Don't Think I Like Monkeys. A Lot Of It Has To Do With Their Posture. A Little About Dhamma, Teachings Of The Buddha. Oh And Sardines Are Wonderful.

What Exactly Constitutes Art. Is It Sneakers? Foil? Bricks? Crawling? Dirt? Made A List Of Stuff I Like. I Know Why We're All Traumatized. It's Mother Goose. Upon Further Inspection They're Replete With Death, Destruction, Gore, Murder, Sadism, Animal Cruelty, Ageism, Pain, Perversion, Poverty, And Absolute Pathos. Is It Too Late To Charge Mother G…

I Shouldn't Be Afraid Of My Wife. Should I? Do Women Think Men Are Robots. Are We? Is It Ok For A Man To Feel Insecure And Needy. Or Wait, Is He Then A Woman? Maybe I Just Need A Hug. Or Something To Eat.

How Much Water Can The Sky Possibly Create. Stomach Aches Are Explainable But Headaches? Weird. Pillows Don't Get The Credit They Deserve. Folks Are Proud Of Their Couch But Pillows Not So Much. 4 Goals I've Come Up With. I Guess I Need More Stuff. I Want To Be Of Service To Humanity But I Don't Want To Teach Kids Even Though It Creates Good Karma.…

It's 6:21 PM And And I'm In Bed. Why Am I So Tired. 50 Straight Push Ups Is Good. The Art Of Not Being An Asshole. Today I Wanted To Be Tender With My Wife And Son. I Think I Succeeded. Even If She Didn't Notice. What Kind Of Word Is Squoze. On Trying To Mend My Relationship. I Might Be Beta. How To Change.…

Allergies Are The Devil's Playground. Why Did No One Tell Me I Was On The Allergy Line. What Is Success. Is It A Feeling Or A Car. How Does Anyone Know Exactly What They Want. Who Decided Which Fruits Could Become Fruit Juice. Frozen Blueberries Are So Much Better. Pulp Free Orange Juice Is The Equivalent Of Non Chew Meat. Bananas Offer No Resistan…

My Shoelaces. Spoons. The Faucet. Wind. Calendars. Lint. I Talk To All This Stuff. Too Many Things Are Being Documented And We Still Don't Believe Any Of It. What Is FOBLO. I Enjoy Being Left Out. I Don't Follow Anything Or Anybody. How I Fought Off Depression. Avoid The Heinous Cacophony Of Social Media. Is Jangle A Word? Buddhism Keeps Me Sane. I…

What Exactly Is Cold Weather For? Dark Chocolate Over Milk Chocolate Every Day Of The Year. What's The Male Equivalent Of Stockings. Is Toe Cleavage A Thing. How Do Airplanes Collide On The Runway. Or In The Sky For That Matter. I Want To Stare More.Develop A Super Hero Alias. Now.

Is There A Solution? Is Coffee Good Or Bad For You? Does Anyone Know Definitively? What Happened To Cookies? The Fig Newton Dilemma. I'll Never Click The Link In Your 'Bio'. My Desktop Is Clean Enough, Thank You. I'm Not Interested In Entertainment Because It's Not Entertaining.

I Allowed Myself To Buy Myself Some New Boots And It Changed My Life. Kinda. Not Many Things Are Better Than Walking. I Need That Rust Sweater. I'm Not Good At Socializing But I Don't Know Why Because I'm Good At Socializing.You Can Change So Many Things About Yourself. Zazen Was Great Except For The Earthquake. But Even That Was Pretty Good.…

Why Are Kangaroos So Aggressive. The Characters In Winnie The Pooh Deserve Better Names. The Cat In The Hat Staged A Home Invasion. Mother Goose VS Aesop's Fables. Hippopotamuses? Can We All Agree That Motorcycles Are Annoying? The Godfather.

I Keep Thinking I'm Doing Something Wrong. Are Vegetables Trying To Kill Me? I Don't Drink Alcohol, Steal, Curse, Or Masturbate, And Yet I Must Be Doing Something Wrong. Do Children Worry? About What? I Noticed That My Head Was Tilted During The Google Meets Meeting. Maybe I Should See Barbie?

I've No Idea What To Give My Attention To. So I Started To Become Delusional. On Purpose. But It's Difficult Because I'm Buddhist Now. Sigh. I Can't Even Delude Myself Anymore. I Wonder If I Can Fake My Delusion. But Would That Make Me Double Deluded? Fuck.

How Is It Possible That Good French Fries Aren't Ubiquitous. Semen Retention To Get Girls? What TF Is That. If That Isn't An Oxymoron What Is? Childhood Is Trauma Preparedness Training. Take Punishment For Example. Or Long Division.

There's Never A Seat At Starbucks. It's Perplexingly Difficult To Untie My Sneaker Laces. ATM's Should Enforce A 5 Minute Time Limit. 8 Signs Of Deeply Unhappy Men. I've Got At Least 4. INFJ-A. Everyone Wants To Be "Unique". Be Uninteresting, That's Unique.

Designer Stuff? For What? Thermals Are All You Need. And A Good Grey Suit Jacket. Hoodies Are Important. Colorful Socks Too. No Grown Man Wants To Be 'Thin'. Addiction Is Human. My Skeptical Wife. My Morning Routine. Cereal.

My Wife Is A Mininalist. 10 Years Is A Long Time. Maybe That's Why She Doesn't Like Me So Much. Women Know Everything About You But You Know Nothing About Them. Even After 10 Years. Especially After 10 Years. Sex Is Wrestling. Sometimes It Hurts. Why Are Some Men Good In Bed And Others Aren't. What Could Be So Different.…

Self Checkout Has Failed. They Didn't See That Coming? McRib? Automation Won't Work. On Relationships- The 3 Month Relationship Is Often The Best Relationship. I Was A Ghostbuster. Marriages Should Include A Ten Year Expiration Date With The Option To Extend.

Snoring is an abomination. Birds Who Can't Fly Seem Like A Malapropism. That Darwin Came Up With Evolution On His Own Is Astounding. I Had An Interesting Night In Roppongi. What Should I Have Said To Her?

Work At Home Culture Eludes Me. I've Got Too Many Other Things Going On At Home. How Can I Work There. How's Your Socks Collection Looking? Don't Play Yourself. Get Better Socks. Shirts Are A Bit Overrated. TEAMS Is The Bain Of My Existence. What's With Sociopathic Barbers Who Can Never Just Take A Little Off The Sides.…

French Fries Are Pretty Much Perfect. Potato Chips, Almost. Chocolate Chip Cookies In Japan Not So Much. Why Does No One Admit That Chicken Is Virtually Tasteless And That It's All In The Texture. How Is It That Boxes Still Exist. The Post Office Is An Anachronism. Japan Doesn't Do Pizza Very Well.

MUSIC IS LIKE THE WIND. It moves in mysterious ways. Lots of 'music' is soul poison. Is HIP HOP still hip hop? Are you LISTENING to the words? Or, worse, are you NOT listening. Whose voice are you hearing in your head? Yours, or someone else's? Can you tell the difference anymore? MUSIC IS THE MOST POWERFUL, and most insidious, art form. Clean your…

Hoodies In The Summer?Along With Whatever Legal Punishment That Exists For Thieves They Should Be Punched In The Face. Liars Too. Women Who Get BBL's Are Daredevils. Does Bow Wow Really Have A Jet? White People Are Paying Big Money To Look Like.. Black People.

Abrupt.

Seaside Heights Is 'Fun'. Salsa Just May Be The World's Best Music. I Wonder If There's Salsa In English. What's So Amusing About Amusement Parks? The Kettle Bell Craze Has Gone Far Enough. New Jersey Is Peculiar.

There's nothing on earth with a lower ROI than chewing gum. French Fries Are Almost Perfection.What Is Ketchup Really?Chocolate Chip cookies however are God's snack. Shrimp, chicken wings, mayonnaise, and Peanut Butter fall somewhere in between.

Can You Ask A Person How You Smell? I Don't Think Eating 3 Times A Day Is All It's Cracked Up To Be. And Yes, Unfortunately Teenagers Are Smarter Than You. I Also Need New Sneakers. Recreational Marijuana Will Destroy Us All.

The Aliens would have opened amusement parks already. At least stores and restaurants. Right? Come on. Why do children hate their parents. We do everything for them. They'd be dead without us. But they hate us. Why. Notes before my impending Fame. Going to WaWa. Shitty beverage selection.

Buddhism Is Better Than Other Religions Because There's No Singing

I just wanted to rant a little bit about the current state of music.

Dogs Are Human. Sorta. Cats? They Seem like indifferent alien animals. What makes a good pet? Is Barbara A Good Name For A Cat? Don't Get Me Started On Turtles. Finally, Are You Prepared To Live In The Meta Verse? Where Is It? Can I Touch It? Weird.

What?! Christmas Isn't Actually About Santa Claus And Rudolph?? It's About Something Else? WHO CARES. Also, How Scuba Diving, Mountain Climbing, Sky Diving And Running With The Bulls are all exactly the same thing. Also, Why No Country Would Ever Be Dumb Enough To Invade America.

Do Kids Still Want Toys? I Mean, Are Toys Over? Also, What's The Deal With Packaging? And, The Great Hot Air Balloon Adventure.

Listen. Does Anyone Really Need A Colonoscopy? And For What? Isn't It A Bit Too Much? Speaking Of Which, Can I Get My Wisdom Teeth Back Please? What's With All The Poking, Probing, And Pulling? My God.

When A Woman Is Beautiful And Knows She's Beautiful, She's A Beautiful Woman. What If You're A Man Whom Other People Say Is Handsome, But You Don't Believe It, And It Becomes A Handicap? Being Handsome Ain't All It's Cracked Up To Be.

Lil Weezy. Lil Uzi. DaBaby. Lil Baby. And Young Thug. These Guys Are All Coming Over For Dinner. You Ready? Oh And Post Malone Too. So Why Do I Keep Having Dreams About 50 Cent?

Besides my banal intro about bad haircuts, myself and my pal Japan Pimp get into a discussion on the various merits of Japanese Women.

In This Second Part Of My Discussion With Japan Pimp We Get Into Details About Relationships With Japanese Women.

There's an ongoing debate as to which is the best sweet breakfast food. I think I have the answer. I think. Where exactly does chocolate come from? Are there chocolate trees? Chocolate animals? WTF.

Had a discussion recently revolving around FRENCH TOAST, which I'd thought was a universally loved thing. It's not. There are actually folks who don't like French Toast. Some folks even hate French Toast. How? Then there's CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM, which is radioactive waste as far as I'm concerned. I sing the praises of PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES. But no…

How much stuff do you need man? In this episode we ask ourselves how much stuff you can accumulate. We also discuss the Dorito Effect. How many Doritos can a person eat, and what might life be like if Doritos didn't exist.

White America is addicted to opioids and they're angry about it. Searching for scapegoats, they're suing pharmaceutical companies for making the drugs available to them, and suing Walmart for selling the drugs to them. West coast correspondent JapanPimp puts them on blast.