Read the Sand (AKA CoS) Season 2, Episode 6: The World of Finance (November 16 2008)

Cafe of Shame uses radio to destroy

An uncertifiably licensed financial expert (Sean) joins our certifiably unlicensed financial expert (John) in the studio to answer questions from the financially challenged listenership. Bobby will be pimped out before Solomon reads sand and donkeys:

• Justin talks about how the economy has forced him to sleep in toll booths and knit squirrel pelts
• Movie Preview: The Knick Nack Boys (proprietors of a modest retail business)
• Commercial: Baby Hypnosis
• A financial question answered: give your daughter a few extra thousand a week, call Brian in Davis Sq. for your X, and buy some snack cakes with no nutritional value
• A caller, Louinda, chastises the hosts for not including Eric and his Bentonville HS football team in last week’s episode about tigers, after which John explains how people can fall asleep listening to someone who doesn’t wear a funny hat, resulting in a tasty recipe for respecting the ladies and some financial advice about the perils of BBBY
• A caller, Tara, talks about blowing part of her savings on laser hair removal in her nether regions that she now wants back, and Sean brilliantly suggests the merkin
• A celebrity caller, Christopher, expounds on the crashing Harvard Endowment and the auto industry tells, after which Bob(by) asks Chris a few important questions (he wants to eat salty foods and to give terrorist fist bumps)
• Commercial: Clam Top Bitterinos
• Errrrgh — the WZBC promotions director (dick) calls in to tell us we’re on probation, one strike and we’re out.
• Bobby needs to turn some tricks in order to pay for LaToya Jackson’s appearance next week
• A financial question answered: you can afford the wedding by throwing a three-state house party
• A financial question from Merlin the Magician answered: Q – debit or credit? A – peppermint candy, E and IT
• Investing $28 in the best way possible (drive pour milk face punch? porn? gummy donuts?)
• Solomon the Great with his cloak and bowl of sand scares himself before reading fortunes in sand and donkeys
• Yolanda asks a question about Barilla stock and Solomon reads ‘divest’ in the sand
• Beth asks a question about mutual funds and Soloman consults the donkey and talks about an acting baby and donuts in the freezer
• An unidentified caller shares info on Mary Baker Eddy and she’s in the Bee Gees and eeeeurrrrgh
• Eve might need to declare some cash and Solomon reads the donkey and says no
• Tommy wants to invest in Touch of Evil and Solomon reads the donkey and says plaster your money to the screen
• The promotions director shoots another flame up our asses.

Quantify your dreams on this here show.