Avoid 'negative people' or 'energy vampires' and become agoraphobic and powerless instead!

CAOS

There are many social media posts that advocate 'staying away from negative people' as a way of living life to the full and to achieve 'happiness'. In this video and podcast Alan talks about the many downsides to this approach to life that are not often considered in such suggestions, initially that simply to see someone as 'negative' is in itself 'negative' and so it would seem we then must have to stay away from ourselves! This self-contradiction or hypocrisy will then often lead to an approach to life where we persistently cut ourselves off from more and more. people as their inevitable human 'negativity' emerges in the relationship we have with them. Indeed some people reach a recognition that they have always cut ties with someone when they have felt upset as a consequence of the person's actions and as a consequence they have become isolated or even 'agoraphobic' with regard to going out and engaging with people in case they come across the growing number of people they see as 'negative' or 'energy vampires'.

The phrase 'energy vampire' is applied to people who are seen as 'sucking the life out of us' as if anyone has that capacity and, again, ignores our own part in any such experience that if someone shares a personal difficulty they are having with us, we are worn out by it when we feel we have to 'fix' them as a consequence or 'take on their burden' when simply listening without that self-created expectation is more healthy both for the person experiencing difficulty and for us in that we can listen without feeling we have to take over and carry the difficulty the person is communicating about for them! The sense of 'life being sucked out of us' is a misinterpretation as that is, of course, impossible, but if we feel tired from the listening to someone speaking about their life challenges it will be because we are trying to take on something we have no power to do and so we are tiring ourselves out by doing this. They are not 'energy vampires' we are trying to 'rescue' them and control something we have no control over....that will inevitably be tiring.

This is the article by Nikki Sapp that Alan refers to in the podcast: https://fractalenlightenment.com/32288/life/how-to-find-yourself-through-your-perception-of-others

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype for FaceTime, please contact Alan via this webpage:

https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

BOOKS written by Alan:

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Images from www.pixabay.com and www.unsplash.com