708: Preparing for a Conversation with Someone You Don’t Trust, with Charles Feltman

Coaching for Leaders

Charles Feltman: The Thin Book of Trust

Charles Feltman is the founder of Insight Coaching. He has over 25 years of professional experience coaching, facilitating, consulting to, and training people who lead others. He is the author of The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work*.

It’s a reality of life that we need to interact with some people we’d rather not. And it’s absolutely a reality of leadership, that sometimes we need to have a conversation with someone we don’t quite trust. In this episode, Charles and I explore how to prepare so it goes better for both parties.

Key Points

• The four assessment domains of trust include care, sincerity, reliability, and competence.

Seven steps to prepare for a conversation:

1. Identify the assessment(s) you are concerned with: care, sincerity, reliability, and/or competence.
2. Define the standard you are using.
3. Identify the specific actions or behaviors that have led to your assessment of distrust.
4. Consider what you are doing that may be contributing to the situation.
5. Determine what you need from them in order for them to regain your trust.
6. Decide if you are willing to talk to the person about it.
7. Ask the other person if they would be willing to have a conversation with you.

Resources Mentioned

• The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work* by Charles Feltman

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

• How to Handle Pushback From Difficult Askers, with Vanessa Patrick (episode 637)
• How to Help Difficult Conversations Go Better, with Sheila Heen (episode 655)
• How to Change People’s Minds, with Michael McQueen (episode 676)

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