5 Debate Tactics To Avoid With Friends

Conflict Skills

In this episode of the Conflict Skills Podcast, host Simon Goode discusses five online debate tactics that are ineffective when used with friends and family, and offers alternatives for better communication. He emphasises the importance of avoiding aggressive behaviors like interrupting, applying pressure, and using sarcasm, suggesting instead to listen respectfully, reduce pressure, and acknowledge differing viewpoints. The episode aims to help listeners improve their conflict resolution skills in personal relationships by reflecting on Simon's own past mistakes and learning from them.
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Online Debate Tactics That Don’t Work (With Friends & Family)

1. Interrupting and Controlling the Conversation
   • How it manifests in conversations (e.g., talking over, steering the conversation)
   • Results and outcomes of using this tactic
   • Personal anecdote about Simon’s usage of this tactic
2. Applying Pressure
   • Different ways pressure is applied (e.g., fixed choice questions, not letting thoughts form)
   • Outcomes and the other person’s typical reactions
   • Examples that illustrate pressure application
   • Simon’s discussion on workplace application vs. personal contexts
3. Humor and Ridicule
   • Use of sarcasm and humor in debates
   • Examples of sarcastic ridicule
   • Psychological impact on social survival and tribe dynamics
   • Risks associated with this tactic in emotionally charged conversations
4. Straw Manning
   • Definition and explanation of the straw man argument
   • Examples of straw manning
   • How it causes disengagement
   • Simon’s personal history with this tactic
5. Walking Away
   • Situations where walking away might be seen as losing or ending the debate
   • Impact of unfinished business with friends
   • Importance of long-term relationship dynamics

Effective Strategies for Managing Debates and Disagreements

1. Allowing Space and Letting Them Speak
   • Apologizing for interruptions
   • Focusing on active listening
   • Methods to signal attention and readiness to listen
2. Reducing Pressure
   • Giving control over the timing and location of the conversation
   • Allowing autonomy and choice
   • Examples of reducing perceived pressure
3. Respect and Deference
   • Being overly deferential and respectful in both language and behavior
   • Treating the other person’s perspective with seriousness and importance
   • Situational examples of applying respect and deference
4. Steel Manning
   • Definition of steel manning
   • Techniques to present the other person’s argument in the best possible light
   • Benefits of acknowledging the internal logic of others’ perspectives
5. Leaving Room for Continued Dialogue
   • Confirming the opportunity for future discussions
   • Suggestions for ending conversations on good terms
   • Validating different views without pressure to resolve immediately

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