How to Play D&D while Being a Parent

How to Be a Better DM: Dungeon Master Tips for the DM Newbie, the Hobbyist and the Forever DM

Welcome dungeon masters to How to Be a Better DM, the official podcast of Monsters.Rent. Today, I’m your host, Justin Lewis and together let’s discover how to make every session the best session of Dungeons and Dragons with you as the dungeon master.

Today, like so many other episodes, I’ll be discussing some tips for how to deal with a particular problem that faces many dungeon masters.

Unlike other episodes though, today I offer my point of view with the full knowledge that I myself am new at facing this particular challenge, and I hesitate to say anything because I don’t want to offend, or give the impression that I even know half of what I am doing. Today, we are going to talk about how to be a dungeon master and play D&D regularly when you have kids.

Big topic, I know.

As some of you might know, my child was born back in August of 2023 and him coming into my life has really shaken things up for me, as parenthood has for many people. I firmly believe that parenthood changes a lot of for you, but it doesn’t have to delete your hobbies and passions, and in fact, one of the great challenges of parenthood is finding ways to continue doing all the things you love with the addition of your family. I think that is a great example to set for your kids and it leads to a lot less resentment later in life. Obviously, I’m not saying to forget about your kids and your family. There is a fine line to walk and sometimes you do have to pass up a particular session because your family needs you. But hopefully, with these tips, that won’t happen as often.

Disclaimer

Before I get started into these tips, I need to give a brief disclaimer.

You absolutely need to know and understand that I am in no way a parenting expert. I do not give any of this as direct parenting advice. Instead these are ideas that you can try out. I’ve only been a parent for a little more than a month now and am not the guru of parenting that I wish I was. So take my advice at your own peril…

That said, these ideas aren’t that extreme. With some tweaking and changing, you should be able to make it work for your unique situation.

So with that, let’s get into it.

Get the Buy In of Your Significant Other

The first thing you need to do is get the buy in of your significant other. This is crucial because as we all know, communication is key in any relationship. It’s also important for you and your partner to both communicate your wants and wishes. You want something, in this case you probably want to play D&D. Your partner wants something too. The only way to know what they want and to let your partner to know what you want is to start communication.

This works the same way with partners where one partner is playing D&D or partners where both partners play in the same D&D group.

If the partners are in the same D&D group, then the buy-in you each need to give and get is for a commitment from each of you to do whatever it takes to make the games happen and make them fun for each partner. This means that each of you will need to be willing to adapt and try new things that might feel weird or look strange.

If only one partner is playing in a D&D group, then the buy-in changes a little bit. You both need to give your buy-in but in this case, the terms change. In the case of the non-player partner of the relationship, the buy-in needs to be such that they are willing to watch the child/children while you play D&D. They need to understand how long the games will be and the cadence of the games. They must not be surprised at the length or frequency of the games.

On the player side the terms are a little different. You will likely need to show a willingness to make it so the non-player partner can have a similar opportunity to hang out with friends. Be willing to watch the child while they go out every once in a while. Or just be willing to be a little more present with the child while you are at home. Honestly, it’s very possible that you don’t even need to give anything for your partner to be ok with you going to play D&D every week. But, make sure their wants and wishes are heard otherwise, you’ll be headed for disaster.

Get Table Buy In

Even after you and your partner come to an agreement, you’re not done getting buy-in. Now, you’ve got to get your table’s buy-in. Because this podcast is for dungeon masters specifically, I’ll talk from that viewpoint, but that doesn’t mean that this advice doesn’t apply to everyone at the table.

First, you need to help the adjust their expectations of you. You have a child, a family. That takes precedence. That means that sometimes, you won’t have as much time to prepare the sessions, or sometimes your D&D sessions will need to be cut a little short. It might even mean that you’ll have to DM with a baby on the hip. Your situation will look different and unique and your players need to understand and be given the chance to decide whether that’s something they want to deal with. It’s your child, not theirs. It wouldn’t hurt in this instance to also explain your commitment to the table as well. They would probably like to know that you care about the game and want it to be a success.

Just as long as everyone at the table is fully aware (for the most part) of the experience they will have while playing, and they are all ok with it, including you, then you have set your table up for success.

Enlist the Help of Relatives or Friends

The next thing you can do is start compiling a list of people that you 100% trust that would be willing to watch your child while you play D&D. Often relatives are a good place to start. If there are Grandparents in the mix, then that is an excellent place to start, but brothers, sisters, cousins, and neighborhood babysitters work too. The type of babysitter will change depending on how many kids you have and what ages. Also, if you can find a relative or someone who is willing to watch your child for free, that is ideal. Paying for a babysitter every week can start to add up. You might also consider doing some sort of a babysitting trade, finding someone who needs it on days or nights when you are not playing.

Adapt

The last general tip that I can give is that you need to be just as creative at finding a solution as you are when you play D&D. Life can be complicated and messy and when you can think outside the box to find uncommon solutions, things work all the better.

Now, let’s talk about some more specific methods that might be just what you need to make playing D&D with a child or children at home that much more possible.

D&D While Your Child is Sleeping

The first method you might give a try is to play D&D when the kid/s go to bed. Most kids have an earlier bedtime so playing afterhours might be the solution you’ve been looking for. If your group has content that belongs after-hours anyways, then this might be a match made in heaven.

If you do want to give this method a try, there are a few things that you should think about.

How loud is my group?

If your group happens to play loud and proud then you might consider trying a different method. Or you might think about soundproofing the room you play in. At the end of the day (pun intended) the last thing you want is for your child to not be able to sleep and to start crying or screaming or just having a bad time.

Will we be playing at my house?

If your group doesn’t play at your house, then having your child sleep may be somewhat strange depending on the circumstances. For example, if your group normally plays at the local game store, then having a child sleep while you play probably won’t work without a babysitter. On the other hand, if your group plays at a friend’s house and that friend is ok with you bringing a pack-n-play or a bassinet and setting it up in another room where the child can get some nice sleep, then that totally works.

Will the child sleep in the same room that we will play D&D in?

If you have a small infant like I do, then having them sleep in a different room would probably be a very unpleasant thought, at least in the newborn phase of your child’s growth. For me, I would need to have the baby in the same room in a bassinet or something. If the child is older, then having them in another room would likely be the ideal situation so that the child can get a good night’s sleep.

Will the child need monitoring?

If the child is young enough, monitoring might need to be set up to keep track of the child and to make sure that they do not fall victim to any danger that could harm them. If they are in the same room, then no worries. If they are in a different room, then you may want to bring all of your technological prowess to bear. Maybe the simplest and cheapest method of monitoring a child would be to set up a video call between two phones and position one to always be able to see the child.

More expensive options include things like an Owlet camera or a simple baby monitor and more.

D&D With Baby In Arms

If you have an infant like myself, then another option opens up and that is to play D&D with the child in your arms. Obviously, this option is only available if your table is open to it, knowing that there is a major possibility that at random intervals, the person holding the baby will have to tap out of the game for a moment to take care of baby, and also there is the obvious risk of a crying baby mid-game.

That said, if your baby is young enough then having them sit in your arms (or something like it) can be a great thing. For example, even as I wrote this episode, I had my son in a baby carrier strapped to my chest. I sat at my kitchen table writing while gently swaying back and forth to keep him calm and entertained. Whatever you have to do works.

When pursuing this method, it may help to have various tools at your disposal. For exampl the baby carrier that I already mentioned or some handy swaddles to keep the baby wrapped up nice and snug.

Having some clean binkies or toys might be what you need to do. If you are breastfeeding your baby, having one of those breastfeeding shawls or covers so you can feed while at the table would be helpful.

In this case, I would say having your character sheet on some sort of computer or ipad would be preferable to having it on paper because an electronic device is a lot harder to get mixed up when you have a squirming baby in your arms.

Of course, at the end of the day, what works for you is what works.

Get a Babysitter

Honestly, when it comes to getting a babysitter, I’ve said so much already that how can I possibly say more? Watch me!

When it comes to finding a local babysitter you can try a few different things. First, I would ask family and friends, in that order. Family is usually more willing to help but friends can be just as awesome too. Whoever it is, make sure you trust them completely and that you leave crystal clear instructions on how to care for your child and what to do in an emergency.

After that, you might try your neighbor kids if they are in that perfect babysitting age. 12-16 is generally a good range. Personally I would opt for a girl babysitter just because they would generally be more patient, kind and understanding of my child’s needs than a teenage boy would be but you do you.

If you still can’t find a babysitter, you can ask at your local church if you attend to see if someone there might be able to help.

After that, start asking people you know if they know someone. Always vet the baby sitter to hearts content when getting referrals because sometimes things aren’t as they appear.

Finally, you can hire a professional baby sitter from professional service, though that will likely cost you much more.

Involve Your Child

Now, if you are unlike myself and your kid/s are old enough to start to understand some of the game, then you might consider involving them a little in the game.

Again, though it doesn’t need to be said, I’ll say it anyways, you can only do this if your D&D group is ok with it.

You also need to realize that if your other players in the group have kids too they might want to involve their kids and the whole thing can spiral out of control real fast so be wise.

But if your child is 5 - 10 you might have them sit at the table and play the game with you. If your DM is ok with it, the Child could become sort of an NPC, like a child in the game or some sort of familiar. You can ask them what to do and how to act in certain situations.

If you play a paladin, cleric or a warlock, you might have your child play the part of your Diety or patron respectively, giving you guidance in moments of need. This will likely lead to some laughs along the way and you and your kid will bond over a very fun hobby, D&D.

If the child is younger, you might have them sit on your lap and roll the d20 anytime you need one rolled. They can be around you and the game and start to enjoy rolling the dice, seeing the outcome and hearing everyone at the table cry is dismay or triumph.

This all only works if your child cooperates obviously, so don’t press the point if kiddo isn’t impressed.

Play Shorter Sessions

One of the simplest tactics to take if you have to balance being a parent and a Dungeon Master is to play shorter sessions. I know that we are all thinking that this is probably the least desirable method, but you have to admit that it is effective. Ask your players if they would be willing to play shorter sessions. Most will agree just to be able to keep playing.

Doing shorter sessions is a good method to try for a couple reasons. For one, you don’t always have to play shorter sessions. Sometimes, you’ll get a good 4 hour game in and other times, you may have to cap it at one hour.

Secondly, having shorter sessions means that you have to prepare less. You don’t have to come to the table with 4 hours prepared if you are planning on only playing for 2.

Even though it might be a really great idea to do shorter sessions, you still need to keep some things in mind.

With shorter sessions, you will need your table to understand that they really need to pay attention and be courteous when the spotlight is on someone else. It often happens that one character is doing something while everyone else waits. In those moments, everyone needs to be adults and wait patiently for their turn. Doing so will allow a reciprocal exchange of respect for everyone at the table and it will make it so each person can do their thing uninterrupted, and therefore faster, making it easier to get to everyone.

I find this consideration to be one that people seem to miss a little. Even though we are playing a make believe game, we can still act like adults, so let your player’s know.

Play Online

If you can’t find a babysitter, then consider playing online. I know for some people it’s a bit of a leap, but drastic circumstances call for drastic measures. Being able to play online would allow you to take breaks every so often to do the necessary things with your kid. If you have a wireless headset and are a master at multi tasking, you might even consider doing both at the same time, though I wouldn’t recommend it. Dividing yourself between two things means that two things get only fractions of your whole self. You don’t want to do that to your kid or your D&D group.

That said, it is a lot easier to keep an eye on your kid as they play with toys in the same room that you are DMing in. You might need to ask for some patience from your group because you’ll likely need to give direction to your kid every once in a while, but it might just be the fit that you need to make sure you keep playing.

Become a Scheduling Wizard

Finally, the last tip that I would suggest is to make sure you become really good at maintaining a schedule. This is for a few reasons. As a parent, any time you get to yourself is precious, just as any time you have with your little one is precious. You want to make the most of both. Being able to alot the right amount of time for the things that are important to you will make sure that they don’t fall by the wayside.

You’ll also be able to fulfill any promises you made to your significant other about watching the kid so they can go do something fun too. Time is our most precious resource because it really is the only thing we have. Being able to spend the right amounts of time doing the things that matter will make all the difference.

Now, there is a big chance that a lot of you don’t have kids. That’s ok. You’ll likely play with someone who does and these tips will allow you to help them and be in their corner. It should also give you a little more sympathy for parents trying to play D&D and parent at the same time.

At the end of the day, I hope these tips have given you some good ideas and hopefully sparked some creative ideas that I didn’t even think of. D&D is fun and so is being a parent and by golly, I truly believe that we can do both.

Thanks for joining me on today’s episode. We’ll be back next week with another amazing episode. Until then, let’s roll initiative.

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