A No-Fly List for Jerks, Sex Jets, and Other Mysteries of Modern Air Travel

Journos

We've talked about Cucumber Time before: that "silly season" in summer and late in the year when the media decides not much is happening (all evidence to the contrary) and crams its news hole with frivolity.

A species of Cucumber Time is on us again: this one we call Horny Time, when outlets scramble to find stories about love and lust to fluff us up for Valentine's Day. NYT served us up a moist one about a Las Vegas airplane charter biz that rolls out the satin pillows for customers to join the Mile High Club. It'll cost you, but the pilot's privacy curtain is included.

All this talk of high-altitude frolicking taxied us over to another airline story: Southwest is finally bringing booze back, baby-baby! For those of us who carry more Southwest drink tickets in our wallets than shabby American "currency," this is fine news, at long last. Does this mean air travel is finally returning to normal? The FAA's handy tally of Unruly Passengers suggests midair mischief may be on the wane, and we can all re-stow our duct tape.

Why were we all such freaks on planes over the past two years, anyway? The wellness beat had opinions: shifting mask policy, pandemic fatigue, and, according to Spirit Airlines' former CEO ... violence in movies? Human behavior, like flight itself, is still a total mystery.

But what to do with all the flying asshats we've accrued over these two years? Delta thinks we need a no-fly list for jerks. (Delta also resumed booze service for its upper-crust, "that side of the curtain" passengers a full nine months before the bleating goats in coach, so maybe they've got some class issues to address.) Whatever the case, it could mean the next time you get crocked on Chivas and slap a flight attendant's ass, you may wake up in Gitmo.

While extraordinary rendition for sky-slobs has its charms, at least one guy, a lawyer for people stuck on the real no-fly list, thinks Delta's idea ain't great.

All this, plus Stephen's hatred of charts. Come soar with us; we got extra drink tixxxxx.

JOURNOS is produced by Heather "Eagle Ears" Wilson.

"Airplane, Seat Belt Beep, A.wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org