What Jesus’ Foreskin Foretold About the Skincare Industry

Journos

Among the tiny relics dotting the timeline of Christian history, few items pack a bigger punch than the holy prepuce. For the uninitiated, that’s fancy-talk for Jesus’ foreskin, and the provenance and authenticity of numerous specimens purported to be the one-and-only bit of flesh have been questioned for years.

That’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg in this episode, as Brandon and Stephen pull back the layers of the holy prepuce to reveal that it may have, if nothing else, the ability to knock a few years off the penance of a wayward Italian from time to time.

But, as Stephen points out, those early Christians may not have been too far off in touting a tiny piece of Jesus’ penis as a balm in Gilead. That’s because, in these modern times, foreskins are used in fancy-pants skin care treatments — and so much more. Everyone from burn victims to those who’ve lost their eyelids can benefit from the cellular secrets locked in this prized bit of virgin tissue.

This gets our hosts thinking of all sorts of other weird, elite health hacks, from harvesting the blood of the young to preserving your brain for the metaverse to the literal holy grail: a procedure to slow the process of aging.

It’s a wild one, folks. See ya in there.

JOURNOS is produced by Heather "Eagle Ears" Wilson. Music by Nathan "Nerth" Readey.