Episode 126 Om foreldrerollen

Lars og Pål

“I think genetics are the most important thing parents need to know about parenting.”

Robert Plomin

(i podkasten Principle of Charity)

Forventer vi for mye eller feil ting av foreldre idag? Det har sikkert alltid vært stressende og hardt å være forelder, i mange epoker sikkert hardere enn det er nå, men det er likevel noe med dagens forventninger og normer som føles merkelige og nødvendig stressende. I denne episoden diskuterer vi slike spørsmål, og spør om ikke foreldre kanskje betyr litt mindre enn vi tror vi gjør, og hva godt som kan komme ut av en slik holdningsendring.

Vi drøfter tema som normaliseringen av høye forventninger, foreldrerollen historisk sett, verbalisering og språklæring, å leke sammen med barna, skryt, normer og normalfordeling, adferdsgenetikk og genenes rolle i barns utvikling, evolusjonære perspektiver, aldersblanding, sammenligning, å ta råd med en klype salt, og mye annet.

Diverse relevante sitater:

Fra introduksjonen, sitat fra New York Times, 29.mars 2023:

"research has found, today’s parents feel intense pressure to constantly teach and interact with their children, whereas previous generations spent more time doing adult activities when their children were around. While this increased attention used to be an upper-middle-class goal, more recent research shows that people across class divides believe it’s the best way to parent." https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/29/upshot/parenting-survey-research.html?campaign_id=2&emc=edit_th_20230130&instance_id=84025&nl=todaysheadlines®i_id=48345074&segment_id=123898&user_id=b6798e8c3cdc4fa0fed4f26860d5a19e

Elizabeth Currid-Halkett, The Sum of Small Things

• “why have some mothers (and parents more generally) adopted practices that are difficult, time-consuming, and sometimes even painful instead of using that very same time for leisure? [...] High socioeconomic women spend two to three times more time with preschool children than those of lower socio-economic groups.” (s.96)

Kathryn Paige Harden, The Genetic Lottery

• “Failing to take genetics seriously is a scientific practice that pervasively undermines our stated goal of understanding society so that we can improve it.” (s.186)
• “There is a striking paucity of early language research that even nods at a potential role of genetics in explaining why parents who talk more have children who talk more.” (s.184)

Steven Pinker, The Blank Slate

• “People are appalled by human cloning and its dubious promise that parents can design their children by genetic engineering. But how different is that from the fantasy that parents can design their children by how they bring them up? Realistic parents would be less anxious parents. They could enjoy their time with their children rather than constantly trying to stimulate them, socialize them, and improve their characters. They could read stories to their children for the pleasure of it, not because it’s good for their neurons.” (s.398)

Bøker:

• Debora Belle, The After-School Lives of Children
• Erika Christakis, The Importance of Being Little
• Elizabeth Currid-Halkett, The Sum of Small Things
• Fredrik deBoer, The Cult of Smart
• Michaeleen Doucleff, Hunt, gather, parent
• Barbara Ehrenreich, Fear of Falling
• Ivar Frønes, Den krevende barndommen
• Alison Gopnik, The Carpenter and the Gardener
• Kathryn Paige Harden, The Genetic Lottery
• Christina Hardyment, (1983), Dream Babies: Childcare Advice from John Locke to Gina Ford
• Judith Rich Harris, The Nurture Assumption
• Brenna Hassett, Growing up human
• Joseph Heinrich, The WEIRDest people in the world
• Tom Hodgkinson, The Idle Parent
• Ann Hulbert, Raising America
• Melvin Konner, The Evolution of Childhood
• David Lancy, Raising Children
• Angeline Lillard, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius
• Ole Jacob Madsen, Generasjon Prestasjon
• Bjørnar Mortensen Vik, For barna og samfunnet. Psykologi, barneoppdragelse og sosialpolitikk i Norge, ca. 1900 – 1975. Doktoravhandling UiB
• OECD, Why parenting matters for children in the 21st century
• Iona og Peter Opie, Children’s Games in Street and Playground
• Steven Pinker, The Blank Slate
• Robert Plomin, Blueprint
• Hartmut Rosa, The Uncontrollability of the World
• William Stixrud og Ned Johnson, The Self-Driven Child

Artikler

• David Hugh-Jones og Oana Borcan, No, wait, stop: Parents do make a difference, The Psychologist, 13.juni 2022, https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/no-wait-stop-parents-do-make-difference (litt stråmann ute og går her, men kjekt å få med dette perspektivet)
• Ole Jacob Madsen, Helsestasjonismen, Morgenbladet 29.juli 2016, https://www.morgenbladet.no/ideer/2016/07/29/helsestasjonismen/
• Sanna Sarromaa, Å være forelder behøver ikke å være et slit!, VG 3.mars 2023, https://www.vg.no/nyheter/meninger/i/RGKVEr/aa-vaere-forelder-behoever-ikke-aa-vaere-et-slit

Podkaster

• Intelligence Squared, Parenting Doesn’t Matter (Or Not As Much As You Think), https://www.intelligencesquared.com/events/parenting-doesnt-matter-or-not-as-much-as-you-think/?fbclid=IwAR3XxaW7oUPFrYtpab-B7z5FTbHOpNKXhJOj8JhfH4d4lkdsVnFZmCLOfHE
• Intelligence Squared US, Is parenting overrated? https://www.intelligencesquaredus.org/debate/parenting-overrated/#/
• Very Bad Wizards, Parents just don’t understand, 16.april 2019
• Principle of Charity, Robert Plomin, 30.jan 2023

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Musikken er av Arne Kjelsrud Mathisen, se facebooksiden Nygrenda Vev og Dur for mer info.

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Både Lars og Pål skriver nå på hver sin blogg, med litt varierende regelmessighet. Du finner dem på disse nettsidene:

https://paljabekk.com/

https://larssandaker.blogspot.com/

Alt godt, hilsen Lars og Pål