029: Sex & Marriage: Debunking The African Perspective - W/ Lola Bade-Aluko [PART 1]

Living African

Today, we will have a candid discussion on Sex & Marriage in the African Community. The goal of this uncomfortable but necessary conversation is to debunk the perspective and outlook on sex especially in marriage, which has been created in our African community and has led to the downfall of so many marriages. Our guest for today, Lola Bade-Aluko who is also known as “Lawler”, is a Nigerian Clinical Psychologist and Sexologist currently based in South Africa. Lawler is a wearer of many hats and has taken on a number of great opportunities in her lifetime. She is a Talk Practitioner, a host at various radio talk programs in Nigeria, England, and Swaziland and also runs a Psychological Unit called Shoulders and a reach-out unit called "Real Issues with Lawler" where she volunteers, hosts talk shows and does counseling. She does all this also while working as the Executive Director of a Technology Firm. On a more personal level, she is a proud mother to two young adults and a wifey. Lawler is very passionate about mindset transformation and believes in the use of media as well as various other forms of outreach techniques in Behavioral Modification. Now, let's dive into Episode 29! [00:01 – 03:56] Opening Segment

• I introduce the topic and guest for today’s episode

[03:56 – 19:46] Defining Healthy Sex In Marriage

• Lawler shares the steps to having a healthy sex life in your marriage.

[19:46 – 43:05] Spicing Your Sex Life In Marriage

• We talk more about how to spice your sex life in a marriage
• Why our people are typically conservative and not sexually innovative
• Addressing the idea of taking each other for granted, even sexually
• How to introduce new things into your marital sex life

[43:05 – 57:33] Discussing Some Common Sex Problems

• Lawler shares some deep advice on certain points raised
• Marriage shouldn't be all about sex
• Building a strong emotional connection in marriage
• Lawler addresses the historical aspect of intimacy in marriage through the years - to be continued in Part 2.

Tweetable Quotes:

“What has worked for me is - I look at my marriage as a relationship so I put in the same energy I will put in a relationship into my marriage.” – Lola Bade-Aluko

"I feel like most people are hiding behind Christianity to deny their partners and themselves the chance to explore sexually in their marriages." – Lola Bade-Aluko

"We need to build a strong emotional connection with our partners where we can sit, hold hands and talk, cuddle, be silent, and play with our partners because it shouldn't be always about sex." – Lola Bade-Aluko

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Lawler can be reached through any of the following media:

• Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter: @realissueswithlawler or Lola Bade-Aluko.
• Email: [e-mail]
• Contact Number: [phone]

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