A Look at Masculinity Beyond Shame

On This Walk

What would it mean for you to be without shame? As human beings, as part of nature, we’re naturally drawn to wanting to restore balance and peace within our lives, and there are two ways in which we can do it – the healthy way, or the unhealthy way. In today’s episode, we dig deep into how we can allow ourselves to feel the things we do not want to feel: shame, anger, grief, and so on, and learn to find the deeper message underneath it.

Accompanying me on today’s walk are William Walker and David Bryan, and together we discuss shame from multiple angles and views ranging from shame being a protective shield to shame redefining our masculinity.

In This Episode

• (05:54) – Describing the different types of shame.
• (08:53) – On being riddled and crippled by shame.
• (17:31) – Disempowering patterns, beliefs, and behaviors.
• (22:13) – Giving voice to all parts of you, shameful and proud.
• (32:36) – Beautifully redefining manhood.
• (35:32) – Shame is your protector.
• (51:08) – Identifying the definitions of masculinity within you.
• (51:33) – David recalls a moment of self-accountability and self-acceptance.
• (1:03:00) – William on how men are terrified of knowing who they are.
• (1:03:26) – On being accountable to align your souls.
• (1:11:18) – Creating a compelling vision to justify the pain of change.

Notable Quotes

• “My experience working with a lot of men and also myself is that sometimes men are terrified to know who they are. They're terrified because they built a life in an image around being a certain kind of man, and they're being loved for being a certain kind of man. What if they change what people still love them? Will they still have the status they have? Will their wife still love them? Will their kids still love them? Men are terrified about that because they want to be responsible for their environments and they should be. But there is a part of this I think every man has to face, which is you have to be responsible, but you also have to be true to yourself. If you're not true to yourself, you're going to be miserable. You're going to make people suffer anyway. So you have to do both.” William (1:03:00)

• “My father stood in front of them, and he said these words. Every one of you on this committee I've gotten to know personally and each of you has shared intimate details about things that you would not want to be mentioned in this room. So, if you're judging me today and you want to excommunicate me, pull the trigger. I've never been more proud of my father than in that moment because he knew his humanity. He knew who he was. He knew he had failed.” David (56:04)

Our Guests

William Walker coaches men and leaders on their personal and leadership development. Over the past 20 years he has worked with diverse adult and youth populations including men, executives, entrepreneurs, thought leaders, community leaders, inmates, adolescent boys, at-risk teenagers, and university students. He is the author of Walk of Honor and Stories of Sovereign Man and has written several articles on men’s health, organizational learning and leadership, personal mastery, and masculinity.

David Bryan became a father at 21. Throughout much of his life in both white-collar and blue-collar jobs, he struggled to provide financially, wrestled with a victim mindset, and lived paycheck to paycheck. In 2013, David committed to changing his life and was immersed in the teachings of Tony Robbins, and Eric Thomas, among others. Over the next decade, David went from being homeless to building a multi-million-dollar construction management firm, in the halls of Harvard Business School.

Resources & Links

On This Walk

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• https://www.linkedin.com/in/lukeiorio/
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