From Self Doubt to Success: 5 Ways You Self Silence And How To Overcome It

Your Dream Business

Today’s episode of the podcast is an interview with Fifi Mason, where we are talking all about what self-silencing is and how it can impact you in business

In this episode, Fifi shares some amazing insights into the reasons you might be self-silencing, as well as her top tips to move past self-silencing, so that you can show up for those you want to serve. Fifi Mason is a Personal Brand & Visibility Coach, her mission and purpose is to help individuals with quieter voices show up authentically, amplify their impact and create the change they wish to see in the world.

KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST

1. Reasons you might be self silencing and the impact it has on your business
2. Practical ways to overcome self silencing
3. The mindset shift that takes you from self doubt to serving your audience

If you enjoyed this episode then please feel free to go and share it on your social media or head over to iTunes and give me a review, I would be so very grateful.

LINKS TO RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE

Buy Fifi's mini book 'Stop Self Silencing' Connect with Fifi Mason Connect with Teresa on Instagram, LinkedIn or Facebook

Transcript

Teresa: Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Dream Business Podcast. How are you doing? So we have another interview this week, which I am really looking forward to, for lots of reasons. I very much admire this woman. One of the main reasons is because she's put on one of the best summits I've ever been to as a speaker. And it's almost like. She quietly just gets on with things and they are all amazing, which is awesome. I love it. So this week we have the very lovely Fifi Mason. She is a personal brand and visibility coach and her mission and purpose is to help. I knew I'd get that messed up. I do this all the time, people, you know, I don't like reading. I shouldn't read on the podcast. So I will just go back because whenever I read a bio, I hate it. You know, that someone was talking to me just as like digression the other day about they're getting a new teleprompter. And I was like, could you even imagine if I had to read a teleprompter? I'd be a nightmare. So. I'm going to start again. Fifi Mason is a personal brand and visibility coach. Her mission and purpose is to help individuals with quieter voices show up authentically, amplify their impact and create the change they wish to see in the world. Fifi, welcome to the podcast. Fifi: Thank you so much for having me. And it's interesting that you're struggling with that because I find it much easier to just read. So, which Teresa: completely offers it . Yeah. And I do know that by some people, some people script their entire podcast. Mm-Hmm. I lit. Could you imagine? I literal have to read like a sentence. . I I, it would be an absolute disaster. So for me, I am so much better off the cuff the same. If someone wants something prerecorded, I treat it like it's live. So if I slightly mess up, I start again or not start again. I just keep going. Yeah. 'cause if I try to do it perfectly, I will mess it up massively. So apart from being an amazing summit host, which you are, and Fifi is very kindly giving me some of her time, because as you've heard me maybe mention on the podcast, but only very briefly, I am planning a summit in March, which now gives me even more respect for Fifi because it's a ton of work. But Fifi, just tell us a bit about a bit more about who you are and what you do. Fifi: Yes, of course I can do that. So, as you said, I'm Fifi Mason and I am a personal brand invisibility coach and I work specifically with quiet impact makers and quiet coaches, helping them to Show up in a way that feels more natural, aligned with who they are, their personality, and really just start putting themselves out there in a way that feels comfortable to them, without having to be the loudest in the room, the one that's Shouting the loudest in their kind of marketing message, they can still embrace their quiet nature and, and put themselves out there in that way and find a way that works for them. So that's predominantly who I help and how I do it. So. Teresa: And people would find this hard to understand because I am an extrovert and I don't mind putting myself out there, but even I sometimes get intimidated by some of the people who have the loudest voices and often the people who have the loudest voices tend to be the ones who get the business, which Even I find frustrating, so I can't imagine who someone who wouldn't maybe class themselves as extroverted as I am, how frustrating that must be for them, and also how disheartening and how almost what's the point, like, how do you get over that whole, actually I can still create what I want without having to try and match what they're doing, because it just wouldn't be authentic, would it? Fifi: Yeah, and that's the goal really to, to be authentically you. And I think, I think there is a shift going on where people aren't just going for the loudest person in the room anymore. They are going for those who are genuine, authentic and being themselves. And you can see that in the way that people are connecting and the changes in people's. Decisions in their buying decisions, because they're not just going for those that are out there and, and don't, they don't align with, they're going with the people that they do, that they like, that they get on with, who, who have the same values as them, who are just being authentically themselves. But that is often a struggle for a lot of people as well, just to have that freedom and the. And feel comfortable being themselves in front of people. And that's predominantly why I help my clients with really getting clear on who they are, what they stand for, and how they're going to communicate that in a way that feels authentic and aligned and start moving past some of the struggles that they might have, which. which is around, often around self silencing. Teresa: So what do you mean by the term self silencing? Fifi: So, self silencing at its core is when we, when we hold back our thoughts, our ideas, our opinions, and even sharing our story and our experiences for the fear of Mostly potential consequences or mostly perceived consequences, things that we think are going to happen, but tend not to happen. And so it's the struggle of just, just being yourself and really talking about the things that you think about the thing, the ideas that you have, the, the experiences you've had in your life, you find it really difficult to. To express them, to talk about them out loud in the world on social media. Um, and it can, it can really impact the connection that you make with those clients and, and really impact how they perceive you if you're not being your true self. Um, so this is a quite a, quite a big problem that I find. That a lot of, a lot of people face, but predominantly the quieter, more introverted types struggle with this a lot Teresa: more. What do they think? You know, this must be something that, that comes up a lot and I have some thoughts of my own on this, but like, like you said, people aren't doing it because there's a fear. So what is it that they're fearing? What do they think is going to happen if they use their voice, if they show up authentically, if they give an opinion on something? Fifi: Well, it really starts in in this 5 different reasons that I've identified that make. But that kind of show up will help us to see how it shows up. So, so the five reasons, the core reasons we might be self silencing for each one, they, they have different things, different, different scenarios that, that could potentially be holding you back. So, so I can go through those. That'd be great. Yeah. One by one. So the first one is that you worry that those you care about the most. We'll see you differently and judge you differently and this one specific, this one is specifically because it's specifically your close friends and family because they're, they're the ones that we hold or their opinion. We hold that dear to us, so we going to be more fearful of what they think, what they, what their opinion is all of us, then, then someone that we don't know in the world. And I see this show up a lot with those that are definitely new to business when they're doing something new in their business, and they're, they're worried that maybe. Close friends and family, colleagues or ex colleagues, maybe peers in their industry will judge them for what they're doing, what they're putting out there on. If they're, if they're just suddenly showing up on social media, if they, if they. Saying things that, that people have just never heard them say before, who, who know them. They're going to be surprised and start questioning, well, why are you all of a sudden doing this? This, this is not something you've ever done before. Teresa: And I don't think that ever changes. Like even for me, where the people who bother me the most are the people that know me, like, you know, I'm putting something out soon where. It will be really vulnerable and I'll be really open about, you know, something that's happened with me and I'm not concerned about my community knowing I'm concerned about my ex husband seeing it. I'm concerned about my ex mother in law seeing it. I'm concerned about my family potentially seeing it and not knowing those things about me because for some reason my community feels like a much safer space than going and having those conversations. So I think that is something to to bear in mind that actually that That happens to lots of people in lots of ways and, and even when I have been so open and so, you know, vulnerable and authentic in the past, it still feels uncomfortable. So what would your thought be then if someone is feeling that? What would your thought be or how would you talk to them about getting over that? In the nicest sense of the word. Fifi: It's a good point you made just then that this is, this is often comes up in different stages of business as well. So all, all of the things that I go through today, they, they could happen at any stage. They, they often happen a lot earlier on if you really do have a struggle with, with some of these things. But I see, especially those who once they have established or have a really established. Following, they are more hesitant to start changing things and doing things because they don't want to lose people. Teresa: Yeah. So there's. And you got more to lose at that point. Whereas I think when people get started, they're like terrified of putting something out there and you're like, well, you're lucky if someone will see it. Like it's when you have a following and when you have people that you think, Oh no, people are definitely going to see this, that it gets even more scary. Fifi: It does. So yeah, a lot of these challenges can come up at any stage, but. With this one specifically, what I find helps the most is to, is to just, instead of just all of a sudden going out there and, and expressing these things to the world, it's to, it's to take little steps to be more open and honest in your day to day interactions with family and friends and just talk to them about stuff. So it could just be Even if it's, you've, you've changed your opinion on something in society, in, in the world, and you want to start expressing that, but you, you don't want to just put it out there. So you would just go to, to your partner, maybe the first person you would talk to about it. Express it to them and then maybe it's a family member and then maybe it's a close friend and, and it's just taking those gradual steps so that you are not just all of a sudden out there in the whole world saying these things for the first time. And even so, that can be kind of daunting as well to, to take those steps, so. Teresa: Yeah, I was going to say that because in some ways. Like the people who have been in my world the longest are the people that know me the least because they've not moved with me. Like one thing that I talk about and I've talked about in therapy is the fact that people don't like you moving positions. They like the status quo. Okay. So they like the, the person, the box that you fit in and have fitted in for years. And if you start stepping out that box or especially my. you know, for me, the minute I started stepping out of that box and going, but I'm not like that anymore, or that's not how I want to show up anymore. Actually, I don't want to play that role anymore. Those people closest to me are the ones that are struggling with it the most. And it's almost easier for me to show up fully authentically in my business and publicly. And And for them, for me to think in the background, they might look at this going, you know, whatever. And it's like, actually, you couldn't accept me moving on or you couldn't accept me changing or tweaking or showing up in a different way. And that problems with, you know, like, you know, so it's really fascinating that, you know, it's not just as clear cut as showing yourself to the world. There are different people in different times of your life and different, you know, sort of relationships that you will go, that's tricky or that's hard. What's fascinating about my relationship with my husband is he never watches my stuff, never listens to my stuff, never reads my stuff. So I joke that I've divorced him like three times on my podcast and he wouldn't have a clue because he doesn't pay any attention. So like, you know, he's funny, but also what's funny as well is like, I, I've got family members who aren't on social media at all. And it's like, how do they know what's going on in my world without me actually having to go and tell them? Because they don't see it. Like, and I know that sounds ridiculous, but we are so used to that world that actually, and actually that one to one conversation is so much harder than me just going, Hey world, this thing now, or. I did this like, like, so for instance, my podcast hit number one in the marketing charts in the UK on Apple. And I was obviously so flipping proud, like so, so happy about it. And I posted it on social and I shared it and I sent it in an email and they did all that stuff. And yet some of my closest family don't know, and I don't know how to tell them. I don't know how to go to them and go. Hey, listen, like this thing happened to me because I don't want to look like a big head or I don't want to, like, how do I bring it up in a conversation? Like, so it is really fascinating that actually maybe if the fear is you're concerned about what those people say because you've had a bad experience doesn't mean Actually, the, the people not in your immediate thing might, you might find it way easier to do than your immediate family. So yeah, it's so fascinating, isn't it? Fifi: Yeah, it is. And actually, that is going to lead on to the next one. Awesome. Just want to, yeah, the, the flip side to this is that you might struggle more like talking to your closer friends and family about things because. you've already built your tribe who know you, trust you, all of that. Like, and that's the dream, isn't it? To be able to do that and have those, have that community and have those people. So, so building that and being the authentic self to do that is, is the perfect solution. But if you do struggle with expressing things to closer friends and family, The other thing that you could start doing is, is really just, I find I write about things a lot and get clear on how I want to express it and then you can then approach it. But yes, this ties into the next one, which is you feel responsible for other people's feelings. Teresa: Oh, that's a good one. Fifi: And this, this actually, it does tie into what you were saying there, because I often find that When you're, when you take on the responsibility over the people's feelings, it means that you're less likely to share certain things, like maybe that you've been successful in something, that you've accomplished something, because you don't want to feel like you're bragging, you don't want to show off. You don't want to put them down all of those things. So it's kind of comes from that perspective and this also shows up when we might be being more salesy in, in our content as well. So. Worrying that when we're putting out those offers and, and actually telling people about our services, that they're going to get upset or angry or frustrated or irritated because we're being too much, we're sharing it too much when often it's the complete opposite and we're not doing it half as much as we should be. Teresa: And again, that one was, that's so good. So I think as a rule of life, knowing that you can't be responsible for someone else's feelings, and, and this is where this falls into the whole boundaries thing as well in terms of like, so, You might put up with something. So let's say, you know, I've talked about this before on the podcast where I had a friend that we used to go and see. And every time I went to see that friend, they would start some debate with me and would make it really uncomfortable. And I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want to, you know, cause anything. So I just kept quiet, which I know some of you will find very hard to believe, but I did. And actually what I was doing was I was putting no boundaries in place. I was devaluing me and my feelings. So I was going, it's okay for me to feel like this as I don't want to risk them being feeling in a certain way, which meant they just carried on and I put up with it, which ultimately And then I resented it. And then, you know, now I finally put the stop in and went, No, I'm not dealing with this anymore, but you can't be responsible for someone's feelings. You can put something out how they choose to take it is entirely up to them. And you're not saying that they're wrong for feeling that way. You're just saying it's not your responsibility. So, so yeah, I love that one Fifi. That's a really good one. Fifi: Exactly. And so not a solution, but a way around this is just knowing what you are responsible for. Yeah. And that is the delivery, the word choice that you might. You might actually choose to express yourself and doing your research as well is one of those things that you can do if you've got a strong opinion that you want to share on something, make sure you, you've done your research and you know that your stance is something that you truly believe is true. And so just being clear on what you're responsible for, I mean, You can, yeah,...