252: Sex, shame and addiction with the SAT project team

Better Sex

In this episode, the host talks with Michael Crocker, Sean Peknic, and Ari Lewis from the Sexuality Attachment and Trauma Project (SAT Project) about issues related to shame, sex, and addiction. The discussion begins with introductions, highlighting their roles and the objectives of the SAT Project. The conversation delves into how they prefer the term 'out of control sexual behavior' over 'sex addiction,' focusing on promoting healthy relationships with one's sexuality rather than advocating for sobriety. They explore the impact of shame on individuals' sexual behaviors, the importance of addressing attachment trauma, and the role of curiosity in therapy. The episode also discusses societal impacts on sexual behavior, the influence of technology, and the nuances in gender responses to sexual issues. Finally, they touch on how partnerships often influence individuals seeking help and emphasize a de-shaming, harm-reduction approach that treats people, not problems.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introductions

01:48 Understanding Out of Control Sexual Behavior

13:03 The Role of Shame in Sexual Behavior

20:42 Exploring the Cycle of Shame and Sexual Behavior

25:36 Impact of Background and Upbringing

28:26 Understanding Shame and Neglect in Sexual Behavior

29:23 Empathy and Solutions for Shame-Driven Behaviors

30:27 Exploring Definitions of Shame and Addiction

31:11 Cultural and Religious Influences on Sexuality

33:54 The Role of Technology in Sexual Behavior

40:17 Fantasy vs. Behavior: Navigating Sexual Interests

44:10 Gender Differences in Sexual Behavior

50:13 Attachment Styles and Sexual Behavior

52:21 Couples Therapy and Sexual Behavior

56:40 Conclusion and Contact Information

Want to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.com

Bios:

Michael Crocker, DSW, LCSW, MA

As Founder and Clinical Director of the Sexuality, Attachment, and Trauma Project, Michael is a passionate advocate for shame reduction when treating out-of-control sexual behavior. At The SAT Project, they don’t judge or pathologize the sexual behavior of patients. His extensive research in childhood trauma informs his work with clients, as he has seen firsthand how emotional neglect impacts sexual behavior and relationships in adulthood. Trauma robs us of choice.Michael helps clients discover (or, sometimes, rediscover) their connection to joy, play, and intimacy.

Shaun Peknic, MSW, MA Psychology

Shaun is a therapist and the SAT Project’s Director responsible for client intake, staffing, operations, and educational programs for clinicians. He wears many hats and enjoys them all. For twenty years, Shaun explored the human condition onstage as a theatre director, developing work about queer identity, family trauma, and the subconscious. Now, he supports clients as they tell their own stories offstage. Learning to communicate needs effectively is essential in all partnerships. Shaun brings a deep knowledge of storytelling, communication, and relationship-building into work with individuals, couples, groups, and creative teams.

Ari Lewis, M.A.P.P., M.A., Ed.M., LMHC, is a licensed psychotherapist in NYC; an associate at the Sexuality, Attachment, and Trauma Project; and an adjunct professor of social work at Touro University. He earned a Master of Applied Positive Psychology (M.A.P.P.) studying positive sexuality at the University of Pennsylvania, and he earned two master's degrees in mental health counseling at Columbia University, where he also earned an Advanced Certificate in Sexuality, Women, and Gender focused on consensual non-monogamy. Ari has a chapter on treating compulsive sexual behavior coming out in the Routledge Handbook of Positive Sexuality, and his essay on distinguishing consensual non-monogamy from compulsive sexual behavior will be featured as part of the 2nd edition to Kathy Labriola's book, Love in Abundance. Ari has trained for over three years on working with compulsive sexual behavior under Dr. Michael M. Crocker, DSW, founder of the Sexuality, Attachment, and Trauma Project in New York City.

play assessment https://thesatproject.typeform.com/to/Sd2CbXuC

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass