#11 Dan Danzy – Comedy

Clown, Interrupted with KiKi Maroon

Welcome back! This episode’s guest is Dan Danzy. Dan is a standup based in Dallas, TX. I booked him to perform in my variety show, even though I knew nothing about him. He was recommended by another comic I knew, so I asked him to come do standup at my Burly Q Lounge show. While we were backstage waiting for Dan to go on, Confetti Eddie ( a magician who also lives in Dallas) says “hey Dan, congrats on that article!”

Apparently, The Dallas Observer came out with an article just ONE day before highlighting sober performers in Dallas! First off, I didn’t know Dan was sober when I booked him. Second, thank you universe! That article is like a rolodex of people for me to interview!

Dan and I gush about the Outlaw comics, he teaches me about the different types of alcoholics, talk about the time he thought he killed someone, and then he explains Twitch to me.
I hope you like it!

• Dan Danzy on Twitter
• Dan Danzy on Twitch
• Dallas Observer article- Straight Edge: Performers Explain How They Stay Sober While Working the Nightlife Scene
• American: The Bill Hicks Story
• Robert Downey Jr. talks about addiction on Oprah 2004
• The 5 Types of Alcoholics
• Calculate how much you spend on alcohol
• 1000 True Fans
• KiKi Maroon on Patreon
• KiKi Maroon on Twitter
• KiKi Maroon on Instagram
• Clown, Interrupted on Instagram

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The Clown, Interrupted theme song is graciously provided by The Last Domino. You can listen to or purchase the full song HERE.

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Full Transcript:

KiKi Maroon: Hi! Welcome back! I hope that you’re doing well. I have been super busy working on my circus shows. I’m putting together a proposal to build my biggest production yet. It’s been a little bit crazy, but it’s all really, really exciting! Today’s episode was a fun one. I’ve said in previous shows how Bill Hicks was super important to me; before I did comedy, before I did burlesque, in my early twenties, his “It’s Just a Ride” monologue changed my life. It helped me crawl out of a lifetime of depression. So now that I have a podcast about something that also changed my life – sobriety – he keeps coming up! It’s very weird. And it’s not me who keeps bringing him up! I promise! My guests just all somehow have a connection. This episode’s guest is Dan Danzy. Dan is a comedian based in Dallas, Texas. It’s funny, I actually booked him to perform in my variety show – sight unseen, knew nothing about him – but he was recommended by another comic I know and respect.

I asked Dan to come out and do stand-up at my Burly Q Lounge show. We were backstage and Dan was about to go on when this magician, Confetti Eddie, says, “Oh hey Dan, congrats on the article.” Dan thanked him and went onstage, and then Eddie told me that an article came out in the Dallas Observer the day right before, highlighting sober performers in Dallas. I was like, “What?!” One- I didn’t know Dan was sober. Two- thank you, universe! Haha! This article is like a Rolodex of people for me to interview! I’m from Houston, so while I now produce a monthly show in Dallas, I don’t really know anybody there yet, so the timing of the article was perfect! I was like, “Here’s a list of my new best friends, whether they like it or not!” Haha. So when Dan was done performing – killing it, by the way – I told him about this podcast and we set this talk up. I had never met Dan, but he’s awesome!

We have a bunch of mutual friends and I don’t believe in accidents, so I think that it’s kismet that he starts the whole thing off by talking about how important Bill Hicks was to him. I feel like one of those documentaries that starts off about one thing, but then turns into something else. Did any of y’all watch Tickled? It’s crazy! Feels kind of like that. Anyway, this podcast started as an exploration in sobriety and it’s accidentally become some sort of Bill-Hicks-appreciation-hour-circle-jerk, or something like that. Haha. It’s really weird. Dan and I talk about that, he teaches me about the different types of alcoholics, that one time that he thought he killed somebody, and explains Twitch to me. I hope you like it. Here’s my conversation with Dan Danzy.

[Theme song: “Last Call” provided by The Last Domino]

Dan Danzy: I was looking at who you had on the podcast. You’ve had Andy Huggins. You’ve had Sam Tripoli. I don’t know what I’m doing on-air. Just, thank you for having me.

KiKi Maroon: I love Andy! No, thank you for being here!

Dan Danzy: I worshiped Andy Huggins and the rest of the Texas Outlaw Comics pretty much before I started comedy. I found Bill Hicks and just wanted to know everything about him.

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god, really?!

Dan Danzy: And then the Outlaws, and Andy discovering Bill Hicks, and then Andy doing comedy. And then I run into Andy on one occasion, just like, “That’s like one of my gods right there.”

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god! Okay. So we have something very massive in common.

Dan Danzy: Yeah.

KiKi Maroon: How did you find Bill Hicks?

Dan Danzy: I was 13 years old. My brother is four years older than me – he was really into George Carlin. His girlfriend, who ended up being his first wife, introduced him to Bill Hicks. Then he introduced me to him. Before, I only used to like Paula Poundstone and Dana Gould and Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall. I mean, I didn’t like Jeff Foxworthy.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, yeah. But that’s what you knew about comedy.

Dan Danzy: Yeah, HBO stand-up. The Half Hour (now called Comedy Central Presents). Then I heard Bill Hicks and I was just like, “I like this guy,” He’s negative and he’s cynical, he’s anti my father. My dad is hardcore. We just had an argument on the phone. Haha.

KiKi Maroon: Oh yeah.Haha.Was he super conservative?

Dan Danzy: Oh yeah, he heard that Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick just blamed video games for this whole mess and I was just like, “Oh, no, it’s something else.” But that’s what I loved about Bill Hicks. He was making this funny. And then I really liked how he could set up his jokes. You know, there’s a lot of Woody Allen, there’s a lot of old-school type of comedy in there…

KiKi Maroon: Lot of layers.

Dan Danzy: …mixed with, you know, social commentary. Totally ahead of his time. Haha.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah.So, I stumbled upon his ending speech on Revelations.

Dan Danzy: “It’s just a ride.”

KiKi Maroon: “It’s just a ride.” And it was just that part, so there were no jokes. It was just that. And it blew my fucking mind.

Dan Danzy: Because it’s a great message.

KiKi Maroon: It was so powerful and was exactly what I needed to hear. I was at this point where I was like, “I don’t want to be depressed anymore.” That was exactly the message I needed to hear as I was packing shit up. I watched it over and over and over and I was like, “This guy’s amazing!”

Dan Danzy: Yeah! Then you get into comedy and you hear all these stories.

KiKi Maroon: It was so, so good. And here’s the thing: I didn’t even know he was from Houston!

Dan Danzy: Really?

KiKi Maroon: I was in Houston, figuring all this stuff out about my life and then there was a documentary that came out about him. I saw it on Facebook, maybe I got an invite or something that they were going to do a screening at a theater in Houston and I was like, “Well, that’s random to have a screening about Bill Hicks in Houston!”

Dan Danzy: Is it that, oh gosh, the name escapes me…but it’s the movie where they took the pictures and they made it almost 3D?

KiKi Maroon: Yes!

Dan Danzy: AndAndy is in it.

KiKi Maroon: Andy is in it! So, I went to the movie and that’s when I was like, “Wait a minute. This motherfucker is from Houston?!” Since that time, Andy has become a very important person to me. You know, he helped me when I decided I was going to quit drinking. I met him pre-sobriety. He was somebody who I reached out to and I talked to about a lot of stuff. He’s still very, very important to me. And so, it was bizarre to get that connection to somebody who, in the afterlife, is so important to me, my story, and finding happiness, honestly.

Dan Danzy: Yeah. When I wanted to get sober, I just went back to Bill’s material and back to his stories in American Scream (Bill Hicks biography by Cynthia True) and love letters and routines, his books. I wanted to absorb everything. One of the things he did was he moved, and so I did that.

KiKi Maroon: To get away from everything.

Dan Danzy: My rock bottom was when I moved. And then I had my second DWI before 30 and I was just like, “Oh! Okay.” I didn’t even remember getting drunk. Well, I don’t remember getting drunk, but I remember passing out because it was at a party for the company I was working for. A ramen restaurant that had a pretty nice little setup, good pay and everything. The co-workers were great. I went to the Christmas party at a manager’s house, performed a little stand-up, and had everybody laughing. I remember laying down on the couch and when I woke up, I was in jail. But like, Austin County jail.

KiKi Maroon: Wow.

Dan Danzy: It wasn’t my first DWI though. My first DWI was spent in a detox tank and I had my clothes on. This time, I woke up and I was wearing scrubs.

KiKi Maroon: Like, you were processed.

Dan Danzy: Yeah, and I thought I had killed somebody.

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god!

Dan Danzy: I sat there for four or five hours thinking, “Oh, I killed somebody. This is it. This is it right now.” And I just remember thinking, “If somehow this isn’t what I think it is, I’m really, really going to try this time just to stop.”

KiKi Maroon: “I’m going to think about it this time.” Haha.

Dan Danzy: “I’m going to.” So it’s like six o’clock in the morning and they take us all in front of a judge. I’m handcuffed to a guy, who I’m pretty sure is a pervert. A judge says my name and says, “DWI Two.” And I was like, “Really? That’s it?… okay! Cool. Alright, we’ll do that. Guilty, go ahead. I’ll do the probation.” Haha.

KiKi Maroon: Wow!

Dan Danzy: And probation is actually what helped me get sober. I went into it, not like the first time where it’s like Big Brother’s watching you. I thought, “Well, if they didn’t want me to get better, they would just throw me in jail.” So I might as well just take advantage of whatever they had. I got probation and I moved back up to Dallas – that was the first thing. I could never live in Austin again. There’s too much there.

KiKi Maroon: So much.

Dan Danzy: There’s weed. There’s drugs.

KiKi Maroon: Coke, so much coke.

Dan Danzy: Coke. Oh, there’s so much! So I was like, “I’ll move back up to Dallas. Because I know people in there, I can have a support system in Dallas.” And it took awhile for me to really get off alcohol. I basically moved up here and I asked my probation officer to “send me to your best drug abuse counselor, send me to the best community service, send me to the best class”, everything. And I just usedthat and I just learned from it.

KiKi Maroon: So, backing up…

Dan Danzy: I’m sorry!

KiKi Maroon: No, don’t be sorry!

Dan Danzy: I went into a whole four-year journey there! Haha.

KiKi Maroon: I appreciate it! You’re giving me so much to ask you about! So, the first time that you got your DWI, that was not your response, obviously…

Dan Danzy: No, because there were questionable circumstances with the cop and why he pulled me over.

KiKi Maroon: Were there really?

Dan Danzy: Yeah! So it was in Commerce, Texas, a small college town (60 miles northeast of Dallas). I went to go hang out with friends. They drank a lot. I drank a little bit. I wasn’t gone. I knew I wasn’t gone.

KiKi Maroon: Okay.

Dan Danzy: And the cop pulled me over. He pulled me over for something. I don’t remember, but we proved in court that he was outside of his jurisdiction. And he was interrupting me and making me look bad. And by the time he took me back to the station to give me my breathalyzer, that’s when the alcohol had peaked because there is a peaking point. But the jail was so close to where he basically pulled me over. That that’s what we were trying to prove, that at the time when I refused or whatever, that’s when it was below the legal limit.

KiKi Maroon: That just sounds like some fancy lawyering!

Dan Danzy: Oh yeah,I got a big-city lawyer from Dallas. But, looking back, it was my fault. Because had I not just had a drink to begin with, I would have been fine.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, of course.

Dan Danzy: Yeah, but at the time, you know, I’m 22.

KiKi Maroon: So you could be like, “Fuck that cop.”

Dan Danzy: Yeah, I’m 22 or 23. I’m thinking like, “I don’t have a problem. I’m just being in my twenties.” That was one of the reasons why I never saw the alcoholism, because I was “just doing what every normal 20-something-year-old does”.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, “we’re just living”.

Dan Danzy: Yeah.But that second time, just not having any memory and waking up, I was like, “Okay, this isn’t fun anymore.”

KiKi Maroon: That’s crazy.

Dan Danzy: It was definitely a mind-blowing, revelation type of thing.

KiKi Maroon: Did you blackout often? Were you a blackout drinker or not really? I mean…you thought you murdered someone.

Dan Danzy: Yes, I was. I was.

KiKi Maroon: Okay. I was too. That’s what I’m wondering. I would blackout, but still keep going for hours and hours and hours.

Dan Danzy: Oh, I would too.

KiKi Maroon: I don’t remember anything that most people told me.

Dan Danzy: But I thought it was normal. Because I had people around me that did it as well. You know, if I wasn’t blacked out drunk one night – I’m making up a name right now – “Adam” would be blacked out drunk. So just be just a usual thing.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah. Were you mostly around comedians or industry/restaurant people? What were your friend circles?

Dan Danzy: Industry/restaurant people. I didn’t know it, or I didn’t realize it at the time, but comedians didn’t like hanging out with me because I was wild. I had a mouth on me when I was drunk.

KiKi Maroon: That is so opposite of all the comics I know. They just all get shitfaced together. Like, blackout, blackout.

Dan Danzy: Up here, I’d like to say that me and a couple of others back in the day contributed to the, “let’s not get as messy” mentality. Do you know what I mean? Now, the veteran comics will tell young comics up here like, “Don’t…”

KiKi Maroon: Really? That’s awesome and opposite of my experience!

Dan Danzy: And I’m not shy about telling young comics, “Hey, I’ve been banned from this comedy club twice for drinking terribly, so don’t get started on that foot.”

KiKi Maroon: Look at you!

Dan Danzy: Yeah, yeah. Haha.

KiKi Maroon: That is so opposite because, honestly, that’s part of what started the podcast. In my situation, the people I knew all drank constantly. So I was like, “Are there any other comics that don’t drink? Are there any musicians? Are there any…” I was trying to find artists and people in the public because every single one was shitfaced all the time in my particular circle. Of course, now I see, “Oh that’s because that’s the circle I was choosing to be in.” It’s really interesting to me that Dallas would be like that. That’s cool.

Dan Danzy: Yeah. Well, when I did have blackout drunk drinkers with me, I would tend to get even more drunk than them. I always saw it as a competition for some reason. Like a group of us were just getting hammered and we’d be like, “Okay, well, I’m going to get more hammered than this guy! Show him up,” you know? And then I’d have something to get on to him about the next week at open mic, like, “I can drink you under the table.” So it was just, yeah… Some people got in trouble.

KiKi Maroon: Comics being competitive? No way! Haha.

Dan Danzy: Yeah, now it’s competitive onstage. I did like that about Dallas. We’re supportive but competitive.

KiKi Maroon: That’s so crazy. Okay, so you get your second DWI in Austin. How long were you living in Austin?

Dan Danzy: This was like less than a month.

KiKi Maroon: Shut up!

Dan Danzy: Yeah, less than a month!

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god! Haha.

Dan Danzy: Yeah. Maybe Austin wasn’t the right move. I feel like if I picked a better city…

KiKi Maroon: Haha. I was supposed to move to Austin for six months and I think I made it for two.

Dan Danzy: Yeah.

KiKi Maroon: That was part of that time where I was giving everything away. I “moved” to Austin but then I was like, “I can’t do this.” That was for different reasons. I was still drinking. I just didn’t care for it.

Dan Danzy: Because it’s a party town. Everybody just parties.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, definitely.

Dan Danzy: And when everybody’s partying, it’s hard to find a sober person because if they’re not drinking, they’re doing something else. And if they’re not doing that thing, they’re doing another thing.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah. So did you try to quit before the second DWI? Because it’s pretty extreme to go from blackout to “Give me your best drug counselor.” That’s a lot of clarity that I don’t feel like people usually have.

Dan Danzy: I wanted to… like, okay, a couple of months ago, I heard Robert Downey Jr. say to Oprah in this old interview, “the hardest part about going sober is not staying sober, it’s making the decision.” Like, you don’t realize you’ve decided, until you’re in a good place.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah.

Dan Danzy: So now that I’m in a good place, I can say that I wanted to, but I wasn’t fully committed. I just thought moving was going to do it. I didn’t realize it was me. I didn’t realize that, “this is how your brain operates.” And with the drug abuse counselor, I really wanted to dive into why I was the way I was. I found out what type of alcoholic I was. I’m not the type of alcoholic that drinks every day. I’m the type of alcoholic that wants 15 drinks at all times. I constantly want not one, I want five. Or not five, I want 10.

KiKi Maroon: Wait, I’m just realizing something. You have a very different experience than people I’ve talked to because you immediately got professionalhelp.

Dan Danzy: Really?

KiKi Maroon: Yes. So wait… How many kinds of alcoholics are there? You’re giving me new information right now! Haha.

Dan Danzy: Okay. So there’s the type of alcoholic that drinks every day.

KiKi Maroon: Okay. That’s me.

Dan Danzy: And they’re functioning, you know?

KiKi Maroon: That’s borderline me.

Dan Danzy: Then there’s the binge drinker.

KiKi Maroon: That’s me too. Can you be all of them?

Dan Danzy: Haha! I think you’d be dead if you were all of them! Then there’s the type that once they start, they don’t stop. So like, anytime I started drinking, I could go for like two more days.

KiKi Maroon: Like, consistently?

Dan Danzy: So I would drink consistently, not every day, but be blacked out drunk one day, then be blacked out drunk the next day, take a break, because the hangover had gotten bad. So take a one or two day break, then start doing it again. Repeat the process.

KiKi Maroon: Okay, that’s the one! That’s the one I got. Haha.

Dan Danzy: Yeah. And I should have caught on early, because this is what my mom died of. My mom drank every single day for like 16 years, until her liver gave out.

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god.

Dan Danzy: Cirrhosis. Pretty much exploded. But because I wasn’t drinking every day, I was like, “Oh I’m not my mom,” because I didn’t know there were different types of alcoholics.

KiKi Maroon: Because you would take the time – the hungover day – off?

Dan Danzy: Yeah. Then there’s the type of alcoholic that doesn’t realize they’re an alcoholic, yet they’re getting blacked out drunk, like, twice every week.

KiKi Maroon: I feel like you can be all of these! I feel like you’re still describing me. Haha.

Dan Danzy: You can be all these, but in lighter ways, like the person drinking would think it’s lighter levels.

KiKi Maroon: It’s like being gay. I feel like there’s a spectrum. I feel like I’m on the spectrum, right?

Dan Danzy: Haha. Yeah. Like, “I only kiss, I don’t do the other things! There’s like different degrees… “

KiKi Maroon: Haha. Yeah. Like a “top-up lesbian”. Haha.

Dan Danzy: I only use my fingers. I don’t… Hahaha I have to remember we’re in a public place!

KiKi Maroon: Haha! That’s fine. They can’t hear us. Right? We have earphones on.

Dan Danzy: Haha! Who knows how loud we are being?

So, hey, have you ever calculated how much money you spent?

KiKi Maroon: Oh god, no! but I know it’s a lot, because suddenly I felt rich. So much money!

Dan Danzy: So me and the counselor, we calculated from like 21 to when I stopped at like 28. So we just averaged it. I guessed a tab I can remember was like $65, $70. So we just did that for every weekend.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah. You only did the weekends?

Dan Danzy: Yeah, of course! Friday nights?! Saturday nights?!

KiKi Maroon: But like only weekends?

Dan Danzy: Yeah, just only weekends.

KiKi Maroon: So you were being conservative with your number. I’m sure, because you still…

Dan Danzy: Because I mean, I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t remember dates, you know? So- $90,000. Over $90,000!

KiKi Maroon: Fuck!

Dan Danzy: Yeah. And when someone…

KiKi Maroon: See, it hurts. But then I’m like, “I’m sure. I’m fucking sure!” Fuuuuck! Oh my god.

Dan Danzy: Haha! We’d be so much further in comedy with $90,000. At least I would! I started when I was 18.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah. Shit. I was having a conversation with a girl last week, that I truly feel that with $20,000, I could change the world. Like, that’s where I’m at right now. I am so careful and understand, I know the path I want to take and what I need to do. And, as you know, it all costs money.

Dan Danzy: Yeah. It does.

KiKi Maroon: And I can DIY so much of it where I’m like, “Okay, I cannot afford a videographer, but if I could get this editing equipment,” or whatever. So…God… $90,000? Fuck!

Dan Danzy: Yeah. I always wanted to make sketch videos, right? And I did get like a little Sony Handycam, but I would always think, “When I get this camera…” But I just could never get that camera because I’m always broke. I could never pay my rent. So I would just beg my roommates. And I was just thinking, “It’s just because I’m terrible with money.” But now looking back, it was, “Oh no, you’re just spending it on drinking this whole time.”

KiKi Maroon: Yeah. So… what do you think it is when you’re not drinking and you’re still terrible with money? Did your counselor tell you anything about that? Haha.

Dan Danzy: I think – look- I don’t think overnight you become great with money. It’s kind of like hitting the reset button on your brain when you take alcohol out of the equation. You learn to do things that you should have learned being a responsible adult in your twenties. You’re just learning it very slowly.

KiKi Maroon: Yes.I’m just learning it now.

Dan Danzy: I’m not great with money now, but I’m much better than I was four years ago.

KiKi Maroon: Yes. I definitely agree about the reset button. I am grateful for this growth, but I occasionally feel stupid and upset at myself. For example…I bought a filing cabinet.

Dan Danzy: Yeah. Okay. What’s wrong with that? “I have no files!” Haha.

KiKi Maroon: Previously, my papers, receipts, and everything else were on a mountain on a table that I was terrified to go through, because it was so overwhelming. I just kept putting piles of papers in boxes and hiding them away. And so I just bought a filing cabinet…

Dan Danzy: That seems like a step up.

KiKi Maroon: You would have thought I invented the filing cabinet! I was so fucking proud. People were coming to my house and I was like, “Come look at my filing cabinets! You want a medical bill? I know where that is!” I was, like, showing off that I knew where my paperwork was, because this was such a fucking bananas moment for me! “I know where things are!”

Dan Danzy: Look, not going to lie. Two weeks ago, I had that same experience when the new vacuum cleaner showed up. Haha. Like, I bought this! I immediately put it together and plugged it in.

KiKi Maroon: Haha. “Yeah, look at me vacuum!”

Dan Danzy: My fiancé was texting her feminist friends and sending them pictures like, “You can’t believe this shit.” Haha. And there I am, “Haha!” – just vacuuming the apartment!

KiKi Maroon: “Look at me, playing grown-up!”

Dan Danzy: Oh yeah. I was just like, “Look, it takes out the pet odor. And this part comes off! Look at this. This is amazing!”

KiKi Maroon: Haha. It’s empowering to feel like you’re making decisions that better your life. Haha.

Dan Danzy: Haha. It’s right below the autographed pictures of celebrities. I’m very proud of that vacuum cleaner.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah. I am proud of myself. I am excited about, you know, “Look at this growth.” But I can’t help but to feel guilty about how much… Like the way you calculate the money. “How much time of my life have I wasted?” Like, not being a functioning human.

Dan Danzy: Did you have fun?

KiKi Maroon: I tell my therapist I had fun. And she was like, “Did you really though?” And she convinces me that I didn’t… Haha.

Dan Danzy: I don’t know, because now that it’s all behind you. And you’re having fun now.

KiKi Maroon: I am having fun now.

Dan Danzy: Without that, without what happened to me, without my drinking days, I wouldn’t have anything to learn from. Know what I mean?

KiKi Maroon: I definitely don’t regret anything, because I think that I am – I know that I’m a stronger person. I am proud of my story. That’s why I’m doing the podcast! I want to share my story, I want to help other people. And I know none of that would have happened without that. So I definitely don’t have regrets… but I do have those little pangs of guilt of, “Well, fuck. I’m 35. I should know where papers go.”

Dan Danzy: Haha! Well, I mean, yeah, there’s that probably. Well, I spent over $90,000 and some of those nights were just like the most fun I’ve ever had. You know? Not that I don’t have fun moments now, but those nights were pretty fun. The nights I didn’t go to jail, you know what I mean? There’s a night where my buddies and I snuck into a rich condo’s pool. We hopped over the fence, started swimming. We pissed off some lady. She came outside and started talking shit. We were just laughing at her. Because it’s just like, “You’re 50. What do you care?”

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god. “We’re juston your property is all.”

Dan Danzy: No, I mean, it’s several people’s property.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, okay!

Dan Danzy: Like, you’ve decided you’re going to come outside and tell us? We’re not being too loud. We’re just swimming in your pool! I don’t know.

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god! Haha.

Dan Danzy: You’re just 54 and you got nothing else to do and you’re just mad that you’re 54 and you’re taking it out on us.

KiKi Maroon: Haha. I think she was mad that you were in the pool! Haha.

Dan Danzy: Well, I mean, but we weren’t blasting music or anything, we’re just doing a couple of laps. It was a nice pool, we’re just doing a couple of laps. You know, we weren’t naked or anything.

KiKi Maroon: Haha, okay!

Dan Danzy: Don’t you just hate that about old people? They just lash out because they’re not ready for death. Haha!

KiKi Maroon: Haha! No. We’re different. I like old people.

Dan Danzy: I don’t hate them!

KiKi Maroon: You sound like you do!

Dan Danzy: No, I mean, I see enough of them on Facebook. Maybe that’s why I get angry. But no, they just lash out sometimes because they’re scared. And I understand that. And they hate young people too.

KiKi Maroon: Haha. You are projecting. A lot of them don’t hate young people.

Dan Danzy: I think they do! I think there’s a little bit of resentment

KiKi Maroon: I don’t think so.

Dan Danzy: Because they see how much fun you’re having.

KiKi Maroon: You say that. Meanwhile, when I see 20-year-olds, I’m like, “Oh dear god, thank god I’m not 20 anymore!” I feel like they might have a similar…

Dan Danzy: I feel like our generation hates “Old Town Road” (song by Lil Nas X) because we’re becoming our parents very slowly.

KiKi Maroon: So, I’m not cool. I see people post “Old Town Roa”, but I couldn’t tell you what it is.

Dan Danzy: Like what genre or just what it’s about?

KiKi Maroon: Is it a song? Is it a movie?

Dan Danzy: Oh, a song! Oh, you don’t know?

KiKi Maroon: Okay, it’s a song!

Dan Danzy: What’s his name? (Lil Nas X) I don’t know his name, haha, but it’s with Billy Ray Cyrus. He gets Billy Ray Cyrus on a track, it’s not country. I don’t know. They say it’s country.

KiKi Maroon: Haha. Oh. So if I heard it, I would know it probably? It’s like a song you hear often?

Dan Danzy: If you heard it, you would know it. All the kids know it. I think it’s catchy.

KiKi Maroon: Does it say, “old town road?” Because I want it… to me, it sounds like, [country voice] “old town road.”…

Dan Danzy: Yeah, that’s kind of how the chorus goes.

KiKi Maroon: Haha! So I just wrote a pop song? “Old town road, old town road.”

Dan Danzy: It’s pretty much a pop-country song. And you’ll see people go, “This isn’t country.” But my point is, if the country hadn’t gotten so bad, we wouldn’t have to consider this country.

KiKi Maroon: Do you know what song I hate with a passion?

Dan Danzy: What song do you hate with a passion?

KiKi Maroon: “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.” Have you ever heard that song? I know it’s old, but I’m old. I know.

Dan Danzy: That’s almost 15 years old!

KiKi Maroon: Is it that old?! Fuck!

Dan Danzy: I remember hearing about that song back in like, 2006 or 2007!

KiKi Maroon: Dear god. Okay. Well, let’s pretend it’s current.

Dan Danzy: You’ll be glad to know, it’s no longer on the radio. Just a little update.

KiKi Maroon: Haha! Well, I was going to go on a rant about how clearly formulated it was to be pop-country. But this seems like I’m a little bit late. So nevermind. Haha.

Dan Danzy: Do you remember Cowboy Troy? Do you remember him? “I Play Chicken with the Train.”

KiKi Maroon: No…

Dan Danzy: You don’t remember that?

KiKi Maroon: No. I was probably drunk.

Dan Danzy: I mean, then you probably danced to it. You probably did dance to it.

KiKi Maroon: Haha! Probably on a bar. I probably loved that song.

Dan Danzy: That was another thing about being drunk. You could hate a song, but if you were drunk, you danced to every song you hated. What was it? “Born in the USA”? “Party in the USA.” I hate Miley Cyrus. But I’d be drunk and that song would come on. Then I just knew all the words.

KiKi Maroon: See, you’re fondly remembering that. But to me, I just think about how that’s the same way I feel about people. There were people I hated, but if I was drunk I could tolerate them. And I’d rather see through this bullshit.

Dan Danzy: That’s probably the one thing I miss about drinking is being able to tolerate. Like, I miss that.

KiKi Maroon: You miss that? I feel like I’m a superhero now! I feel like I have superpowers of being able to see, like, “You’re tricking everybody else around you, but I am not foggy and I know you are a piece of shit!””

Dan Danzy: Haha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. “I see you!” Haha!

KiKi Maroon: I really… I almost enjoy now when somebody is drunk and clearly trying to manipulate a situation because I’m like, “You’re so bad at this. You’re drunk and you think you’re being clever or sneaky or you’re trying to like, ‘Well, I heard she said something about you, and I didn’t want to tell you because she’s my friend…’” Shit like that, if they are drunk, it is so transparent. I’m like, “You’re really bad at manipulating me right now, but I like that I know what your intentions are.”

Dan Danzy: Oh well, in that aspect, yeah.

KiKi Maroon: So I feel like I have superpowers!

Dan Danzy: There are just some people I could tolerate them better if I was drunk. You know?

KiKi Maroon: I don’t care for that anymore. I’m good. I’ll hate you and I’ll know. It’s fine.

Dan Danzy: Like when comics are envious of you or when you sense that jealousy, I hate that. I hate that! Because I just want us all to get along and all to get better.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, but that’s other people’s problems.

Dan Danzy: When I was an alcoholic, I didn’t want anybody to like me.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, ‘cause, “Fuck ‘em!”

Dan Danzy: And now that I’ve gotten past that. I’m just kind of distancing myself. When I find out someone doesn’t like my negative personality or my cantankerousness, you know, that I’m just like, “Aww…”

KiKi Maroon: Because now it’s the real you that they don’t like.

Dan Danzy: Yeah, because now it’s the real me! And like I said to somebody last week, “I could just do five shots right now and show them the monster that they’re missing!”

KiKi Maroon: I have totally thought that many, many times!

Dan Danzy: You know what I mean?

KiKi Maroon: Oh absolutely!

Dan Danzy: “You don’t even know what you hate right now!”

KiKi Maroon: Yes! Oh my god, yes. And I’m like, “This is not healthy. Let me back away from the situation.” But ohh yeah, I’ve definitely been in situations where I thought, “If I grabbed a bottle right now, this shit would be so fucking over!”

Dan Danzy: Yeah, I could get- Ooh I was mean! I had a vicious tongue.

KiKi Maroon: Oh yeah.

Dan Danzy: If you made me mad – I was a happy drunk – but if someone said the wrong thing, I could just lash back out with something mean and vicious that would just shut them up and get them to hate me forever.

KiKi Maroon: How terrible for us that we are kind people now. Haha!

Dan Danzy: Yeah… “I miss the old days ,when emotions were raw!” Haha.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, I don’t! Oh my god. One of the things that I – I’m mentioning therapy a lot in this particular episode – one of the things that my therapist told me was- So, I was being sad about how I feel really lonely a lot of the time. Especially because I still go to parties and do shows and all kinds of stuff, so if I’m around a lot of people and I’m the only sober person there, it’s really lonely, you know? I was telling her, “I just feel lonely.”

Dan Danzy: I feel bored. I’m not so much lonely, I’m just bored.

KiKi Maroon: Maybe that’s just the codependent in me. Haha. I don’t know, but I just feel very lonely a lot of the time. And she was like, “Yeah, but were you connecting with people when you were blackout all the time?” And I was like, “Well, I mean… it felt like it… I don’t know.” She’s like, “You weren’t then either, it’s just easy to romanticize because you didn’t feel your feelings then. Now you’re feeling it. It wasn’t any better back then.” And I was like, “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

Dan Danzy: Probably the same thing with me and fun. I drank and that’s what made the whole social experience fun. But now, I’m extremely bored.

KiKi Maroon: So what do you doto fight that boredom?

Dan Danzy: I play video games.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, okay.

Dan Danzy: I just play video games.

KiKi Maroon: You have a Twitch (live streaming platform for gamers)?

Dan Danzy: I do!

KiKi Maroon: What is it?

Dan Danzy: Twitch.tv/rednebulapictures. Me and my fiancé do a show called “Nerd Alert” where we talk about nerd culture every Friday. And then, I just stream video games that I think are going to be fun. And then, I’m talking to people from all over the world.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, that’s cool!

Dan Danzy: That part has helped me find a new place to go instead of my comedy scene. Or like – and I sound terrible – but my friendship circles. Sometimes I don’t want to go out.

KiKi Maroon: No, it’s not terrible.

Dan Danzy: Just to interact with people from all over the world over a specific video game. And what I like about it is, I’ve got a friend who lives in the UK – Cloud, shout-out if you’re listening! – we bonded over this one video game. It’s just somebody from the completely opposite end of the world.

KiKi Maroon: You have a place to visit now!

Dan Danzy: Yeah, exactly! A place to visit, a person to visit, all these things. And it’s like that with everybody. Got a guy over in Missouri named David, his wife’s expecting, I know that about him and he knows stuff about me. He knows that I’m almost sober for four years and he knows my fiancé and he’s in there. It’s just a great place to interact with people.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, you found a different way to connect with people.

Dan Danzy: I found a different way to connect with people. Yeah.

KiKi Maroon: That’s awesome!

Dan Danzy: And then they support my comedy! So if I’m ever in their town or whatever, boom, you know. I don’t need to do one-nighters in a bar for $20. I can just stream on Twitch and then boom.

KiKi Maroon: You go up there though, if you’ve got a show in Missouri or whatever, you’ve got built-in people who will come. That’s awesome!

Dan Danzy: Yeah. One thing I noticed with sobering up was how late you are up at night because your body is so used to being drunk at that time and it’s rewiring itself. So it was like at three o’clock in the morning, I decided to stream Final Fantasy 7, and I just met people. And then it was like, “Oh, I’m going to do this tomorrow night!” You know?

KiKi Maroon: How cool!

Dan Danzy: It just turned into this, “Now I know people from here!” My T-shirt, that I get Tuesday, is designed by a dude I met on Twitch.

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god!

Dan Danzy: And I do a podcast with him on Twitch. He’s a filmmaker, his name is Will, he’s a great guy. But I would never get that type of situation in real life, I feel. Because I’m not really social in real life. And now with the Twitch channel, it went from just streaming on my PlayStation to now I have two monitors, I have a green screen behind me.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, fancy pants!

Dan Danzy: I know! Well, there’s this program now where, theoretically if you had the content, the channels are now a network where like, if I had 24 hours’ worth of just comedy, just sketches or stand-up, I can just broadcast that – not even have to be in front of the camera.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, how cool! Have you heard of a paper called “1,000 True Fans” (by Kevin Kelly)?

Dan Danzy: I’ve heard of it, but I don’t know why.

KiKi Maroon: It’s a thing that gets shared a lot. This guy that wrote about how there are millions of people – you just need a thousand of them. You need a thousand of them that care about what you do. And that it’s such a tiny, tiny, minuscule amount. But if you can get a thousand people to spend $100 on you within a year, a $20 shirt here, a $5 thing there, whatever, you’re bringing in six figures! So that in this new economy that we have now, a very hustle economy – it is so much more accessible to become a six-figure-making artist, just get 1,000 people that give a shit about what you do. And $100 over a whole year is nothing.

Dan Danzy: That’s such a big number though, to make people give a shit! Haha.

KiKi Maroon: How many people are on your Facebook?

Dan Danzy: 1823.

KiKi Maroon: That is a very specific number! You know that?! Haha.

Dan Danzy: I looked at it today. Haha. Because someone deleted me today. You know, it’s been one of those days on Facebook. I’m pretty sure half of my Facebook’s dead. Like, 1800…? I was just like, “Someone’s got to be dead.”

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god.

Dan Danzy: I just haven’t seen it on my timeline.

KiKi Maroon: A thousand is not a lot with the kind of connections that you’re talking about making, the viewership that you can get on that thing. A thousand people, globally, giving a shit about what you dois not a lot. It really isn’t.

Dan Danzy: Yeah. That’s true. There are like 8 billion people in the world.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah! And it’s also like, I mean, you do… how big is Hyena’s (Dallas comedy club)? What’s the capacity?

Dan Danzy: Which club?

KiKi Maroon: Y’all have two here?

Dan Danzy: No, there are three.

KiKi Maroon: Fuck! Really?!

Dan Danzy: Yeah, there’s one in Plano, Fort Worth, and Dallas.

KiKi Maroon: Goddamn it. You know, we have one club in Houston? Sorry, one and a half.

Dan Danzy: When I was around, doing comedy in Beaumont and Houston, 13 years ago, nearly 14 years ago, there was the Laff Stop, the Comedy Showcase, the Improv. I feel like I’m leaving one out. There might have been another one.

KiKi Maroon: Did you do Slade Ham’s club in Beaumont?

Dan Danzy: That’s where I started!

KiKi Maroon: Shut the fuck up!

Dan Danzy: That’s where I started!

KiKi Maroon: Oh my god. That’s so funny!

Dan Danzy: Me and Justin Thompson are the only ones left from that club.

KiKi Maroon: Shut up! Oh my god. I’ve known Slade for years. I actually was on his podcast.

Dan Danzy: The Whiskey Brothers! Sam (Demaris) and Rob (Mungle) and everything.

KiKi Maroon: I was the girl! Haha.

Dan Danzy: Ahh! That’s you?

KiKi Maroon: That’s me!

Dan Danzy: I didn’t even realize this whole time that was you!

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, hi!

Dan Danzy: Hi! Haha.

KiKi Maroon: Haha. Oh my god! See, we keep having these circles, small world. I’ve known Slade for years!

Dan Danzy: He could just pound Guinesses.

KiKi Maroon: Oh yeah.

Dan Danzy: We used to have a joke that he had a black hole in his liver.

KiKi Maroon: Haha more like a black hole in his heart! It’s funny – I was on The Whiskey Brothers podcast post-sobriety. So, it did not make a lot of sense. But I just didn’t take shots with them. I can talk shit sober! I was just the only one who didn’t drink. So it was weird. I knew him through out all that blackout time, but I didn’t join the podcast until after I stopped drinking.

Dan Danzy: Okay so you were sober? Because he’s offered me to come down and do an episode.

KiKi Maroon: Oh you should!

Dan Danzy: I know. But I was just…

KiKi Maroon: You can do it and not drink.

Dan Danzy: Yeah okay. Because I shook my head, “yes,” like, “Oh yeah.” But like in my head, I’m like, “He’s going to make me drink, because it’s funny to him.” Do you know what I mean?

KiKi Maroon: Yeah. No. Okay, moving on…

Dan Danzy: No, let’s keep going! Haha.

KiKi Maroon: Nah, I’m not giving him this podcast too! Haha.

Dan Danzy: Haha! I’m just kidding.

KiKi Maroon: So okay, we’ve got to back up! So you were going to the counselors, you decided to quit, you quit. Did you quit successfully that time or were there a couple of relapses?

Dan Danzy: There was one relapse. It was a show in Houston, ironically.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, goddammit!

Dan Danzy: I don’t know why to this day, why I drank. It was just, well… you never knew; you never knew. I remember getting there and I had a couple of Shiner beers. I don’t even think there was any reason for it, it just happened. And I’m with my now fiancé. We had been together, at this point, for just a couple of months. And…. I had the worst set ever! Repeating jokes and everything. But anyway, I woke up on my couch in Dallas. My fiancé had driven us home after the show.

KiKi Maroon: Oh wow.

Dan Danzy: Because apparently, there was a situation. I don’t remember, but I woke up to a Facebook message from some lady I had offended. I guess I made a joke she didn’t like, and I kept going at her for not liking it, which any comic will do! But when you’re drunk, it comes off mean-spirited. And this lady had just gotten out of a mental institution because she had tried to commit suicide or something, if I’m remembering that correctly. And I just remember going, “God fucking dammit. Of course when I relapse, this is what happens.”

KiKi Maroon: Really shoving that lesson in your face.

Dan Danzy: Then I got the fiancé next to me going, “If you ever get like that again, I’m gone.” And I was just like, “Well, how was the set? How did I do?” Haha. “It was terrible.” And I remember somebody took a picture. After you do a comedy show and there’s a camera person, they send you the photo. And I can just see from the photo that I was absolutely gone. So I count that as my sobriety date. Some people are like, “My sobriety date is March. I relapsed in April, but you know…” It’s also a reason I’m not anonymous. Do you know what I mean? I’m not anonymous about my alcoholism. I think that putting yourself out there and holding yourself accountable and telling everyone, “Hey, I’m an alcoholic.” I think that holds you to a better standard.

KiKi Maroon: Yes,I understandthe idea of the anonymous thing is that if somebody else gets sober because they look up to that somebody, and then that person relapsing then relapsing seems fine. That’s the idea. And so I understand that. But I also think it’s a – I don’t want to say dated – but… we live in such a connected, online…

Dan Danzy: Nothing’s private anymore!

KiKi Maroon: Nothing’s private. And so if you choose to keep only that one thing private, you are not helping so many people who need that example.

Dan Danzy: Yeah.

KiKi Maroon: And then I feel like they think it is something to hide.

Dan Danzy: Yeah. It’s one of the reasons I kind of backed away from the major 12-step program that everyone goes to when they get sober. I backed away from that because I’m being honest in a group about what I do with stand-up comedy and stuff. And the guy running it was just like, “Well, you know, whenever you mention A.A., just say, ‘12-step program.’” I respect them. But now thinking about the conversation, it just made me say, “Screw it.” So they said, “When you mention A.A., say, ‘12-step program,’” like when Lindsay Lohan relapsed. I was just like, “Well, I’m not Lindsay Lohan.” They said, “When Lindsay Lohan relapsed, it came out that she’s in A.A. and it just makes it look like we don’t work for people.”

KiKi Maroon: No, it looks like Lindsay Lohan doesn’t work!

Dan Danzy: But at the same time, it’s just, “Well, yeah, you’re not going to work for everybody.” You know, it’s a very arrogant thing to be like, “we work for everyone.”

KiKi Maroon: I think it’s just one person saying that, like that was one person who told you that, I don’t know.

Dan Danzy: Well, but if you’ve ever read The Big Book (basic text for Alcoholics Anonymous), it’s just kind of as outdated as the Bible. I’m not trying to get religious, but there are some things in the Bible like, “Hey, don’t eat shrimp.” Come on now. Haha.

KiKi Maroon: Haha

Dan Danzy: And in The Big Book, there are just some things, like references to women, in there and it’s like, “This is… ehhh. This is a little…”

KiKi Maroon: Definitely. There was one chapter I skipped after a couple of paragraphs about, the “what to do if your husband’s an alcoholic,”

Dan Danzy: I have a group chat of people and that’s our meeting. I’ve got my friends that are trying to get sober themselves. I have my own little group chat of people I went to high school with, or people that used to do comedy that don’t do it anymore. “Hey, how was everybody’s day-to-day?” Try to keep up-to-date, like every week, every couple of weeks. I find that to be more effective because we’re very supportive of each other.

KiKi Maroon: Because you actually know each other.

Dan Danzy: We actually know each other. If someone’s crying, you don’t know it. Haha. Because a lot of people that I’ve noticed in meetings, they’re holding their emotions in. And sometimes you just go in there and you get bummed out, you know? Have you ever done that?

KiKi Maroon: You know, I’m actually the one who’s bumming people out. Haha.

Dan Danzy: Haha. You’re the bummer?

KiKi Maroon: I’m usually the bummer! No, but… Okay, so I would only go when stuff felt like it was spiraling and I was in a bad place. And I would think, “You know what? I need a meeting.” It wasn’t even that I wanted to drink, just feeling depressed, feeling lonely, or whatever. I needed to connect. I would go and I never really talk, but I would feel better afterwards. And so a friend of mine suggested going regularly, finding a home meeting. That way it’s not a parachute for me anymore, it’s more of a consistent upkeep.

Dan Danzy: Yeah.

KiKi Maroon: And so, I’ve been going, not depressed. And I was like, “Oh! This is fine!” I just associated meetings with various sad, somber feelings. But that’s because I was sad and somber, every time I went there. If I just went as a person, everybody was really nice. And we were having regular conversations and all that. I actually spoke for the first time at one, because I didn’t feel like I was holding in tears. So I’ve been normal there and it’s been very helpful for me. But that’s just personal preference.

Dan Danzy: That helps you. Well I’m just too negative.

KiKi Maroon: But I don’t have a group chat. I don’t have friends that don’t drink. That’s the point of the podcast. I don’t have people to personally connect with, so I need meetings to get that thing. You have that, which is awesome.

Dan Danzy: Well, despite my negativity, yeah.

KiKi Maroon: Haha. You say that a lot. I don’t feel any negativity from you.

Dan Danzy: You don’t know me! Haha. Give it a month. “Wow. He just hates everything.”

KiKi Maroon: “He just sucks so bad.” Hahaha

Dan Danzy: I think that was another reason why I drank, because I wanted to have fun with things and not be so negative, but the negativity drives the material.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, it’s inherent.

Dan Danzy: The negativity is what makes me right, you know? So I have to constantly be making fun of things. Constantly poking holes.

KiKi Maroon: Do you remember the first time you went onstage sober?

Dan Danzy: Yeah. It was fine.

KiKi Maroon: You were fine? Was it weird?

Dan Danzy: Because, at that point, I’d been doing comedy now for close to a decade.

KiKi Maroon: Okay.

Dan Danzy: So nothing I did onstage was the problem; there was never a problem there.

KiKi Maroon: Okay.

Dan Danzy: It was everything offstage. It was management having to deal with this animal. And then the animal can just flip on the switch and he’s fine, he can do circus tricks. But as soon as that animal comes offstage, it’s like, “Okay, we got to make sure he doesn’t pass out before the crowd leaves.” You know?

KiKi Maroon: Wow, okay.

Dan Danzy: “We’ve got to make sure he stays upright. We’ve got to make sure he doesn’t get into an argument with another comic on the show.”

KiKi Maroon: Like, Weekend at Bernie’s with you. Haha.

Dan Danzy: Yeah, yeah. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of thing.

KiKi Maroon: Okay.

Dan Danzy: So when I got up onstage sober, it was like, “Oh, okay. Yeah. I know how to do this. This is just like riding a bike to me.”

KiKi Maroon: Jealous! Jealous.

Dan Danzy: I mean, honestly, and I’m going to bring him up again – it’s from what Slade taught me. It’s from what Caroline Picard (comedian, “The Cajun Queen”) taught me. They taught me at a young age, when I wasn’t drinking, so that was instilled in my brain. But it was never knowing when to stop, not being able to stop, I would have these problems off the stage with other comics or with management, popping off at the mouth with things I shouldn’t say.

KiKi Maroon: Do the clubs that you’re not allowed to go to know that you’re sober now? Have you gotten a second chance?

Dan Danzy: Oh yeah!I went from being banned at Hyena’s to now, I’ll be featuring in September.

KiKi Maroon: Oh, okay! Okay, good! Good.

Dan Danzy: I went from not getting any work at the Improv to being runner-up at the Funniest Comic in Texas, and opening the Improvs now.

KiKi Maroon: Awesome!

Dan Danzy: And I got moved up to feature at the Improv, actually.

KiKi Maroon: Oh wow! Awesome.

Dan Danzy: I’ve always had this ability, but I was holding myself back with my offstage behavior and my offstage drinking. But now, it’s a good feeling to have now. I no longer have to walk with a chip on my shoulder. I’ve been able to prove it.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah.

Dan Danzy: I’ve been able to prove this is what I’m worth. This is what I can do. If you hate anything about me offstage, “Well, at least he’s not drinking.” They know that now. “Yeah, he’s negative. But man, it’s hard for a feature to follow him.” That was when I was emceeing: hard for a feature to follow me, “he brings the funny.”

KiKi Maroon: That’s awesome!

Dan Danzy: So now it’s like, “Okay, I’m featuring. Now, can I make it to where a headliner can’t follow me?” I’m never comfortable at where I am on the show. I never am. I want to make it to where no one can follow me.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah.

Dan Danzy: So like right now, I’m a feature. Cool! I want to move to the headliner immediately. Because I’m bored. Haha!

KiKi Maroon: Haha, I was going to say, that sounds like what led to these problems. The wanting of more, more, more, more, more. But that’s fine, you just found the positive side of it.

Dan Danzy: You just focus it on different things. Because I really, truly believe that alcoholism is just a form of addiction; that we aren’t “alcoholics”, we’re just addicts.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah.Oh yeah, absolutely. Yes.

Dan Danzy: It’s just that we are not gutsy enough to try crack cocaine. I’m too scared! The only reason I did cocaine was because I could drink more. I could hold more. You know, I never got the whole rush from it. Like, you know, cleaning your apartment all of a sudden.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah.

Dan Danzy: It was just, I was able to drink more without vomiting. And then, weed was fun for a little bit. But now I can’t even smoke it anymore because I get really paranoid and anxious.

KiKi Maroon: That’s how I am.

Dan Danzy: Yeah

KiKi Maroon: I quit smoking way before I quit drinking. I was a super, super pothead. And then it was like, “I’m just anxious and paranoid and I hate this feeling.” And I tried so many times, “Maybe I’ll try this strain or that strain.”

Dan Danzy: Yes!

KiKi Maroon: Because I still wanted it, but it just didn’t work.

Dan Danzy: These young comics don’t understand what I’m going through when I tell them that! They’re like, “No, you need an indica. You need this Sparkly Baby Kush.”

KiKi Maroon: No, something happens to your brain – some people’s brains – and it just doesn’t do it anymore. It’s not fun at all.

Dan Danzy: It was helping me with depression.

KiKi Maroon: Really?

Dan Danzy: Now I’m finding, it’s just easier to go through depression. It really is just easier to go through it.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah, just be sad for a while.

Dan Danzy: Eh, just be sad. I find when I’m done with the depression, I’m writing better material when it’s all over because I’ve sat there. I’ve thought about just things to make myself laugh.

KiKi Maroon: Yeah.

Dan Danzy: Even when I’m depressed, I’m not laughing at it, but I’m like, “Oh, that’s funny.”

KiKi Maroon: “This is going to be good.”

Dan Danzy: “Yeah, that’ll work. This is going to be good.”

KiKi Maroon: I’m super grateful to be in that place where, even if I have just the worst fucking shit going on, I’m like, “This is going to be really good to talk about.”

Dan Danzy: Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

KiKi Maroon: So, I have a final question that I ask on every podcast :

If you could snap your fingers and people around the world instantly believed two things, what would they be and why? The only caveat is that one has to be good for humanity. The other has to be completely selfish and self-serving.

Dan Danzy: Okay. So the first thing that would be good for humanity is that everybody knows and everybody understands that we are not alone in the universe. The second thing that is completely self-serving… self-serving, wow. If more people recognized that My Chemical Romance was the greatest band ever!

KiKi Maroon: How is this self-serving?

Dan Danzy: Because they’re my favorite band.

KiKi Maroon: But that’s great for them!

Dan Danzy: I like to feel like I’m part of the band sometimes, KiKi. That’s how much I love them.

KiKi Maroon: Haha. That’s fine. I’m not going to judge you!

Dan Danzy: Well then, that people should buy my shirt!

KiKi Maroon: There you go! Thank you, Dan, for being a part of this. I really appreciate it. You were great!

Dan Danzy: Thank you, KiKi, for having me.

[Theme song: “Last Call” provided by The Last Domino]

KiKi Maroon: That was Dan Danzy! He has a Twitch channel where he streams all kinds of fun video games and comedy stuff at twitch.tv/rednebulapictures. I’ll put a link in the show notes. He also has a bunch of super cool “Nerd Alert” merch there. So please, check it out!

Dan saying that he’s never comfortable, always wanting more because he’s bored, is something that I really related to. I started this episode telling you about the circus show. I want it to be bigger, bigger, bigger! That’s all I ever want! I don’t try to hide that, since I quit drinking, I’ve become a major workaholic. For a long time, I was okay with that – more than okay, I was proud of it. Like, “If I’m going to have this dysfunction, I might as well use it to be awesome!” Except now… I don’t think that’s true. Much like drinking, being a workaholic began as something I thought I was managing, but then turned into something that’s really controlling me. I love my work. I really, really do, but I feel guilty when I’m not working – really guilty. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been in front of the computer for 10 hours, the second I walk away, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. And that’s not okay. It’s the same sickness that led to years of the depression and blackouts. It’s just taken another form. It’s a shape-shifting motherfucker! I don’t have an answer. I’m just being honest about where I’m at right now. And it’s not just work. It’s like different things, like the filing cabinet that we talked about. I’m seeing all these other places where my life is affected by this. Things that seemed unrelated to my addictions, but are all very related. They are, at the end of the day, signs of an unhealthy mind.

It’s okay. I know I’ll figure it out, but until then, let’s keep in touch! You can always find me on Twitter @KiKiMaroon or on Instagram. The stuff for this podcast is @ClownPod. Or if you want to see my live shows, comedy, all that stuff, that’s on Instagram @KiKiMaroon. And of course, you can join me on Patreon! Patreon is a super cool place where you can show your support for the show, sending anywhere between $1 a month or $1,000 a month! Haha. No one’s done that one – yet! It’s just a cool way to help keep the show running. And there’s more info on that in the show notes. And whether you want to call it a donation or a tip, it’s greatly appreciated! And as always, I want to thank The Last Domino for use of his song “Last Call.” He’s actually celebrating his 10-year music-versary this month, so go send congratulations to him! And thank you so much! I hope you guys have a great week.

[Theme song: “Last Call” provided by The Last Domino]