Episode 140: Do What I Tell You So That I Can Feel Better

Sean Healy: Tools

How to self-regulate instead of trying to control others

Depending on the type of family system we grew up in, one of the things we learned was that telling others what to do was the way to feel less anxious. When you behave and think as I want you to then I can feel ok.

This episode looks at the belief that we can control the way others think, feel and behave. Sometimes it works but rudely people then start thinking for themselves again! I want the people around me to be confident and free-thinking as long as your expressions of confidence are sanctioned by me and meet with my approval.

The closer I am to you the more likely your behaviour will become anxiety-producing to me from time to time.

So we can try our luck and turn ourselves inside out shaping others or we can begin by first assessing our reactiveness.

It is my job to regulate me. Once I have assessed and gained insight into what my reaction is evoking in me, I can proceed with greater calmness and clarity. I imagine that this would maximise my chances of success in promoting the most healthy and genuine relational experiences, going forward.