UNCOMFORTABLE - Understanding and Managing the Discomfort of Conflict

Secrets of a Conflict Coach

I wanna lay a foundation for you guys. Because there are a few concepts and mindset shifts that I want to introduce you to today that will hopefully give you a baseline understanding of how to make conflict a little less scary. So the goal for today’s episode isn’t to resolve your conflict— it’s to help you approach it in a way that facilitates resolution, not destruction.

Segmenting Exercise:

1st: “What happened?”

How would a stranger describe the conflict?

IS NOT: opinion, fault, assumptions of intent

2nd: “How does that make you feel?”

Important: be able to define your emotions. What exactly is it that you’re feeling?

IS NOT: how being in conflict is making you feel

3rd: “Why did this happen?”

What needs to change so the conflict doesn’t exist anymore? Why did it trigger our emotions?

IS NOT: instructions for the other person, blaming

If you had some trouble mentally segmenting your conflict into what happened, how it made you feel, and why, you’re actually in the majority. Try doing it with a conflict you have witnessed between other people, or maybe think back on one that’s been resolved for a while. Sometimes it’s much easier to start there.

Conflict Styles:

Avoiding

Accommodating

Dominating

Compromising

Collaborating

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