Episode 323 Lauren's 2VBAC + Special J Scar

The VBAC Link

Lauren has had three very different births. She had a peaceful C-section due to breech presentation with a difficult recovery, a wild, unmedicated VBAC, and a calm, medicated 2VBAC. Due to her baby’s large size, she had to have an extra incision made during her Cesarean leaving her with a special J scar.

Though her provider was hesitant to support a TOLAC with a special scar, Lauren advocated for herself by creating a special relationship with her OB and they were able to move forward together to help Lauren achieve both of her VBACs.

Lauren talks about the importance of having an open mind toward interventions as she was firmly against many of the things that ended up making her second VBAC the most redemptive and healing experience of all.

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details

Meagan: Hey, hey everybody. Guess what? We have our friend Lauren and her 11-day-old baby. Is that right?

Lauren: Yeah.

Meagan: 11 days old. You guys, I actually didn’t even know that this baby existed until we popped up on the Zoom and she was holding this precious little newborn. She was like, “Surprise! I had another VBAC.” So we will be sharing, well she will be sharing her two VBACs so 2VBAC and something kind of unique about Lauren is that she has a special scar, a special J scar, correct?

Lauren: Yep.

Meagan: Yeah, so that happened in her first C-section. If you are listening and you have a special scar or have been told that you have a special scar, this is definitely an episode that you are going to want to put on repeat and save because I know that there are so many people out there who are told that they have a special scar and that they should never or can never VBAC again. I know we’re not even getting into the story quite yet, Lauren, but did you have any flack with that? Did anyone talk about your special scar at all?

Lauren: Yes. Advocating for the VBAC is probably the overarching theme of my VBAC because I really had to go to bat for myself for that without switching providers.

Meagan: Yeah. We know that’s so common. We see it a lot in our community just in general trying to get a VBAC let alone a VBAC with a special scar.

We are going to get into her story but I have a review and I didn’t even know that this was a review. It was left in a Baby Bump Canada group on Reddit actually so that was kind of fun to find. It’s really nice. It says, “Seriously, I’m addicted. I find them so healing. I had an unplanned and very much unwanted C-section and I have been unknowingly carrying around all of these emotions and trauma about it since. I thought I was empowered going into my first birth, but I wasn’t strong enough to stop the medical staff with all of their interventions. Don’t get me wrong, I believe interventions are necessary in some instances. But looking back now, I realize those interventions were put in place to make things easier involved in delivering my baby. Anyway, I won’t get into all of that here, maybe in a separate post. The point of my post is checking out The VBAC Link podcast. I listen to them all day now while caring for my babe. They also have a course you can take focusing on preparing for VBACs. Even if you just like birth stories, they have CBAC stories I believe as well. On the podcast, a guest also pointed out that what do you want for a VBAC birth– peace, redemption, etc.? She talked about how you can still feel those things if you need a Cesarean.”

I love that point of view right there that you can still have peace and redemption even if you have a scheduled C-section or if your VBAC ends in a Cesarean.

It says, “Another mom pointed out when she was feeling hesitant about saying okay to a C-section, her midwife said, ‘You have permission to get a C-section,’ not in a way that a midwife was giving her permission, but telling this mom, ‘C-section is okay and you shouldn’t feel like having one is wrong.’ My baby is 8.5 months and we aren’t going to try for a baby until they’re about 18-24 months mostly to increase my chances of VBAC, but I really love these podcasts.”

Then she says, “Okay, I’ll stop raving now.”

I love that. Her title is, “If you’re considering a VBAC, I highly recommend The VBAC Link.”

Thank you so much to– I don’t actually know what your name is. Catasuperawesome on this Baby Bump Canada group. Just thank you so much for your review. As always, these reviews brighten our day here at The VBAC Link but most importantly, they help other Women of Strength find these stories like what we are going to be sharing today with Lauren’s story. They help people feel empowered and educated and motivated and even first-time moms. They are really truly helping people learn how to avoid unnecessary Cesareans. I truly believe that from the bottom of my heart.

Meagan: Okay, Lauren. As you are rocking your sweet, precious babe, I would love to turn the time over to you to share your stories.

Lauren: Awesome, thank you. It’s so nice to be here finally. I’m so excited because this podcast truly is the reason why I had my VBAC.

I am kind of weirdly unique in that I didn’t really feel like I had any mothering instincts. My husband and I had been married for 6.5 years before we decided to get pregnant because I always swore off children. I said, “It’s not for me. I’m never going to have children. I want to travel and I want to do all of these things and children are for other people. I can’t imagine myself as a mom.”

My husband said, “Well, let’s wait until we are 30,” because we got married really young. He was like, “Let’s just wait until we are 30 and we will revisit the discussion.” I always find it kind of nice when I hear stories of women who feel similarly to the way I did because it’s so relatable and I feel like we are very few and far between. That’s another reason I wanted to share my story because I know there are other women out there like me.

So anyway, it just so happened that at this time, my sister was pregnant. My brother was pregnant. My husband’s brother was pregnant. We were like, “You know, we’re almost 30. We’ve waited a long time. If we’re going to have kids, we might as well have a kid when he or she is going to have all of these cousins.”

My husband was like, “Let’s start trying.” I’m like, “Great. I’m going to give it two months and if we don’t get pregnant, we’re not going forward with this. I’m going to say I tried and I can tell everyone I tried and that it didn’t work.”

Well, God has a sense of humor because two weeks later, I had a positive pregnancy test.

Meagan: Two weeks later?

Lauren: Yes.

Meagan: So you were already pregnant when you had this conversation.

Lauren: I was already taking birth control. I was multiple days into the pack. I just threw it in the trash and was like, “Let’s just see what happens.” I guess when you do that, you can get pregnant. I don’t know. I didn’t really have a cycle. I got pregnant.

I was so naive about how it all worked. I’m like, “Okay. The test is positive. I’m pregnant. It is what it is. I’m very much pregnant.” I had not doubt. I had no worry about miscarriage, nothing because I had a positive pregnancy test. That’s sort of how I went through my pregnancy, kind of disconnected, very naive, and a little bit in denial that I was actually pregnant all the way up until the end.

I read one book and it was called The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy and it’s this really sarcastic, funny book. She’s very flippant about pregnancy and very straightforward with my sense of humor. I liked it because I felt the same way. I wasn’t mushy or emotional. I had no connection to the pregnancy. I am pregnant. That’s a fact.

Anyway, at 26 weeks, my doctor was like, “You know, I think he’s breech.” I was like, “Okay.” I knew what breech was, but I’m like, “Okay, what does that mean?” She was like, “Well, I would start doing some Spinning Babies exercises. Let’s just keep an eye on it. I was going to a chiropractor this whole time. This is important for people to know. I was going to a chiropractor before I even got pregnant regularly.

This chiropractor was seeing me. I told her that the baby was breech. “Can you help me flip him? Can we do some bodywork?” I continued to see her. I don’t know if it was once or twice a week but it was often.

36 weeks rolls around and I see the midwife in the practice. She is not finding the heartbeat where it should be. She finds it up higher and she goes, “Lauren, I think your baby is still breech.” I thought there was no way. I had been seeing a chiropractor. I had been doing body work and stuff. She was like, “Well, why don’t you go see the chiropractor that our practice recommends?” I’m like, “Okay.” I call this chiropractor on the phone. I leave her a message and I’m like, “I’ve been seeing another chiropractor, but my baby is breech.”

She immediately called me right back and she was like, “What has the chiropractor been doing?” I’m like, “It feels like a normal adjustment like nothing different from before I was pregnant.” She was like, “So you’ve been on your side and she’s been twisting your back and your pelvis away from each other?” You know how they do those kinds of adjustments? I said, “Yes.”

She was like, “Oh my gosh.” She’s like, “How soon can you come see me?” I started seeing her. My OB actually also recommended moxibustion. She got me set up with an acupuncturist in the area which I thought was really cool that she was like, “Some people say they swear by this. You need to do more Spinning Babies. I want you to go to acupuncture.” I saw this chiropractor and she was like, “What that chiropractor is doing to you is not pregnancy-safe. She’s not Webster-certified and you needed to be seeing a Webster-certified chiropractor.” That’s one of my regrets because I feel like had I known, obviously, I can’t say I blame her 100%. I was also working out a ton because I’m like, “I don’t want this pregnancy to change my body. I’m going to be skinny.”

That’s all I cared about so I’m sure I was holding my abdominal muscles way too tight too. I’m sure I contributed to it as well, but just knowing that probably was a major contributor to what ended up happening to this day irritates me.

But anyway, he never flipped. He was solidly in my ribcage. He never moved. I would push on his head and he would not even budge an inch. My doctor was like, “You know, I would normally recommend an ECV, but he seems very wedged in your rib cage. He’s stargazing,” which means his head is tilted up. His chin is pointed up. She said, “You are on the low end of normal for amniotic fluid.” She was like, “You have these three strikes against you basically. We can try it if you want to try it, but I’m going to say it’s probably not going to work.”

I had to wrestle with that. I ended up calling my husband’s aunt who is a labor and delivery nurse for 30 years. I asked her for her opinion. I’m like, “Have you ever been in on an ECV? Tell me about it.” Naively, I went with her advice. She said, “If your doctor is not confident, then that means it’s not going to work.” She’s like, “I’ve seen so many births and I believe that every baby should be delivered via C-section because birth is dangerous and it's scary.”

I’m like, “Okay, okay. I’m just going to move forward with the C-section. I’m so glad I talked to you.”

Meagan: Whoa.

Lauren: We scheduled the C-section and you know what? It really wasn’t that big of a deal. My friend’s husband was actually my anesthesiologist. My doctor was there. It was very happy. It was very pleasant. I had gone out to dinner with my friends the night before. If you could plan the perfect C-section, it was the perfect C-section. I just talked to my friend’s husband the whole time.

Again, not connected to this pregnancy at all. It was very much like, “Okay, a baby is going to come out. What is this going to be like?” I remember the doctor held him up over the curtain. I made eye contact with him and I was like, “Oh my gosh. I’m a mom.” The nurse was like, “Do you want to do skin-to-skin?” I was like, “What’s that? Sure.” “Do you want to breastfeed?” “I think so. Sure.” Very naive.

What ended up happening was that the recovery was just really tough. The surgery was great, but I did not expect the recovery to be so tough. I feel like the way people speak of C-sections is so casual. “Oh, just have a C-section. I had C-sections for all my babies. It’s no big deal. It’s a cakewalk.” That’s the mindset I went into it with. Same with my husband because I reassured him, “It’s no big deal. We’re just going with the flow.” No. It’s awful. It’s major surgery.

I’m allergic to– I think a lot of people are– the duramorph that they put in the spinal so I had the most severe, horrible itching for 24 hours to the point that they basically overdosed me on Benadryl because I could not cope and my vitals were crashing. I was barely having any respiration. They had to shake me awake and put cold washcloths on my head. They were like, “Hello,” because I was having such a hard time with the itching.

Not only that, but the pain. It’s painful. In my surgery, backing up a little bit, the doctor said, “Wow. He’s really wedged in there and he’s a lot bigger than I expected. I thought he was going to be maybe 7.5-7.25 pounds.” She goes, “He tore your incision coming out because he was so big.” She was like, “You have a J incision now so your incision goes horizontal and then vertically up.” She said, “Unfortunately, that means you’ll never be able to have a VBAC. You’re just going to be a C-section mama.” I was just lying there like, “Whatever. You’re asking me what skin-to-skin is and breastfeeding and no vaginal births.”

It was just a lot of information to process and take in and make decisions about. He ended up being 9 pounds. He was a good-sized baby.

Anyway, that was my c-section experience. I know I’m probably one of the lucky few who could say that their C-section was so peaceful, really no trauma from it. I just thought, “I’m fine with that.” I watched my sister have a failed TOLAC and it looked kind of traumatizing and she was still traumatized from it just a couple months before my C-section so I’m like, “It’s fine. I’ll just be a C-section mom, but that recovery was terrible so I’ll have one more baby and that’s it.” I’m not going to have any more kids. I don’t want to experience that again.

That was May 2019. Fast forward to COVID times. We were thinking about getting pregnant before my son turned one but COVID hit so we were like, “Let’s just give it a couple of months and see what shakes up with this pandemic.” The world stopped. I’m in real estate so for a while, we weren’t allowed to show any property or do anything so I just was sitting at home doing nothing. I remember one night, I was just sitting there doing a puzzle bored as heck and I’m like, “I’m going to go listen to a podcast while I do this.”

My phone suggested The Birth Hour. I hope I’m allowed to say that.

Meagan: I love The Birth Hour, yes.

Lauren: I was scrolling through the episodes and there was one on VBAC. I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to listen to this.” The interviewee mentioned The VBAC Link so I was like, Okay, I should check that podcast out. I was like, Why am I even listening to this? This is so not my wheelhouse, childbirth. I still didn’t care about it, but listening to these podcasts opened up a whole new world for me. I’m so glad I found it all before I got pregnant.

I started listening to all of those podcasts then I think I found through your podcast. I don’t think it was The Birth Hour. Someone mentioned Dr. Stu so I started listening to his podcast and man, that guy set fire. He had so much great information. I listened to every podcast pretty much that he had done, especially the ones on VBAC because he talks about VBAC a lot and just how it really shouldn’t be a big deal or shouldn’t make you high risk and all of that.

At the time, he was still graciously reviewing people’s op-reports for them and now he doesn’t do that. I think you have to pay for it, but I emailed him. I reached out to him and I emailed him my op report and I just said, “If you could look at this, my provider told me I wasn’t a VBAC candidate but I want your opinion.” He got right back to me and he was like, “There’s no reason you can’t have a VBAC. This scar is really not that big of a deal. Yes, it’s a special scar, but it shouldn’t take away from your opportunity to TOLAC.”

I ended up getting pregnant in the fall of 2020 and I went to my first appointment and my OB was like, “What do you want to do for your birth this time?” I’m like, “Did she forget what she told me? She must have forgotten.” I was like, “I want a VBAC.” She was like, “Okay, I’ll give you my VBAC consent form and we can talk about it as your pregnancy progresses.” I’m like, “Okay, cool.” I saw her again at 12 weeks and she was like, “I’m having some hesitations because you had such a big baby and your scar is not normal. I think we need to talk about this a little bit more but let’s not worry abou tit now. We can put it off and worry about it later.” I was like, “Okay.”

I was so bummed because I love my OB. Funny story, I met my OB when I was worked for a home design company called Pottery Barn and I met her one day just helping her buy pillows. I’m like, “What do you do for work?” She was like, “I’m an OB.” I’m like, “Cool. I need an OB.” I had just moved to the area so I just started seeing her. I think I was one of her first patients so she knew me. It wasn’t like she was a friend and a provider I only saw once a year, but we always picked up where we left off. We had a good relationship.

I really did not want to change providers. I don’t want this to sound like I was being manipulative, but I was like, I’m just going to really lean into this good relationship we have and just try to win her over. As the pregnancy progressed, at the next appointment I think I saw a midwife. I talked to the midwife about the VBAC and my OB’s opinion and she was like, “I’ve seen a lot of women VBAC with a J scar at my old practice. I don’t think it’s a big deal, but I’ll talk to the doctor for you and hopefully, we can figure this out.” I was like, “Okay.”

Then I want to say I went to my 20-week appointment and they told me, “Okay, your baby is gigantic.” They said, “He is going to be between 9 and 10 pounds,” because he was measuring two weeks ahead. They said, “But the other concern we have is that you have marginal cord insertion and that could make for a small baby.” I’m like, “Okay, so is he big, or is he small?” Clearly that marginal cord insertion is helping him not being 12 pounds? What are you trying to tell me?

They’re like, “Either way, we suggest that you come back at 32 weeks. We have concerns about his size. He might be a tiny peanut. He might be enormous.” I’m like, “I think I’m good. Thanks, but no thanks.” Thanks to you guys, you push advocation so much that I’m like, “This doesn’t add up. You can’t tell me that he’s too big and too small. I’m just going to go with fundal height and palpation if my doctor has a concern, we’ll come back.”

I never scheduled that growth scan. I was very protective of this pregnancy. I didn’t want any outside opinions. I was so afraid that if I went and had this growth scan, I would be pushed to do a C-section. I wanted an unmedicated birth. I was terrified of the hospital. I was listening to so many podcasts all day every day. It was like an obsession so then I told Meagan before we were recording is that I felt like I was almost idolizing the VBAC. It was all I could think about. It was all I could talk about and it became this unhealthy obsession.

Right around 25-26 weeks, I decided to hire a doula and move forward with the VBAC. It didn’t matter to me what the doctor said. Right around that time, I was having some hesitations. Just getting that pushback from my doctor and knowing he was big, I started to let the fear creep in. I told my husband, “You know what? Maybe we should just do a C-section. I think I’m overanalyzing this so much. I’m just going to push aside this research I have done because clearly I’m obsessed and it’s consuming me.”

Meagan: Yeah, which is easy to do. Just to let you know, it really is easy to let it consume you.

Lauren: It totally is. I think that we have to take a step back sometimes, come back to reality, and if you let the information override your instincts which I think is really easy to do, I think you can get too wound up or too set on something that might not be meant for you.

Speaking of instincts, that night, I still remember. I had told my husband, “I’m just going to have a C-section.” I went to bed and I had a dream. I was in the hospital in the dream and I was holding my baby and my dad walked in. I have a really great relationship with my parents but especially my dad. I love my dad. He comes in the room and he’s like, “How did it go?” He was meeting the baby for the first time and I burst into tears in the dream. I said, “Dad, I didn’t even give myself the opportunity to VBAC. I just went in for a C-section. I just have so much regret about it and what could have happened if I had tried to have a VBAC.”

Meagan: That just gave me the chills.

Lauren: Yes. It was so weird. I have never really had a dream like that before. I woke up and I was like, “There’s my answer. I have to move forward with this.” Having that dream gave me this peace that there is the instinct I need to follow. Yes, I have all of this information that is consuming me, but it was like, Keep going.

I hired a doula which I found through The VBAC Link Facebook page. I put it out there, “Does anyone know a doula in my area?” Julie commented and it happened to be her really good friend who had just moved back to my area. I called her and it turned out that we had mutual friends. We connected really fast. I think, like I said, it was about 26 weeks.

I go to my OB again and we had more of a pow-wow like a back-and-forth on the VBAC option. She was like, “I’m just worried about it. A C-section is not that big of a deal. We could just tie your tubes and then you won’t have pelvic floor issues.” False.

I said, “I got a second opinion from another doctor.” I didn’t say it was Dr. Stu. I didn’t say it was some guy with a podcast in LA. I said, “I got a second opinion and I feel like I just want the opportunity.” We didn’t really land on anything solid, but she got up to leave the room and she got to the door and she turns around. She came back over to me and she gave me this big hug. She said, “I don’t want to disappoint you. I want you to be happy, but let’s keep talking about this.” I was like, “Okay.” That gave me a little bit of reassurance that I was leaning into that relationship I had built with her over the years because it had been 6 or 7 years of seeing her.

I would also bring her flowers. I would always try to talk to her about her life and making a social connection with someone. If you let your doctor intimidate you just from the standpoint of being a stranger, I feel like that can really change the course of your care. But if you try to get to know people, and that’s not necessarily a manipulative thing, but I think it’s important. It should be important in your relationship with your doctor. If you don’t feel like you can connect with them, there is issue number one, but I really felt like I could connect with her. I leaned into that. I have a cookie business on the side. She loved my cookies. We just had some other things to talk about other than my healthcare and I feel like it set this foundation of mutual respect.

What doctor comes over, gives you a hug, and tells you, “I want you to love your birth”?

So fast forward again, I see her again the next time and she said, “Look. I brought your case to my team and because we support moms who have had two C-sections, we felt like your risk is similar to theirs and that it shouldn’t risk you out of a TOLAC so I’m going to support you if this is what you want.” I had given her this analogy that I think was Julie’s analogy. She said, “If you needed heart surgery and you were told that you had a 98% chance of success–” because I think my risk of rupture was 2% or maybe a little bit lower, maybe 1.5.

I told her this. I’m like, “If you told me I needed heart surgery and I had a 98 or 99% chance of success, we would do it. There would be no question. I have this 1% risk of rupture. I’m coming to the hospital. What gives? I should at least be able to try.”

The problem is, I’m sure some people are like, “Why didn’t you just switch providers?” We have three hospitals in my area. One is 20 minutes from me and two are one hour away. One of them which is an hour away is the only place where I can VBAC and there isn’t a VBAC ban. There is maybe a handful of providers who deliver there. I knew my provider was VBAC-supportive sort of. She had the most experience of a lot of the providers around me so that’s why I didn’t switch.

I had very minimal options for care. I couldn’t go to LA or I couldn’t go somewhere further away. It would be a four-hour drive either way. We are in an isolated area. I felt like that was a huge win. We are set to go. I remember I told Katrina. Katrina was so happy for me, my doula. I just soldiered on.

I started taking Dr. Christopher’s Birth Prep at 36 weeks. I was doing my dates and I was really busy in real estate. That’s part of my story.

I was so busy working super hard and I was getting to the end of my pregnancy. At 38 weeks, I went in and I had clients lined up showings coming up. I was like, “I can’t have a baby anytime soon.” I was talking to my provider about it. “Maybe at 40 weeks, we can talk about a membrane sweep or something. I have so much on my plate. I can’t have a baby this week.”

My husband is a firefighter and his shift that he was going to be taking off was starting maybe the following week. I’m like, “He’s not even going to be home. He’s going to be gone most of this week. This is a horrible week to have a baby.” I let her check my cervix because I’m like, “I want to see if my birth prep or my dates are doing anything.”

At the same time, I still had this fear of, What if I do all of this work and I don’t even dilate? That was kind of what happened with my sister so I had that fear in the back of my mind.

She checks me and she was like, “You are 2 centimeters dilated, 50% effaced. You’re going to make it to your due date no problem. We’re not even going to talk about an induction until 41 weeks.” She was like, “I’m just not worried about it. He doesn’t feel that big to me. He doesn’t feel small. He doesn’t feel too big. He feels like a great size.” I said, “I know. I feel really confident that he’s going to be 8 pounds, 2 ounces.” I spoke that out. I said, “That’s my gut feeling. I just have so much confidence and peace about this birth. I just know it’s going to work out.”

I go on my merry little way from that appointment. I’m walking around. We had gone down to the beach. We were walking around and I’m like, “Man, I’m so crampy. For some reason, that check made me so, so crampy.” This was 38 weeks exactly.

We go back home and I have prodromal labor that night. I’m telling Katrina about it. She goes, “You know, I bet the check irritated your uterus.” The next day, I start having some bloody discharge. I’m like, “What is this? What does this mean?” I told Katrina and she said, “It could mean nothing. It could mean labor is coming soon. We’ll just have to see.” I hadn’t slept the whole night before. She was like, “You need to get a good night's sleep.”

I had to show property all day. I met these clients for the first time. I showed four or five houses to them and meanwhile, I’m like, “Gosh, I’m so sore and tired and crampy.” I told them, “I’m very obviously pregnant, but my due date is not until the end of the month.” This was June 10th and my due date was June 23rd. I said, “We have time. If you need to see houses, it shouldn’t be a big deal. I don’t want my pregnancy to scare you away.”

That night, I get home and I’m like, “I’m going to bed. It’s 8:00. I’m going to bed. I’m going to take Benadryl and I’m going to get the best night’s sleep.” They call me at 9:00 PM and they’re like, “Lauren, we saw this house online. It’s brand new on the market. We have to see it.” They lived a couple of hours away so I’m like, “I’ll go and I’ll Facetime you from the house. I’ll go tomorrow.” Tomorrow being June 11th. I’m like, “We’ll make it happen. I promise I will get you a showing on this house.”

I texted Katrina and I’m like, “Oh my gosh. I feel so crampy and so sore. Something might be going on, but I have to work tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted.” I wake up the next morning. It’s now June 11th and I lose my mucus plug immediately first thing. There was some blood. It was basically bloody show. I told Katrina and she’s like, “Okay, just keep me posted. I have a feeling he’s going to come this weekend. It was a Friday.

I’m like, “Well, he can’t because my husband works Saturday, Sunday, Monday. I don’t have time to have a baby.” We go to the showing. I’m finally alone without my toddler and my husband. I’m in the car and I’m like, “Man, my lower back hurts. It’s just coming and going but nothing to write home about, just a little bit of cramping.”

Of course, I never went into labor with my first so I did not know what to expect. I get to the showing and this house had a really steep staircase. I’m Facetiming my clients and I’m going up the stairs. It was probably at noon and I’m thinking to myself, Man, it’s really hard to go up these stairs. Why do I feel so funny? I finish up the showing and they’re like, “We want the house. This is the house for us.” I get back in the car. I’m getting all of their information. I’m talking to the other agent. I start the offer and I’m like, “I’m just going to drive home and get in my bed because I don’t feel good. I’m just going to write this offer from my bed and everything will be fine.”

I get home and I tell my husband at 2:30, “I’m just going to sit in our bed and get this offer sent off.” Mind you, I had a work event, a big awards event that night for my whole office and we were going to have to leave at 4:00 PM. My in-laws were going to come get my son and take him to sleep over. It’s 2:30. I’m writing this offer and I’m like, “I don’t feel good.” My partner calls me. I tell her, “Listen, I don’t know if I’m in labor, but I don’t feel well. Maybe I have a stomach bug. I’m going to write this offer. I’m going to give you my clients’ information and I want you to take over for me a little bit. They know I’m really pregnant, but this could just be a sickness but either way if something happens, I want them to have the best care and be taken care of if we are going to send this offer off.”

I send the offer off. It’s 3:30 at this point. I close my computer and I’m waiting for them to DocuSign. I text my husband, “There’s no way I’m going tonight. I don’t feel well. Something is up. I’m not sure what.” He didn’t see my text for a little while. He comes in the room at 4:00 and he starts to talk to me. I literally fall to the ground with my first contraction. I’m in active labor.

I don’t know it yet, but I’m in active labor. I’m just like, “It feels like there’s a wave crashing in my body.” That was the best way I could describe it. I’m like, “I feel this building. It’s an ebb and flow,” but it reminded me of playing in the waves as a kid because I grew up in Orange County at the beach and just that feeling of the waves hitting you when you are playing in the surf. I’m like, “This is really intense. What is going on?” I’m like, “I’m certain it’s a stomach bug.” I told him, “I have gas or something.” I was just like, “I’m going to give myself an enema and this will all go away.”

I did that and sitting down on the toilet, I was like, “Oh my gosh.” It made everything so much more intense. I texted Katrina, “Something is going on. I’m not really sure it is.” She’s like, “Well, why don’t you try timing some contractions for me and let me know?” I crawl into my closet. I can hear my son and my husband getting ready. My son was 2 so of course, 2-year-olds are not always behaving. I can hear them interacting. I crawl into my closet and I’m lying on the floor in the dark. The contractions are 3.5-4 minutes apart lasting a minute. I was like, “I’m still pretty sure this is a stomach thing that is happening every 3-4 minutes.” I call Katrina and I’m like, “I don’t know. I think I’m in labor. This is the length of my contractions. It’s probably just prodromal.” I had so much prodromal.

She was like, “Um, it doesn’t really sound like prodromal labor, but I’ll let you just figure it out. You let me know when you are ready for support. Make sure you are eating anything. Have you eaten anything today?” “No.” “Have you had any water?” “Not really.” “Okay. Please eat something. Please drink some water and keep me posted.”

She goes, “Can you talk through the contractions?” I said, “I can cry.” She’s like, “Okay. I’m ready to go as soon as you tell me.” Then the next thing I know, literally, this is probably an hour later so at 4:00 I had my first contraction. Now it’s 5:00 and I’m like, “The contractions are 3 minutes apart and lasting a minute.” I said, “Maybe you should come over. I think Sean (my husband) is getting a little nervous.” We were still so naive. We didn’t know what labor looked like and what was going on. We were like, “If we’re not going to the event, why don’t we just keep August (my son) at home? I’ll just make him dinner and I’m going to make you dinner.” He starts prepping dinner and I’m like, “I don’t think either of us really know what’s going on.” Of course, Katrina knew what was going on and probably thought I was a crazy person but I was very much in denial.

We texted her to come over and she gets there. I’m lying in my bed and she’s like, “Okay, yeah. They’re coming 2.5-3 minutes apart. If you’re ready to go to the hospital, I’m ready to go with you.” I’m mooing through these contractions, vocalizing everything. I’m like, “It just feels good to vocalize and I just really keep having to use the bathroom. It’s probably just my stomach.” She’s like, “No.” I can hear her outside my bathroom telling my husband, “I think we should go. She’s really vocalizing a lot and that usually means it’s pretty substantial, active labor.”

Meanwhile, all I can think about is, “I’ve got to get this offer in for my clients.” I’m waiting on DocuSign, checking my email. Finally, it comes through. This is 6:00, maybe 6:30. I see it come in. I send it off and I’m standing at my kitchen counter with my computer on, mooing, doing this freaking offer. I go to cross my legs as I’m leaning over and I’m like, “I can’t cross my legs, Katrina. I feel like my bones are separating.” She’s like, “Yeah, baby is probably descending into your pelvis. I think we should get going if you’re okay with going.”

We have a 45 to an hour drive depending on traffic and the time of day. It’s a Friday night so basically where I live, there’s not a ton of traffic but we get in the car. She’s following us and we get to the hospital. It’s probably 7:15-7:30 or something like that. I’m telling my husband as I’m mooing through these contractions, “This really isn’t that bad. If this is labor, it’s intense and it feels like there’s an earthquake in my body, but I would not tell you that I’m in any pain right now.” He’s like, “Okay, whatever you say lady.”

We ended up having to walk across the whole hospital parking lot to the ER because the regular hospital entrance was closed. As soon as we walked in the hospital, the hormones changed. The adrenaline kicks in. I start feeling pain. I start feeling a little bit panicky and it starts getting harder to cope through these contractions. I’m on the floor of the triage room crying into a trash can and everyone is staring at me. Katrina’s like, “They need to stop staring!” She was trying to defend me while my husband is answering all of their dumb questions like, “What’s your favorite color? What city is your mom born in?” They’re like, “Let’s just put you in a wheelchair and get you up there.” I’m like, “I can’t sit.” Anytime I tried to sit, the contractions were a minute apart and they were so intense.

I get there and I was so protective of this birth and outside interventions, I just was like, “Everything is evil. Cervical checks are evil. The epidural is evil. Everything is going to make me have a C-section.” I was like, “I don’t want to know how dilated I am. I don’t want anyone in this room to know except the nurse. That’s who is allowed to know how dilated I am.” She checks me and the doctor comes in. It was the hospitalist and of all the providers in my area, it was miraculous that I got this hospitalist because he has so much experience. He is so calm, so kind, so supportive. He just said, “Hi, Lauren. I’m Dr. so-and-so and you’re in labor. Happy laboring.”

No concerns about my TOLAC, nothing. He didn’t even bring it up. He didn’t ask to check, nothing. Just, “Happy laboring,” and he left the room. I’m like, “Okay. Clearly I’m in active labor.” So then they were getting the tub ready because my room had a tub and as we were waiting for it to warm up, I’m sitting on the ball. I’m having all this bloody show. The nurse asked to check me again before I get in the tub. Unknowingly, I had been 5 centimeters when we arrived. I was 7 now when we got in the tub an hour later. I get in the tub and I wouldn’t say it provided me any relief.

Honestly, I was so in my head and not necessarily in pain, just so mentally unaware of everything going on, in labor land, but also very overwhelmed by the intensity of it. I told Katrina, “George Washington could have been sitting in the corner watching me labor. I would not have known.” I barely opened my eyes. I had a nurse who was there sitting with us because I had to have a one-on-one nurse for being high-risk and I had to have continuous fetal monitoring. Because I was in the water, she needed to sit there and make sure the monitors didn’t move.

I couldn’t have told you what she looked like, nothing. I didn’t speak to her. I was in another world. I think I maybe was in the tub for 30 minutes to an hour. It’s probably 9:00 or 10:00. I can’t even remember the timeline of it but it wasn’t that long of a labor. My water breaks and I start grunting. They’re like, “Let’s get you out of the tub. Let’s get you out of the tub.” I think I was 9 centimeters at this point. We arrived at 7:30. This is probably 10:00 PM or something like that. I’m like, “Okay. I’m just going to lean over the back of this bed and just moo and make noises.”

Me being who I am and not super emotional, I’m making jokes about how I sound. I’m like, “You guys, I sound like Dory in Finding Nemo. I’m so embarrassed. Please don’t look at my butthole.” I was naked. I’m making all these jokes and coping, I would say pretty well in terms of pain but just very overwhelmed by the intensity of it. They come in and check me and they’re like, “Okay, you’re complete.” This is at 11:00 PM maybe or 10:30, something like that. But she was like, “You have a little bit of a cervical lip.”

It was a provider I hadn’t met before at my OB’s office but they were like, “We will just let you do your thing. You sound pushy but please don’t push because you have a lip. Let’s just let him descend.” I could feel his head inside of myself. I could feel his head coming down. I was like, “I want it to be over. I want it to be over.” I’m still in denial of this whole thing this entire time. Are we sure it’s not poop? I know there’s a baby coming out. Once my water broke, I’m like, “Okay, I guess I’m having a baby.” That was really, truly the first time that I was like, “Okay, this is really happening.”

Maybe 30 minutes later, the hospitalist peeks his head in the room and he’s like, “Lauren, why don’t you try laying on your side?” I tried and it was too painful. I flip over on my back and three pushes later, he comes flopping out. I screamed him out and it was super painful. I was so overwhelmed by how painful it was. I just screamed like a crazy, wild woman. He’s on my chest and he’s screaming and I’m in all this pain and then she’s like, “I’ve got to give you lidocaine. You tore a little bit. I’m going to stitch you up.” It was just all this pain happening at once, but I was like, “I got my VBAC. That’s all that matters. No one touched me and I got my VBAC. I don’t care about anything else.”

Anyway, it was great. I would not change it for the world because I never had a ton of pain. I never really thought I needed an epidural, but it was a little bit mentally overwhelming.

Meagan: Mhmm, sure.

Lauren: Anyway, that was my first VBAC. The doctor said, “You pushed so primally. That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.” The hospitalist was like, “That was incredible to watch. You are a badass.” I was like, “That was such a compliment because I didn’t know what I was doing and you’re this doctor with all the experience.”

Anyway, fast forward to my third pregnancy. This is now the summer of 2023. We decide we’re going to have one more baby. I of course had no issues with the VBAC this time because I had a successful TOLAC with my second. I made it to 20 weeks. I had COVID, RSV, and the flu all right around then so they were telling me, “Your baby is measuring totally normal.” I’m like, “Yeah, because I’ve been sick as a dog for 6 weeks.” I’m like, “Maybe I’m going to get this newborn who is a normal size,” because my son was born at 38 and 2, the second one, and he was 8 pounds, 3 ounces. I had told my doctor 8 pounds, 2 ounces. I was one ounce off. I was like, “Maybe I’ll get this little peanut baby and it’s going to be so great. I’ll finally have a newborn who fits in a diaper for more than two days.”

Then I hit 33 weeks and I got huge. I just exploded inside. I go to my OB and I’m like, “I don’t feel good. I’m too big. This baby is too big. Something is wrong.” She’s like, “No, Lauren. I really just think you make big babies and he just went through a growth spurt. Let’s not worry. I’m not going to have you do an ultrasound or anything like that. If he continues to measure 2-3 weeks ahead,” because I was measuring 36 weeks at 33 weeks, “then we can talk about it, but I don’t want to worry about it.” I was like, “Okay.”

I was having all of this round ligament pain more than I had with my others and prodromal labor was so painful. I remember telling Katrina who I hired again, “I feel like something is wrong with my muscles. I just am so uncomfortable. But I don’t want to make any rash decisions based on it. I might get an epidural if this keeps up because this doesn’t feel normal. “

She was like, “Okay, whatever works.” So I get to my 38-week appointment and I’m thinking, I’m going to have this baby at 38 weeks just like I had my second baby. I had everything ready. Everything was good to go at my house and then day by day, it ticks on. Baby is not coming. Baby is not coming. I was due April 6th. This was just this year, 2024. I get to 38 weeks. I tell my doctor, “Just strip my membranes. I don’t even care.” She was like, “Okay, I guess if that’s what you want.”

She did. Nothing happened. 39 weeks rolls around. She strips my membranes again. Nothing really happens and then the night of Easter, I had this strange experience where I woke up in the middle of the night and I had this contraction that wouldn’t end. I couldn’t feel the baby move and it freaked me out. I did everything I could to get him to move. I was in the shower. I was eating. I was drinking and doing all of these things. Finally, I called Katrina at 2:00 in the morning. I’m like, “My baby’s dead. I’m 100% sure he’s gone. What do I do?” She’s like, “Lauren, just relax. Lie on your side and drink something sweet.” We were ready to go to the hospital.

I remember we had a stethoscope. I got the stethoscope and I put it right where I knew his heartbeat was and I heard a heartbeat. I burst into tears. It was the first time I’ve ever cried with any of my babies even being put on my chest. I just felt this relief because I had so much anxiety about him with my size being so big and the pain I was having. I was like, “I just want this baby out.” I never really felt that way, but it was this desperate anxiety.

A couple of days passed and I’m now in week 39. I’m like, “My uterus is silent like a little church mouse. She’s not doing a thing. She’s not cramping. She’s not contracting. No discharge, nothing.” I’m like, “This baby is never going to come.” I tell my doctor at my 39-week appointment, “If this baby hasn’t come by Friday, I’m back here and I want another membrane sweep.”

I felt kind of crazy because I’m like, “This is technically an induction, like a natural and I’m intervening.” Me who never wanted anyone to touch me and now I’m like, “Please touch me and pull this baby out of my body.” She goes to check me and she’s like, “Lauren, I think he’s coming tonight. Your body contracted around my hand when I tried to sweep you. I just wouldn’t be surprised. Don’t worry.” I’m like, “Okay, well you’re breaking my water on Monday.” I was 3 or 4 centimeters dilated and I’m like, “We’re waiting until Monday but I want you to break my water because I’m over it.”

She’s like, “That’s a good idea. Let’s threaten this baby and he’ll come right out.” This was early in the morning on Friday, the 5th. Anyway, I had all of this anxiety and I just felt like he needed to come out. I couldn’t get any peace until I knew he was alive and happy and healthy and on my chest.

Friday afternoon, I felt crampy just a little bit the whole day and then at 4:30 PM, I feel this gush and I’m like, “Okay. Is that my water or is it my pee?” because his head felt like it was on my bladder. I didn’t say anything to anyone. Then 6:00 rolls around. I text Katrina. I’m like, “Listen, I felt a little gush and I keep feeling it. I put a pad on and it doesn’t seem to be urine. I’m not really sure what’s happening. I’m just going to do some Miles Circuit and I’ll update you.”

At 7:30, I’m cleaning my kitchen and all of a sudden, I’m hit with an active labor contraction. I’m like, “Not again. I want labor to start normally so I know what’s happening.” No. Baby’s like, “I’m ready.” At 7:30, I tell her, “Okay, I’m feeling contractions. I’m getting in the shower to see if it will stop. It might be prodromal. Let’s give it an hour. I’m going to text you, but they are 2.5 minutes apart.”

She’s like, “I’m at dinner. I’m getting boxes. Just let me know.” I was like, “Okay. It might stop though so I wouldn’t worry about it.” No, it did not stop. She gets to my house at 9:00 and my car is already running. I’m like, “We’re going.” I am mooing through these contractions. I’m going to pop this baby out right now. I had thankfully put some chux pads in the back of my car. I’m on all fours in the back of my car. Mind you, we have to drive an hour to the hospital. I peed all over the chux pad. I just was like, “He’s on my bladder. He’s on my bladder.” It was so painful and I couldn’t control anything. I’m like, “Is this water? Is this pee? I don’t even know what’s happening.”

We get to the hospital. He did not come in the car, thank God, but we did have to go to the ER again and the ER was taking forever. It took a half hour to get me up to labor and delivery as I’m actively mooing in front of the hospital. I was like, “I’m not going in,” because there was a little girl sitting in the waiting room and some convict sitting with a police officer. I’m like, “I’m not having my labor in front of these people!”

Even the police officer came out and he was like, “I don’t understand what is taking so long. You are clearly about to have this baby. I will bust open these doors for you and walk you up to L&D myself if that’s what it takes.” Finally, they got me up there. I arrived. I told Katrina and my husband, “You guys, I’m getting an epidural.” I said, “I have had so much anxiety and so much pain. This does not feel like my previous labor. This feels like I’m suffering.” I said, “I just want to smile. I just want to smile. I want to smile this baby out.”

We get up there. I’m 8 centimters dilated. This was the part of the story that I feel like it comes back to advocating for myself. I go in there and I’m like, “I don’t care what you need from me. I just need the epidural and stat.” The nurses are scrambling and this doctor walks in. I am on all fours on the bed just staring at the ground, actively transitioning. I see this doctor walk in. I see his feet and he had his shoelaces untied. Immediately, I’m just like, “No. It’s a no.” I don’t know why. I just was like, “Your shoes are dirty and they are untied. You seem like a hot mess. I’m already a hot mess. I want someone to come in and just be like clean-cut and normal.”

He starts asking me all these questions. He’s asking me my whole health history, everything about my grandparents, my parents, all of this stuff. I’m in transition then he goes, “You’re aware of the risk of TOLAC, right?” I said, “Yes.” He goes, “That your uterus could burst wide open?” I literally saw red. I’m in a contraction and I just screamed like a wild lady. I was like, “Get out.” I wanted to add on some expletives and tell him to get out of the room. I just said, “Get food.” He was like, “I’m just saying.” He ended up leaving and my nurse peeks her head under. I look over and I see this nurse peeking her head right into my face and it’s the same nurse who was there with my first VBAC. She goes, “You don’t have to accept care from him.” She goes, “Your doctor is actually the backup on-call doctor tonight.” She goes, “If you refuse care, we can call her and she can come in.”

I was like, “Oh my gosh. This is a miracle.” We get the epidural. I’m like, “We’ve got to slow this thing down. I don’t want to have this baby and have this crazy man who I cannot stand anywhere near my body parts, anywhere in this room.” We get the epidural and everything slowed down. I labored down. My doctor ended up coming in and she checked me. She was like, “Your bag is bulging. It feels like rubber. It’s so thick.” She was like, “I think that’s why he’s not coming out.” We got to the hospital at 9:30-9:45. By the time we got in the room, 11:00 by the time I got the epidural, and the anesthesiologist was like, “You’re going to have this baby in 30 minutes. I’m certain of it.” To slow it down, I’m closing my legs and doing all of these things to slow it down.

My doctor comes in. She breaks my water and fluid goes everywhere. It floods the floor. She goes, “I don’t remember any time I’ve ever seen this much water come out of someone without polyhydramnios. Maybe you had it. I don’t know but this is an insane amount of water.” She breaks my water and then my epidural was a pretty low dose because he thought I was having the baby in 30 minutes. It’s now 2:30 in the morning and I haven’t had the baby yet. I’m getting up on my knees. I’m leaning over the back of the bed and I feel him descending.

Then my doctor comes in an hour later and she’s like, “Let’s get this baby out.” It was 3:30 in the morning and she’s like, “Let’s go.” She feels me. She’s like, “You’re complete. I feel his head right here. You just need to push and you can’t feel that his head is right here.” So I just get on my back, in lithotomy with the freaking stirrups like I said I would never do with the epidural I said I would never get and I pushed him out in three pushes.

He was 9 pounds, 7 ounces. I am so glad I got that epidural. No regrets there because that’s a really freaking huge baby. His head was in the 100th percentile or something like gigantic. I tore a little bit again, but I feel like the tradeoff was this peaceful, happy birth. I was making jokes. I had this nurse that I loved and knew. I had my doctor I loved and knew. I had Katrina and I had my husband who were the only people in the room and we laughed our way into this birth.

I laughed my baby out basically. I was making jokes the whole time and I just had this peaceful experience. I told my husband, “I know I railed on the epidural my whole pregnancy and I said I would never get it,” but it’s a tool ultimately. It’s a tool.

If you use it wisely, I was very far along. I said, “I don’t think it’s going to stop my labor.” I felt really confident in my decision. I didn’t feel like anything was pushed on me. I made the decision. I’m happy I did it that way. Would I do it again that way? I don’t know. I think with every birth, you should be open-minded to the possibilities and your needs. I hear so many stories where women are like, “And then I got the epidural. I had to.” I’m like, “It’s okay. Own that decision. You’re no worse off for getting it and it doesn’t make you any less of a mom or any less of a good person for getting it. It’s okay to not feel every single pain of labor if it’s overclouding your ability to be in the moment.”

Meagan: Yeah.

Lauren: So anyway, that was my second VBAC story. Honestly, it was so redemptive because there was no trauma from the pain of having this wild, chaotic, primal birth. It was just peaceful and happy with all of the people. If I could have dreamt up a list of people who could have been with me, that’s who it would have been.

Meagan: Good. Oh, I love that you pointed that out. Well, I am so happy for you. Congrats again, 11 days ago and right now I want to thank you again so much for sharing your story.

Lauren: Thank you for having me.

Closing

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