309 How to Find Hope and Flourish When Parenting a Special Needs Child

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary:

Mothers of children with special needs experience a wide range of emotions: fear, disappointment, guilt, grief, despair. They have a yearning for relief but often feel isolated and inadequate as they look at the parenting experience of others. As you pour your energy and resources into raising a special needs child, it’s easy to struggle with feelings of isolation, competition, and overwhelm.

For the special needs mom who yearns for community and support on what can be a lonely road, my guest, Carrie Holt, wants to remind you that you are not alone, your best IS good enough, and even on the hard days, there are blessings to be had. In honor of Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month, we’re sharing how to find hope and flourish when parenting a special needs child.

Quotables from the episode:

• I have seen how families lose hope, feel strung out, and all alone living this life of being in and out of the hospital. From the time my son was around 20 months of age, I began volunteering at our local children’s hospital and have been passionate about encouraging others ever since.
• I was joyfully expecting our third child when at a 20 week ultrasound, our doctor told us something was wrong with the baby. We learned he had Myelomeningocele (Spina Bifida) and Hydrocephalus and would require two life-saving surgeries the first day of his life, with one following a few days later. I read a lot about his condition, grieved, and then planned – trying to control everything.
• It wasn’t until the last few years, that I have truly grieved that, and have been learning to live in the tension of lament. My son ended up being admitted for 64 days, 30 of those in the PICU. He came home with a trach, ventilator, and g-tube with 16 hours a day/7 days a week of home nursing care. He’s been in and out of the hospital repeatedly and to date has had 64 surgeries.
• The life of parenting a special needs child is continual, so we are all learning to live in the tension of our kids not being healed and how God is with us in all of this. I’m learning that it’s okay to feel disappointed, to lament that to God, and grieve the hard moments of realizing that my son isn’t going to be like other kids. I’m also trying to help him navigate life’s hard questions: “Why did God allow this? Why didn’t he heal me?” His complex emotions, doubts, and anger over being in a wheelchair has been really hard for us.
• Do not be afraid of grief. Sometimes we feel like it’s going to drown us, but it’s so important to take our messy emotions to God.
• It’s okay to take our messy emotions to God – even anger, doubt, and fear, but it’s actually essential to our relationship with God and how He meets us there. Emotions aren’t something we get over, they continually come up again and again, but we’ve learned some strategies to deal with them. Gratefulness, getting quiet, and lament are just a few.
• I think for me personally, it is learning to take this one day at a time, crying out in the pain when it’s there, and then also remembering that God is in control. It’s also just looking for the little gifts of hope and joy that he gives us on a daily basis.
• Probably the biggest thing has just been his presence and knowing him in a way that I had not known him if I wasn’t in this.
• As difficult as pain and suffering is, God has showed me his character and his presence and sometimes it's just that perspective shift of Lord show me you, instead of my eyes being on my pain and my suffering, show me how you've prepared me for this, show me your character, show me your glory, show me your comfort.
• Jesus wants to be present in your pain.

Scripture References:

• Psalm 40:1-3 ESV I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.
• Lamentations 3:21-26, ESV But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

Recommended Resources:

• The Other Side of Special, Navigating the Messy, Emotional, Joy-Filled Life of a Special Needs Mom by Amy J. Brown, Sara Clime, and Carrie M. Holt
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year and the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Christian Living and Non-Fiction categories
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Devotional category, the 2023 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 1
• YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 2
• Revive & Thrive Women’s Online Conference
• Revive & Thrive Summit 2
• Trusting God through Cancer Summit 1
• Trusting God through Cancer Summit 2
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian Writer’s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award’s Reader’s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.)
• YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Henri and Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Carrie Holt:

Website / Carrie Instagram / Special Moms Instagram / Carrie Facebook / Podcast & Book

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

Guest:

Carrie M. Holt is the co-host of the Take Heart Special Moms Podcast, an author and speaker whose passion is to encourage women to flourish in the unexpected. Through her testimony of raising and homeschooling four children, including her son, with medical, mental, and physical disabilities, her desire is for women and mothers to experience the hope we have in trials through the steadfast love of Christ. Her recent book, "The Other Side of Special: Navigating the Messy, Emotional, Joy-Filled Life of a Special Needs Mom," was released May 9th through Revell Publishing. She spent twelve years speaking and advocating through volunteer groups such as Family as Faculty and the Family Advisory Council at Nationwide Children's Hospital, a press conference in Washington D.C., several hospital fundraisers, and an event featuring former Ohio Governor John Kasich. She has also been a guest on various radio shows, including KNEO Author's Corner, Family Life Radio, and Moody Radio, and has spoken for women's events in churches, conferences, and smaller homeschool groups.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

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