Ep145 - Widow Your Way from Grief to Resilience with Rebecca Johnson

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo

When it comes to grief, it’s possible to live happily…even after. Rebecca Johnson knows her fair share of loss. Just weeks after the sudden death of her husband, she found out she had a rare and inoperable eye cancer. On this episode of the HIListically Speaking Podcast, Rebecca shares how an unexpected twist of humor and courage was the calling she needed to press “record” and heal. By sharing the message to “Widow Your Way”, she found resiliency and community with a mission to take back control and find joy in the everyday, no matter the loss.⁣

Connect with Rebecca and tune into her podcast Love is Not Dead…Just My Husband⁣ on any podcast platform.

https://www.instagram.com/loveisnotdead_justmyhusband/⁣

https://www.facebook.com/loveisnotdeadjustmyhusband⁣

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If you’re struggling to find your way through a loss in your life, let’s see if Havening is right for you on your healing journey. Book a complimentary clarity call and let’s HUG it Out and heal. https://hilaryrusso.as.me/hugitout⁣

If this episode has touched, moved and inspired you, pay it forward and consider leaving a rating and review wherever you’re tuning in. ⁣

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Connect with Hilary:⁣

https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣

⁣https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣

https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣

https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣

https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣

https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣

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⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣

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--------- EPISODE CHAPTERS WITH SHORT KEY POINTS ------

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00:00 Navigating Widowhood and Overcoming Loss⁣

00:30 Transforming Traumas Into Triumphs⁣

05:06 The Power of Podcasting⁣

08:21 Gratitude, Loss, and Legacy⁣

12:21 Embracing Widowhood and Overcoming Challenges⁣

29:43 Empowering Widows Through Personalized Grieving⁣

33:44 Self Care and Dating Adventures⁣

42:45 Word Association Game in Podcast⁣

46:29 Connect With Rebecca Johnson's Podcast⁣

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--------- EPISODE TRANSCRIPT ---------⁣

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00:00 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

For me, it turned out that my widowhood journey was nothing about my husband. It's not. Being a widow has absolutely nothing to do with your dead husband. It's all about you. You are the widow. It's called widowhood for a reason. It's your journey, it's about you. ⁣

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00:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Well, one of my favorite sayings is you choose to choose. I know you've heard me say that before if you've been tuning into HIListically Speaking for some time, and it's really a reminder that we truly can change our thoughts and then change our lives in that very moment. Right, and it doesn't mean that we should not feel our feelings or our emotions, it doesn't mean we should ignore the upsets or the traumas that have happened in our lives. But by choosing to choose, we have this ability to really take our lives back and I know I've been on that place a few times myself to turn those traumas into the triumphs, one day at a time. Rebecca Johnson, you reminded me of that Now. For those of you who don't know Rebecca, you will after this. ⁣

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01:14⁣

She is the host of the podcast Love is Not Dead. Just my husband and I met you during she Podcast Live and also PodFest, and while I was the one presenting on the stage and sharing and hopefully people were learning something from what I had to share. I learned so much from you, just having a little time with you during those four days down in Florida, and I just am so elated to have you here to share your story, to share parts of who you are, to share your podcast and just really be in the room with you right now. ⁣

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01:46 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

So thank you so much for being here, sweet Rebecca oh my God, that is so flattering and I mean thank you for having me. I was so ecstatic whenever you said you wanted me on your podcast because your energy when I met you after the award and you came up and talked to me I've honestly only met one other stranger in that same type of scenario where their energy just drew me to you. ⁣

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02:22 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

So yeah, I'm elated and touched by that and I think you know for me, thank you for that, for me, putting out that beacon, we tend to align with those who will mirror back at us. Right, it's being in the room, it's creating that vibe and, you know, it's like the saying like survive a tractor tribe, right, and we are in that room with a tribe of people, with a group of women who are podcasters, who are making a difference in this world. Plus, can I just add, before we go any further and into your story, this gal won, like the People's Choice Award during that she Podcast Live. You won the Sonic Bloom Award, which was like the award of awards that everybody thought, your podcast, which you've only had for a year. Again, love is not dead, just my husband. We're going to talk about that. ⁣

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03:13⁣

So, congratulations, thank you, love that and you know, for those of you who do not know Rebecca yet, like I said, you will, but she is a widow. She has survived multiple losses in a very short period of time. You've also dealt with a rare cancer that you're still you're still are working through. You've made it your mission to say that you're going to widow your way. Love that and how to move forward in life and loss without going down that rabbit hole. That is so easy to do because the brain will instantly go to that place right, it hates uncertainty. It's going to protect itself, go to the safe place and you're like kind of pulling people back. Pulling people back just from your own story. So such a beautiful lesson that we learn from our own upsets in our lives and I just love where you're going with this. ⁣

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04:05 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Thank you so much. It's been. Podcasting has been a big part of my healing journey and it helped me heal a lot of things that I thought I had already addressed, you know, before, and it brought up a lot of things that, in grief, that I realized that I hadn't worked through, and podcasting has been a big part of that. ⁣

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04:35 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

So, before we pressed record, I was telling you about my journey, about how I got into podcasting. You know, being in the broadcasting world for 30 years and then moving into this field of mental health, it was the one area I hadn't tapped into was the podcasting world. So people are always interested in how you find podcasting. So, for you, what, what was your story and what made you say I'm going to press record, I'm going to be open and vulnerable and courageous and share my journey. ⁣

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05:06 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

So a friend of mine that I met in the same way that I met you, which just brings this full circle. So I'm really enjoying this moment. I met her on a trip in Mexico and Tulum and just her energy, her presence, everything about her I was just. I wanted to be in her space the entire time Like I felt safe, and she. We became friends. She invited me to speak at a women's wellness event that she had. ⁣

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05:47⁣

And I have done public speaking, but not on a stage like that and just usually for work stuff, because that's the things that I know, and when you know something very well, you feel comfortable talking about it. So I've only done public speaking for work events and so I did that. I think I did horribly, but everyone seemed to like it. And then we were talking afterwards and she was like I really think you should tell your story. You can help so many people. What can I do to get you on this speaking journey? And I was very nervous about that. So, instead of going through public speaking and being on stage and people actually seeing me, we talked through it and I can do the same thing, but hidden Like behind the mic. I don't necessarily have to show my face, and I don't have to show my vulnerability, and I don't have to show that I'm scared and I'm upset or sad. I can just be hidden and stay behind the mic. So that's how podcasting came about. ⁣

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07:07 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

But, interestingly enough, even though we're behind the mic and we might be expressing and opening our heart and soul, there is still a sense of vulnerability, because your voice is very powerful too. People get to know you, they resonate with the voice, they resonate with the person behind the microphone as well, and it's kind of like being a fly on the wall many times in this work that we do as podcasters. So for you and I briefly mentioned your cancer survivor your survivor of grief multiple times, like you had mentioned in part of your story is that you lost your husband a number of years ago and then six months later you found out you had cancer, and then you recently just told me that you also lost your brother. So can we talk about that journey a little bit? ⁣

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08:01 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Yeah, absolutely. It was my husband. I lost him first and it was May 2018. It was very unexpected. He had no health issues, except for some sleep apnea, but he passed away peacefully in a sleep. ⁣

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08:21⁣

So sometimes I get a little nervous about telling the story, talking about the death and talking about my husband, because so many other widowers and podcasters out there sharing their stories and telling their stories. They have really traumatic losses and even though and I used to downplay that a lot I used to say you know, I'm so grateful that my husband didn't commit suicide, I'm so grateful that my husband wasn't in a traumatic accident, but what I found that I was doing is I was using gratitude in the wrong way and I was not taken in consideration my own grief, and I was downplaying my grief to others, and which ultimately had me into the realization after a while. You know, losses, loss it doesn't matter and I don't judge anyone for the losses that they grieve, whether it's a pet or a spouse, or a parent, or a job or, you know, just a boyfriend. We're all grieving and that is all the same. And similar. ⁣

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09:57 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Elaborate on that, because gratitude to hear that you're using gratitude the wrong way. What do you mean by that? ⁣

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10:05 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

I downplay what's happening in my life because I feel like it's not as important as what's happening in someone else's life. And then, when I first learned about gratitude which I know some people might find that strange, like what do you mean you first learned about gratitude? When I first learned about gratitude, I didn't know that you should wake up and be grateful for something. I didn't know that there was this thing. Tell me three things that you're grateful for today. And when I did and I learned that the first time that a friend of mine asked me to do that, I didn't know what to say and I literally asked her can you explain gratitude to me? And she didn't make me feel stupid about it. She was very gracious. She explained gratitude and she said you know you don't have to be grateful for all these great big, amazing things. She said you can just be grateful that you're here and we're having this cup of coffee, and so that's how it started out for me. ⁣

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11:17⁣

I would just say I'm so grateful for this coffee today, or I'm so grateful that the weather is beautiful outside. So I started out with little things of gratitude and then I worked my way up to bigger things. I was using it, in a way, to excuse myself and downplay my feelings and what's going on with me, to uplift someone else or make them feel like they are more important. What they're going through is worse than what I'm going through, when in actuality it's not. And it really made me realize that, yes, we can be grateful for things during bad times, but we don't have to act like, we don't have to use gratitude in a way that makes our bad things irrelevant. I hope I explained that right. ⁣

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12:21 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

I love that you're touching on this, yeah, and this is such a big part of my hug it out method that I was sharing with you before and also when you, you and I met at the conference and that you know. Hug it out is about taking time to embrace yourself and a big part of that is the G and the hug it out, which is the gratitude, it's the self, it's the humor, it's the understanding and the gratitude that is really involved in the healing. And that gratitude is what are you appreciative for about yourself that you're putting out in this world? And you're right A lot of times we look at gratitude as, like this grand big thing, like you have to be grateful for the big things in life, but it's getting up in those first moments before you put your feet on the floor. In fact, there's a Harvard research review study, rebecca, and to those listening that says if you start your day with two minutes of gratitude before you pick up your phone, before you do anything, two minutes of gratitude, and it could be the small things, like I'm just happy I'm waking up in the morning, I'm glad I have a roof over my head, those small things, or the music or your cat next to you, whatever it is you have a 27% more likelihood of having a good day six to eight hours later compared to if you get up and just go grab your phone, read the paper, turn the news on for three minutes. I mean that's 27% that you're putting on the table, right. So just taking those few moments, like you're doing, and take those gratitude moments and I highly encourage those of you who are tuning in right now listening to this beautiful conversation with Rebecca Johnson who, like I mentioned, she has this wonderful podcast called Love Is Not Dead, just my Husband. We'll talk about that and so much more that's still to come in our conversation Take two minutes, just try this as a challenge, make it part of your hug it out challenge. ⁣

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14:14⁣

Start two minutes in the morning, just with the small things, and see how you feel later in the day, and it could be small. In fact, it should be small, because lessening your own gratitude because somebody else is going through something that you think is greater. It's not a comparison game, right? We all have the ability to touch, move, inspired and be touched, moved and inspired. So if it doesn't begin with in, how in the world can you show up for others, right? Yes, so that was a big lesson for you. Yes, it was, yeah. And from facing that loss and making that change and losing your husband, it wasn't that long after that that you found out that you were facing your own personal loss. ⁣

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15:02 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Yeah. So six weeks after he had passed away, I had found out that I was having trouble with my vision and went to the eye doctor. He thought my retina was detaching, went to a specialist and he said I think there's something more. And he sent me to an ocular oncologist at Duke Eye Center. This all happened in 2018. And that's when I found out I was diagnosed with a rare eye cancer ocular melanoma. ⁣

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15:34 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

You do have a terminal diagnosis. ⁣

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15:37 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Yes, so my cancer is incurable and, based on the statistics of the drug, the immunotherapy that I'm taking statistically the survival rate is two to three years. But, however, there are some people that are on this drug, that were on it throughout the trial and they're now at four years. So that does. That gives me some hope. ⁣

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16:05 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

What is your biggest concern? ⁣

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16:07 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

My biggest concern is my son and how he is going to be able to handle the grief, because I have only had a few losses and they have absolutely been significant to me, but my son has had in such a short period of time. I mean we lost. My best friend's son was murdered, so that was his godbrother, I mean his very first friend, his best friend growing up his entire life, then my husband, which is his stepfather, who did raise him. Then after that he had a friend from school, I believe it was. He died in a car accident, then his grandfather died, then his grandmother died, then my brother, his uncle died, and then his great grandmother died. ⁣

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17:22⁣

And now he has to think about my death as well and that's a lot of loss. And I've never seen him cry. I mean I saw him cry at my husband's funeral and I just I wonder how. I worry about how he's processing his grief, because sometimes when I talk to him about it, he does open up and he wants to talk about it, but then sometimes he will just look at me and say I don't want to talk about that. So I hope that in some way this podcast will be a way for him to come back and listen to me and my advice and just kind of learn from it that grief is going to be hard and it's going to be sad, but there's so much to still be grateful for in life and I don't want him to think that when my life is over, that just life is over in general and I want him to live and not just be alive Like. I want him to actually live and have everything he's ever wanted. ⁣

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18:53 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Well, I imagine having a mom like you. He's learning what it means to get back up. You know, I hope so, I think so, and I imagine there are a lot of other people that are tuning in and probably are getting that message that you might never meet. So thanks for that. Thanks for sharing that part of yourself vulnerably and with unbelievable courage and a legacy. Is something that we hope we can all share and leave behind, whether it's tomorrow or 20 years from now, or 30 years from now. You know it's just leaving our mark in a positive way, in any way that we know we're touch, moving and inspiring people. So thanks for pressing record. ⁣

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19:47 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Thank you for listening. Thank everyone for listening, because it wouldn't be a podcast without listeners. ⁣

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19:55 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Yeah, that's true. And even with that, with that loss as well, you not only found out you had cancer, you also wound up with more loss, and that was even losing the eye itself. ⁣

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20:10 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Yes, and back to downplaying the same thing with my eye, and I never thought about it at the time. Losing my eye was a really big deal and the cancer and the eye and everything that was going on with me was really overshadowing my grief for my husband. So that was just kind of delayed. So now I'm in survival mode and I just have to try to take care of myself. But the loss of my eye was I don't, I never thought about it in a way that losing a body part, but you grieve that too. You know I had some phantom visions sometimes, you know. ⁣

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21:06⁣

And then also, just it was a while before I got my prosthetic and to have no eye and to wear an eye patch, or my eye doctor made me some glasses with a blackout lens which made it nicer, but it was still almost very. ⁣

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21:28⁣

It was a lot more eye catching to someone than just an eye patch, right? So I didn't leave the house a lot. I didn't like the way that I looked. I also had a small basal cell carcinoma on the forehead that the surgeon had found and it was really a small little bump that just wasn't healing on my forehead and he took that out as well and he said it ended up being a lot larger than he thought and left me with a large scar the scar. And so for a long time I just I didn't like the way that I looked and it took me years to embrace my prosthetic eye and that it was a tough time. A lot of grief there and still, sometimes now even I have difficulty with again not wanting to speak and be more behind the mic instead of on stage and people seeing me on camera. I still get nervous sometimes that people are looking at my eye. ⁣

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22:43 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

And what's so amazing is that you at some point took the shift. I mean, and look like those inner parts of ourselves are still there. The things we've been through are there and we should never be ignoring them. But you've turned the corner on things and even wrote it to me. You said I just I'm not falling down the rabbit hole. So where was the turning point for you that you said I'm not going this route, even though some days are more challenging than others. Like you, just mentioned. ⁣

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23:15⁣

And I have these moments where the ego steps in or the doubt steps in. Hi, welcome to being a human right. But for you, when was it like? You know what? Screw this. I'm turning this around. I want to be there for myself. I want to be there for my family. I want to be there for my family, a potential listeners who, now that you've been in this podcasting world for over a year and doing things the widows way, as you call it, like, how did all this come about? ⁣

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23:45 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Well it was. It was quite the roller coaster, I'll tell you. The breaking point was a summer trip in Sedona. I have a friend. I go with her and her family to Sedona every year and Sedona is absolutely gorgeous. And any the vortex and the vortex, any any picture you see of Sedona, that is exactly what it looks like. That it's. It's not made up. You can take the ugliest picture of Sedona in the Red Rocks and it's still the most beautiful place. ⁣

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24:24⁣

So here I am. I get the opportunity to go every summer with this family and experience a place that most people only dream of going. And I Wasn't having that experience. We were. We were leaving the airport restaurant one day and when you come on the back end of the Red Rocks, they're these beautiful, like they're lighter colors. They're not the deep reds, they're, they're much lighter reds and pinks and oranges and whites and they all blend together. And we were coming around and she goes isn't this the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? And I looked at her and I said I don't know what's beautiful anymore and I just busted out crying and I spent the next few days just crying, like I needed that cry. ⁣

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25:31⁣

I didn't even cry that. I didn't cry that much when my husband died. I didn't cry that much when I was diagnosed with my cancer. I feel like I had bottled everything up for so long and it was finally coming out and I felt like I was living a lie, like every smile was forced, every laugh was fake, what people saw on the outside was not how I felt. And when I left Sedona I knew that something had to change. So I had to get some discipline. I had to force myself and I love Mel Robbins. Shout out to Mel Robbins Five, four, three, two, one. ⁣

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26:19⁣

And you know I take her advice, advice like as a widow and a lot of people like she is very you got to make yourself, do it. No one's coming to save you. Get off your ass and just do it. And I took that advice not just as a person but as a widow and I'm like you know what, rebecca? No one's coming to save you. No one's coming to save you. You're. You're here, you're grieving and you're sad and you're depressed and you're lonely and you're living this widow saga. No one's coming to save you. No one cares that you're a widow anymore. You're the only one that cares. You're the only one hanging on to this and I just use that and I started doing things more for myself. I went back to school. I started getting out more. I said I'm going to start dating. ⁣

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27:29⁣

I did that horribly, but but that was what you did it, girl, I did it, but you did it, but that was, that was the breaking point and I really started to embrace living, I started to travel, I started to do more things and then my brother died and then I felt like it was just all coming, like I felt myself being pulled back into that world of grief and then I then I knew I had to, I had to dig myself back out of it. It's like if you did it before, you can do it again. ⁣

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28:17 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

That's really it, right there. Like we sometimes see the the traumas that we go through, as being the only trauma and sometimes we'll connect it to something from the past, that encoding Right and we realize that we've been through this Like my mom. Do you remember the Weebel wobbles? Weebel's wobbles? They don't fall down. Yes, yes, so I have, like I have a bunch of them on my, my desk, because it's a reminder that we fall but we get back up. Right, we wobble but we get back up. ⁣

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28:48⁣

We weebel, what we don't fall down and that's what life's about is the resiliency Right, and you but. But it takes us a moment to step back and get out of our own shit, to realize it Like we have to feel, we have to emote, we have to go through those, those moments, like I mentioned earlier. But it is really taking that deep breath and realizing how long do I want to stay in this flip in place, right Before I make this, before I realize I can get back up and I can heal while I'm getting up, right, yeah, so, with all that happening and now many losses, just physically, two people, but then your own losses and your own life and your health. ⁣

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29:33⁣

What is your mission now with? Love is not dead, just my husband, the widow's way. Where are you looking to go with this? ⁣

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29:43 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

You know, it wasn't until after the cancer had metastasized that I really thought about that. I mean, I was just having fun with the podcast, right, and you know the whole widow your way thing. With that, I feel like just the statement itself is more empowering for a widow than just there's no right or wrong way to grieve, right. I feel like widows need something that's specific their own. You know, just like Nike, just do it. You know widows widow your way. Like how I saw you were in the shirt, yeah. ⁣

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30:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

I saw you were in the shirt and I was. I was pulled into it because it just it didn't have to be a slogan of a podcast, didn't have to be anything. It's just like I'm not even. I'm not in that position and I felt a pull to it. Maybe it's just being a woman and understanding losses in different ways, but I'm like we do widow other things, other than people. Yes, right, and so I pulled. I was pulled into that statement like ah, yeah, okay, and I wasn't even sure what it meant to me in that moment, but I connected to it, rebecca. So it's powerful, I have. ⁣

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31:03 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

It's powerful, I hope so, um, you know, for me, I have never read a grief book. Well, actually, I've read one grief book, finding Meaning, by David Kessler, Other than that, and I just read that last year. But for me, I never read it. But for me, I never did a grief workshop, I never did a widow group, I didn't reach out to any other widows. I, I, I did it my way and it turned out okay. It really did turn out okay, and so that has been the focus of my podcast Widow your Way, um, trying to break through stereotypes and what people really think of widows. And for me it turned out that my widowhood journey was nothing about my husband. It's not. Being a widow has absolutely nothing to do with your dead husband. It's all about you. You are the widow. It's called widowhood for a reason. It's your journey, it's about you. ⁣

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32:22 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Yeah, yeah. So I want to just reiterate to folks if you're not tuning into Love is Not Dead, just my Husband with Rebecca Johnson, or just connect with her, we're going to put all your information, rebecca, in the list of notes. I want people to be able to tune in and really to find their own connection to you, because I think you're just an incredible human being and you know, when I was, when I gave you the podcast notes to fill out, you're like I don't have a freebie. I'm like, oh girl, yes, you do. Your podcast is the freebie and it doesn't always have to be the lead magnet or the download. And I know we get into this world of marketing in this, but really aren't we just people just having conversations too? And I think you're so authentic with that and I love that about you and I'm so glad we're able to have this conversation. So if this conversation touch, moves and inspires you tuning in right now, listening to HIListically Speaking speaking episode with Rebecca Johnson, you know, let us know. Share it in the ratings and reviews. ⁣

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33:25⁣

Wherever you are tuning into this podcast, whether you're watching on YouTube or you're listening on any of the platforms we're on, which is basically them all Let us know, like let Rebecca know, and give her a shout out. Go check her out, you know. Subscribe to her podcast as well. Let's amplify the voices, let's be there for each other. That's really what this is. This, really what this podcast is about is holding space for those and, like I say a million times and my listeners know, my audience knows, every person I have on this podcast is like a masterclass. I'm learning from you just as much as you might be walking away and learning something from me, so thank you for that. ⁣

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34:00 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Oh, absolutely. ⁣

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34:02 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

So appreciative of you. Where I want to go next, let's? I want to have a little fun because you know, like I said, part of the healing involves humor and we were having some conversations before pressing record where we were talking about the dating getting out there in the world, the things we really need to do also for ourselves, the self love. And February yes, it's known as Love Month usually focuses around Valentine's Day, but I really want to just nail it in that it's really about the self love and you connect with that as well the things you're doing for yourself, the things that you are doing to pick yourself back up when the weeble wobbles. And what does self care mean to Rebecca? Like, how are you holding space for yourself, rebecca? ⁣

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34:51 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

You know, honestly, right now I'm not holding any kind of space for myself other than with this cancer, other than when I feel hungry, I'm eating whatever I want, and I know a lot of people are very concerned about my health and what I'm putting into my body right now. But for me, right now, that is my self love. When I find myself hungry, I'm eating what I want and I'm in joy in it and I'm sleeping. When I'm tired, I. If I'm at work and I feel that I'm doing too much, before I used to push through and I wouldn't take a break, and so now I'm not doing that anymore. If I'm tired, I take a nap. If I want to feel like I need some kind of recharge, I'll walk outside and stand in the sun for five minutes. So those I mean wow, I said that I wasn't doing any self care, and the more that I think about it. Yeah, I am doing a little self care, but it's nothing great. Yeah, so I you know. But that goes back to almost to the gratitude. ⁣

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36:05 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Like you think I'm not really in a state of gratitude, and then you realize the smallest things, like I just had a delicious sandwich and it was amazing, right, and I'm so grateful that I had it. Like we tend to put so much pressure on things being big and grander to be able to have purpose and meaning our lives, and it's really the small things that make the difference, right. So I ask you if you do things for self care? At first you said nothing and you just listed a bunch of things I did. I love it, yeah. What is your favorite thing that you that you like to? Uh, nashon. ⁣

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36:39 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Um what was your. ⁣

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36:41 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

What's the food that you think that is not good to have, so good to have. ⁣

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36:44 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

So right now nothing tastes good, like everything sounds like it might taste good, and then I eat it and it's like uh no, now it just tastes gross, I don't want it. Um, right now my thing is potatoes Anything with potatoes, yeah. Yeah, nothing exciting, but just I'm eating potatoes. All right, it's a comfort food. ⁣

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37:15 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Yeah Right, and I think we get into this habit and I'm an integrative nutrition, holistic health coach and I've studied like 135, 40 dietary theories that are out there and I think it just comes down to like things in moderation. Like if we deny ourselves things that bring us joy, then we are most likely going to sabotage anyway because we are denying ourselves the things that bring us joy, but it's being witnessed to it. So I would say you can even pair that potato with a gratitude moment. I love this potato. ⁣

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37:49 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

There you go, something to be great for. ⁣

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37:51 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Right, yeah, so as someone who is doing some self care, you're getting out there in the world. You said, dating hasn't been going so well. Are you? Um, are you embracing it again? Are you trying it again? Cause you've shared some stuff where it's been pretty funny about your, your dating adventures. You've you've shared some things about your dating adventures that were kind of humorous. ⁣

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38:14 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Yeah. So with Valentine's Day coming up, I was, you know, everyone's talking about Valentine's Day. Some of the other widows are, you know, talking about dating and stuff, and I'm like, do I want to do a Valentine's Day episode? Do I want to take advantage of that? And then, um, so I decided that I would do a Valentine's Day episode. Um, I was debating about it and then this song popped into my head Tina Turner, what's love got to do with it? ⁣

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38:51⁣

And there's a very funny story I mean I think it's funny, a very funny story that I'm going to share on my next episode, but a very funny story about me and my husband and why Tina Turner is so relevant. And then I it's going to be a two part episode. So I share two relationship stories a little more in detail than what I have in the past, and the second one is going to be there's a little twist to it. It's not what you think it's going to be. So now you'll have to tune into that one too. But is this is the second one airing a week later? Yes, I mean it's it's coming after Valentine's Day Perfect Cause. ⁣

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39:40 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

As you know, we're recording this right before Valentine's Day, so you can go back and listen to these episodes. Because that's really where I want to go here is that Valentine's Day is not just one day. Love month is not just February. Every day should be a chance to say I love myself and I have the ability to love others, right? So it doesn't matter when this is dropping. We are dropping this, as you know, in February. However, go back and listen, you know, as a reminder that it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day. ⁣

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40:11 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

I felt like it was going to be pretty good. And then I saw Miley Cyrus win her Grammy. I didn't watch the Grammys, but I saw an epa clip where she was singing her song Flowers and yeah. And then she's like I want a Grammy, yes. But did you notice her outfit and her hair and her mannerism? She was impersonating Tina Turner. ⁣

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40:39 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Oh, you know what? I didn't even catch that. ⁣

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40:41 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Which solidifies that my two podcast episodes were supposed to be told. ⁣

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40:51 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Wait a minute. Did that? Was that? Did that come out that she was Well, or is that just your interpretation? I didn't read that. I did so you felt that. Watch her the way she was moving. ⁣

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41:05 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

those are Tina Turner's moves Her dress that she was wearing with the fringe, that's Tina Turner. Her hair, oh my gosh Big. That is Tina Turner. She was Rebecca, I didn't even get that. And what better person to inspire you? And and in that song and on that stage, I mean that is Tina Turner. And then yeah, yeah. ⁣

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41:34 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

I did not get that until I'm sitting here listening to you and rewinding, because I didn't watch the Grammys either. But I did catch that clip because in my mind I thought that was such an empowering moment for her and so authentic. Like she's singing her song and then she just breaks and goes. I finally want a Grammy. And like I felt that for her, like I felt it was like a Susan Lucci moment where she goes up for the Emmys like 19 times until she won. It was that moment where she's like I've worked so hard writing this music and finally I'm being acknowledged. Like I felt, like it was so authentic. But now add on top of that, this is a girl, a young woman that is paying tribute to somebody who has inspired her and wow, that that levels that moment up. Now I didn't even think that. Thank you for bringing an awareness to that. ⁣

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42:24 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Yeah. ⁣

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42:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Anybody out there listening. If you feel that way, too, would love to know. I think that's pretty incredible, but so it does. It makes it will make your podcast make a lot more sense. And just isn't it funny how the things just align. Yes, in that way. Yes, there's just this unbelievable alignment. Awesome, love that. Okay, my dear. So I just want to reiterate to those who are listening and tuning in, wherever you're tuning in, rebecca Johnson, please give her podcast I know it's not dead, just my husband a listen, tune in. I know there's numerous ways to get in touch with you and you share that. We're going to put that in the podcast notes, but I want to play a little game with you. Ooh, got a moment. ⁣

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43:02⁣

Yes, I love a good game, so I do this at the end of every podcast and sometimes I wonder if I should do it at the beginning, because it really kind of breaks people up. It's pretty funny, but I do this like word association game, where I pick words from the conversation we're having and I want you to come back with the first word that comes to mind. It's basically seeing how Rebecca's brain is working. ⁣

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43:25 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Wow, what if it's so do? Do I have a default word if I, if I can't come up with a word, Like a safety word. ⁣

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43:32 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Oh, yeah, I think I need that's a whole different kind of podcast. That's a safe word. Okay, that's Rebecca a couple of years into dating, and then we can get into that. ⁣

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43:46 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Oh my goodness, it's just safe word, yeah. ⁣

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43:49 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

No, this is just me throwing out a word, or maybe two, depending, okay, and I just want you to come back Like, just don't think too hard about it. This is Rebecca's brain, sharing the word that she associates with the word I throw out at you. Okay, just take a deep breath, maybe do a little havening, because you learned how to do that, and the first word I'm going to throw out is vision Board Word Grief Loss Podcast Me, yeah, girl Widow. ⁣

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44:32 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Your way. ⁣

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44:34 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Nice Well played on the branding Cancer Live Gratitude. ⁣

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44:47 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Always. ⁣

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44:50 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Love. ⁣

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44:51 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Is not dead. ⁣

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44:54 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Yeah, it's not. It never is. Sometimes it goes dormant for a moment, but it's still there, right? Yeah, we just have to rediscover ourselves. Really is what it's all about. That's a good takeaway. I appreciate that I've learned a lot from you and I'm really, really elated to share this space with you. It's really been a good conversation and I hope to have more, because you open my eyes to some things you know. And widowing your way doesn't necessarily mean you've lost a partner or a spouse. There are many levels of grief and loss, right, and being able to see that nobody's going to save you. We really are on this. We're walking each other home, as I like to say, but truly the journey is ours. ⁣

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45:46 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Yes. ⁣

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45:47 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

You know, yeah, so if you were to have some final words with HILlistically Speaking audience, what would it be? ⁣

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45:58 - Rebecca Johnson (Guest)⁣

Embrace grief and loss, not grief after loss, and just know that it's possible to live happily even after. ⁣

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46:15 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣

Yeah, happily, even after that's great Thanks for that. Thank you, okay, sunshine, this is going to be the easiest decision you ever have to make. Rebecca Johnson opened up so vulnerably, so beautifully, so courageously during this conversation that I want you to give her some love. Check out her podcast Love is Not Dead Just my Husband. And then take it one step further. Connect with her on social media, find out more about the widow's way and just have a conversation with her. She's so open and so friendly and so loving that I think you're going to really vibe with her. ⁣

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46:53⁣

I put all the links to connect with Rebecca and her podcast in the listen notes of this episode. Listen if you enjoyed this. If this episode touched, moved and inspired you in any way, let us know here at HIListically Speaking, you know, drop a rating and a review on any podcast platform, wherever you're tuning in, or even on YouTube, and just let us know how we're doing, because I read everything and I love to hear from you and you will hear from me. And if you are having a struggle in the area of grief, if you are struggling in any area that is really a trauma in your life, don't forget that there is support, there are tools, there are people that are there to help you through, and if you want to learn more about how havening can be part of that, drop me a line. I put a link in the podcast notes how you can connect with me to learn how to hug it out and live with humor and understanding and gratitude in your every day. ⁣

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47:46⁣

HIListically Speaking is edited by Two Market Media, with music by Lipone Redding, and listened to by you. So thank you for that. Every day, and remember, you have the ability to choose to choose to change your thoughts, to change your day and to start every day as a day one, because I believe in you, I love you and I will see you next week. ⁣