128 What introverts need to know about extroverts

Reinventure Me

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you’re an introvert, this is your survival guide to living and working with and understanding extroverts. Yes, we are talking, but we are also listening!

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Paula Poundstone:

“We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.“

Don’t write off an extrovert as an attention-seeker. While it may seem to an introvert that extroverts are an inch deep and a mile wide, extroverts easily have a handle on a group and its dynamic. Once they have talked their thoughts through, their information and perspective is valuable.

Quotes from the show:

• “It’s not about how sociable you are. It’s really, functionally, about how you get your energy.” —Leary
• “Extroversion itself doesn’t mean you’re not self-aware. However, it does mean [you] get [your] cues […] for how [you’re] doing from other people.” —Leary
• “When we have a choice […] of spending time with others or spending time diving into something, we will more likely choose time with others because that’s more fun, more spontaneous—that’s where the party is.” —Leary
• “If extroverts actually want to be good listener[s], they are. […] Extroverts […] are really good at pulling something out of someone. As much as you might think […] they are talking too much, they are actually asking a lot of good questions.” —Armin
• “Extroverts are naturally good at making rounds, meeting as many people as possible, shaking as many hands, and kissing as many babies. […] They are going to have a deeper understanding of the group, […] of all the people there. That ability to […] talk to as many people as possible brings them more perspective and more understanding than the introvert’s [talk with one person].” —Armin
• “Many times, you can tell when extrovert[s] [are] around because the noise volume [goes] up. […] They’re finding their energy in being with people. […] The energy in the room is shifting from a deep conversation to now this personality that is lighting up because they’re energetic, and people’s attention is drawn to that. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re seeking it. It’s how they are wired, and attention goes that way. It doesn’t necessarily mean they need it.” —Leary
• “Don’t respond to [the extrovert’s] first version of any idea they give you. They are extroverting.” —Armin
• “An introvert wouldn’t bring it up until they processed it. […] Extroverts are going to put a lot of stuff out there that is not yet fully baked. In fact, it’s probably not even partially baked. In fact, the oven may not even be warmed up yet. They don’t even know where the oven is.” —Leary
• “It’s not the extrovert’s job in a relationship to make you communicate, if you are an introvert.” —Armin

Comments? Questions? Stories from your own life? Share them with us in the comments below.

Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

• Episode 026, “Do your many interests hinder your next great beginning?”
• David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates’ book, Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types.
• Susan Cain’s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.
• Marti Olsen Laney’s book, The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World.